Would you force your child to invite a kid he didn't want to invite to his birthday party?

[Anonymous]

DS is in 1st grade. There is a kid in his class whose mom is very active at school. DS does not like the other child and does not play with him. I see the mom around often and friendly with her. I thought DS should include the child. I don't think it is relevant but I suspect child may be on the spectrum but high functioning.

Would you force your child to invite this child?

DS is inviting about 5 kids from his 1st grade class and 3 kids from the other 1st grade so a total of 8 kids out of 50 kids. Also inviting a handful of family friends and a neighbor.

[Anonymous]

The unwritten rule is to invite the entire class or just to invite a handful but don't announce it to everybody. All you need to do is keep the situation low key so that no feelings are hurt. You're keeping it small, so you don't have to invite any particular child. It's up to you.

[Anonymous]

Is the other child a boy? How many boys are in his class (not the grade, but the actual class) and how many are you inviting? What's the birthday party activity?

My general rule of thumb is to invite less than half of the class (or the boys) or all of the class (or the boys). I especially would not exclude a kid merely for being active -- aren't most 6 year old boys active? -- if the activity is designed for movement.

[Anonymous]

Never. I always have let my kids make their own guest lists.

Based on what you said there is absolutely NO reason your son should invite this particular kid. If YOU like the mom, then invite her to YOUR birthday party. Not his.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

[Anonymous]

Nope. It's his party, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the other child a boy? How many boys are in his class (not the grade, but the actual class) and how many are you inviting? What's the birthday party activity?

My general rule of thumb is to invite less than half of the class (or the boys) or all of the class (or the boys). I especially would not exclude a kid merely for being active -- aren't most 6 year old boys active? -- if the activity is designed for movement.

Other child is a boy.

DS wants to invite 3 boys and 2 girls from his current class and 3 boys from the other 1st grade class. I think there are 13 boys in each class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the other child a boy? How many boys are in his class (not the grade, but the actual class) and how many are you inviting? What's the birthday party activity?

My general rule of thumb is to invite less than half of the class (or the boys) or all of the class (or the boys). I especially would not exclude a kid merely for being active -- aren't most 6 year old boys active? -- if the activity is designed for movement.

Other child is a boy.

DS wants to invite 3 boys and 2 girls from his current class and 3 boys from the other 1st grade class. I think there are 13 boys in each class.

I'm the PP you quoted and I would be comfortable not inviting him, given the small numbers.

Why do you want him to be invited, and not the other 7 boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

What makes you think the child is autistic?

Certainly don't exclude the kid because he may be autistic, but I don't think you have to invite him to a small party just because you think he might be autistic.

Signed, parent of autistic child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

What makes you think the child is autistic?

Certainly don't exclude the kid because he may be autistic, but I don't think you have to invite him to a small party just because you think he might be autistic.

Signed, parent of autistic child

Thank you for your input. I will not force DS to invite him. I was trying to be overly inclusive. I realize that probably isn't necessary.

I am not sure if he is autistic. He does have a special needs teacher with him about half of the time. It could be something else. The child has some strange behavior and is socially awkward. I don't think the child has many friends. The mom is really nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

So you want to give a pity invite to a kid, you've already decided to do this and you came here to talk about it ... why? Why are you asking our opinions if you've already said you're forcing your son to invite the kid? You suck, really. Your loyalty should be to YOUR son. Not to some random woman's son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

What makes you think the child is autistic?

Certainly don't exclude the kid because he may be autistic, but I don't think you have to invite him to a small party just because you think he might be autistic.

Signed, parent of autistic child

Thank you for your input. I will not force DS to invite him. I was trying to be overly inclusive. I realize that probably isn't necessary.

I am not sure if he is autistic. He does have a special needs teacher with him about half of the time. It could be something else. The child has some strange behavior and is socially awkward. I don't think the child has many friends. The mom is really nice.

I think it's wonderful to encourage a friendship, but a birthday part is probably not the right time. How about a playdate instead? You can invite kid and mom if it will make everyone more comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

What makes you think the child is autistic?

Certainly don't exclude the kid because he may be autistic, but I don't think you have to invite him to a small party just because you think he might be autistic.

Signed, parent of autistic child

Thank you for your input. I will not force DS to invite him. I was trying to be overly inclusive. I realize that probably isn't necessary.

I am not sure if he is autistic. He does have a special needs teacher with him about half of the time. It could be something else. The child has some strange behavior and is socially awkward. I don't think the child has many friends. The mom is really nice.

I think it's wonderful to encourage a friendship, but a birthday part is probably not the right time. How about a playdate instead? You can invite kid and mom if it will make everyone more comfortable.

When we first started at the school last year, we did get together. They came to our party. We went to theirs. They gave our child a very nice gift. I feel like in preschool and kindergarten, everyone just played together. DS seems to have real friends now that he plays with on a consistent basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make my child invite someone she didn't want. It's her birthday so she gets to pick.

If you want to socialize with that mom, it's probably better to make your own time with her.

I have no desire to hang out with the mom one on one. I just see her around at school a lot. They live in the same neighborhood as 2 other kids DS wants to invite so I think she would hear about it.

I know I am overanalyzing this but I feel the mom would feel bad. We invited them last year. I think if the child wasn't autistic, I would not be forcing my DS to invite him. For the record, I don't think DS has any idea what autistic means and we have never spoken of the other child in that manner. DS simply does not play with the other child and said he wasn't friends with him.

So you want to give a pity invite to a kid, you've already decided to do this and you came here to talk about it ... why? Why are you asking our opinions if you've already said you're forcing your son to invite the kid? You suck, really. Your loyalty should be to YOUR son. Not to some random woman's son.

Not the OP, but your reading comprehension is poor. The child hasn't been invited so there is no reason to get spun out of shape.