Do you leave a vomiting 8 year old

[Anonymous]

alone for the rest of the night when she's repeatedly vomiting?

During my ex's custodial time, child got food poisoning. She woke up vomiting. He cleaned up the bed, gave her a trash can, and left her in her bed, crying. Fortunately 8 year old has an older sister who shares the room (lucky her) and provided some comfort. 8 year old vomited repeatedly for the rest of the night and following morning. So he left her at his mom's and let her deal with it.

But seriously, what parent just leaves a barfing 8 year old alone and goes back to bed??? I wouldn't leave my dog alone if he were truly ill like that...

My older daughter got food poisoning once when she was maybe five. She still remembers that we sat up together all night, watching cartoons on the couch, with her trash can and me there to comfort her until she was finally able to sleep.

My heart just breaks for my 8 year old

[Anonymous]

That's so sad.

[Anonymous]

No, and I'd be pissed.

[Anonymous]

No, I would never do that but I would not be surprised if my XH does this and DD is too scared to tell us. Sadly, kids protect abusive and neglectful parents.

Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

No, I'd be very upset about this.

[Anonymous]

Once I clean everything up, I do put my kids back to bed after vomiting if they seem to be feeling better. However, I also make it clear that if they feel bad again, they should come get me.

[Anonymous]

Ok so what, if anything, do you say to the ex about this?

[Anonymous]

It's not like he left her to clean her own sheets, he cleaned her up and set her up with a garbage pail in case she got sick again. It's not what I would have done, but I also don't think it falls into the category of neglect. As for leaving her with her grandmother the next day, if grandma was okay with it, why is this a problem?

I don't think this is something you talk to him about. There's no way this would be considered grounds for amending a custody/visitation schedule, so it goes into the category of things you need to give up control over after a divorce. Otherwise you'll be perceived as that obnoxious ex who's always nitpicking him on everything, and then he won't listen to you on anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not like he left her to clean her own sheets, he cleaned her up and set her up with a garbage pail in case she got sick again. It's not what I would have done, but I also don't think it falls into the category of neglect. As for leaving her with her grandmother the next day, if grandma was okay with it, why is this a problem?

I don't think this is something you talk to him about. There's no way this would be considered grounds for amending a custody/visitation schedule, so it goes into the category of things you need to give up control over after a divorce. Otherwise you'll be perceived as that obnoxious ex who's always nitpicking him on everything, and then he won't listen to you on anything.

Agreed, not grounds for any formal action. However this does feed into an overall pattern. Example, he recently returned the children in dirty clothes, not fed (it was noon), hair unbrushed, teeth not brushed.... that's just one example.

I'm really not interested in taking "action". What I want is for him to think about what he's doing and try to do the compassionate thing. He's just not very empathetic with the children. One reason we split; once we had kids it became clear, he only cares about his own feelings.

But perhaps this is one I should let go. I appreciate you writing PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not like he left her to clean her own sheets, he cleaned her up and set her up with a garbage pail in case she got sick again. It's not what I would have done, but I also don't think it falls into the category of neglect. As for leaving her with her grandmother the next day, if grandma was okay with it, why is this a problem?

I don't think this is something you talk to him about. There's no way this would be considered grounds for amending a custody/visitation schedule, so it goes into the category of things you need to give up control over after a divorce. Otherwise you'll be perceived as that obnoxious ex who's always nitpicking him on everything, and then he won't listen to you on anything.

Agreed, not grounds for any formal action. However this does feed into an overall pattern. Example, he recently returned the children in dirty clothes, not fed (it was noon), hair unbrushed, teeth not brushed.... that's just one example.

I'm really not interested in taking "action". What I want is for him to think about what he's doing and try to do the compassionate thing. He's just not very empathetic with the children. One reason we split; once we had kids it became clear, he only cares about his own feelings.

But perhaps this is one I should let go. I appreciate you writing PP.

Why didn't your children brush their own teeth and hair, and put on clean clothes? My children are 4 and 7 and they can do these things on their own (well, the four-year-old needs help with her teeth, but can at least make an effort). Obviously the ideal is for your ex to step up and make sure the kids do it, but since that's not going to happen, your children need to be taught to handle them on their own.

[Anonymous]

I'd be MOST mad about the fact that he left her crying. Who does THAT with a vomiting kid? If my kid felt like she could handle it at 8 I might, MIGHT leave her, though even then probably not -- but if she was crying not to be left alone to vomit all night, and the guy walks away? Kind of heartbreaking.

She'll remember that, I bet. Maybe it's good for her to know who she can count on, realistically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be MOST mad about the fact that he left her crying. Who does THAT with a vomiting kid? If my kid felt like she could handle it at 8 I might, MIGHT leave her, though even then probably not -- but if she was crying not to be left alone to vomit all night, and the guy walks away? Kind of heartbreaking.

She'll remember that, I bet. Maybe it's good for her to know who she can count on, realistically.

I agree with this. What a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the kid. Some people want to be left alone when they're sick. Some people want to be fussed over. I'd see which kind of kid I was dealing with and proceed accordingly.

When my kid is sick, she just wants to sleep. So I put a garbage pail next to her bed and leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your ex is a jerk of a father but he probably couldn't stomach the vomit. Most men can't.

I also think it's strange that you think every vomiting episode is food poisoning. It's much more likely to be a virus. Food poisoning is rare.

[Anonymous]

He's your ex and you are just looking for ways to show him as a bad parent. You honestly think he should have sat by her side all night?