Would you force your child to invite a kid he didn't want to invite to his birthday party?
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Anonymous
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You have a good heart, OP. Does your son actively dislike this child or just not like him as much as the other boys? At this age, boys change friends often and it's possible this boy may end up a friend sooner or later especially since it sounds like you are at a small school.
Our DS definitely has a group of best friends, but is friendly with everyone in all three classes in his grade and would never object to anyone else being included in his party. He gives us a list of the classmates he wants to invite and then we usually add on a few kids whose moms I know or who live close by and he's been very happy to have them included. On a completely different note, I am friends with a mom with a child who is on the spectrum and was recently in a conversation where she learned her child had been excluded from a few parties and when I say excluded I mean excluded. These were full class parties except for her child. The other mothers talking about the parties because they assumed that child had been included but this girl was not included. I talked to her about it later and she was very understanding but I could see she felt horrible. We are at one of those schools where a lot of parents stink. This is very different from the small party OP is having but I just wanted to mention that for some children on the spectrum getting invited to just one party can be a pretty big deal. I don't know enough details about your situation to advise you either way but wanted to provide some more thoughts to add to your decision making. |
Anonymous
| My kid has delays. He's quirky but not autistic. Please don't assume autism and even if he is, who cares. If your kid is not friends with him and you are not inviting everyone, its ok not to include him. We invited entire class and had a nice turn out (for our school at least which usually has a very limited turn out). I know he's been excluded from some parties but I think its mostly that they were doing them at specific places with kid limits (other kids were excluded too). Honestly, I'm grateful as we have so may activities and they are all in the same places so it gets boring. The bounce and other places get expensive so I get only inviting so many kids. We specifically choose a place where we could invite everyone, including parents, siblings and grandparents and made sure everyone had something to eat, including food allergy kids (which was really only mine). |
Anonymous
Do you want to invite the kid so the mom will like you? Otherwise, why include this info? |
Anonymous
| I think another activity might be better. Its YOUR sons birthday and you are not inviting the whole class. let it be about his birthday. he is only 6. |
Anonymous
Another +1. He's inviting a small group of friends, so it isn't a conscious decision to exclude this one child in the same way he isn't excluding the rest of his class. He's just having a small party. If you like the mom, and think your son and this child might get along, have a playdate and go from there. |
Anonymous
| No matter what you decide, OP, please make sure you teach your child to be kind to those awkward kids. |
Anonymous
| If the mom was a friend of mine, I would make my son invite the child. If she was just someone I was friendly with, I would not. It sounds like you are having a fairly small party, so I don't think the lack of an invite would make the child feel excluded. |
Anonymous
+1. |
Anonymous
| Op, with so few kids, no |
Anonymous
+ 1. My friendships have no impact on my kid's friendships, nor should they have a logical reason at all to do so. I see no reason to force my child to socialize with someone during a supposedly voluntary and enjoyable event. In my opinion all non-required social interactions should be optional contingent on the people involved all choosing that they want to be interacting, so I would never pressure my child to spend free time with someone they didn't choose unless there were a very good reason. That doesn't seem particularly reasonable to me, especially not for a birthday party. |
Anonymous
Would I force my child? No. But if the mom were a friend of mine, I would talk to him and encourage it. My son is a kind person, and if he really didn't want the child there, he would probably have a legitimate reason. |
Anonymous
| i wouldn't force but have a hard time imagining a child this age who would not want to include as many kids as possible. our dc likes everyone and would never object to any classmate being invited. it is the parents who exclude and say they don't want to force their kid. |
Anonymous
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OP- past debates (on this board) on parties involved parents who think it's okay to invite the entire class, or most of the class, or all of one gender and leave out just a few, or one child. That is obviously not okay.
In this case, you're having a small party-- the other child may feel disappointed but not excluded. Disappointment over not receiving an invite is fine and part of growing up. Exclusion is bullying and not fine and harmful to the child experiencing it. The nice thing about a small party is that your son gets the option of inviting only close friends. |
Anonymous
| Nope |
Anonymous
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OP,
I understand what you are trying to do. If I liked a mom at school, I would probably suggest to DC that the child be invited, especially if the child attended my DC's party last time around, reciprocated, and everything seemed to work out. But then, my DC is pretty open and outgoing (tho has many other shortcomings  ) and would probably agree to invite anyone who was not outright disagreeable or a bully.
If your DC seems pretty set on not inviting that child, I guess you should honor his wishes. It's such a small group; if the other child did not gel with the other children who were invited, that could be an awkward party. |