Do you leave a vomiting 8 year old

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your ex is a jerk of a father but he probably couldn't stomach the vomit. Most men can't.

I also think it's strange that you think every vomiting episode is food poisoning. It's much more likely to be a virus. Food poisoning is rare.

She is calling it food poisoning so she can blame it on ex's cooking and/or restaurant choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, your ex is a jerk of a father but he probably couldn't stomach the vomit. Most men can't.

I also think it's strange that you think every vomiting episode is food poisoning. It's much more likely to be a virus. Food poisoning is rare.

She is calling it food poisoning so she can blame it on ex's cooking and/or restaurant choice

No, he took her to Wendy's as we do every Thursday night because it's a tight turn around between SACC and music lesson. I take her there too so it's not a food critique.

My question relates to leaving a vomiting, crying 8 year old alone. Not food preparation or restaurants.

[Anonymous]

My son with through a phase of cyclic vomiting at this age. He would call for me, I would get up with him, change sheets if necessary, tuck him back in...but no, I didn't sit with him all night.

By the time he was 11 he just handled everything on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the kid. Some people want to be left alone when they're sick. Some people want to be fussed over. I'd see which kind of kid I was dealing with and proceed accordingly.

When my kid is sick, she just wants to sleep. So I put a garbage pail next to her bed and leave her alone.

True, and if they are able to sleep you leave them alone. But a child who is upset and crying and actively vomiting is at risk for aspiration and should not be left alone until they are calm. Not clear which is the story in OP's case. I've had situations where we were able to leave a child sleeping and go back in when when we heard the retching again, and situations where the child was so sick and laying on the bathroom floor that we sat next to the toilet with them for 36 hours with the doctor on speed dial (and eventually ended up in the ER in the middle of the night). It depends on the situation.

[Anonymous]

Agree that if vomiting is a regular thing, a parent may need to cope by going back to bed. What parent can hold down a job without ever sleeping?

But this is the first time my daughter has vomited in literally years.

[Anonymous]

Wrong and you know it. Once DC throws up she is moved to my bed in case she gets sick again. I out her on a large towel with trash can near. If she gets sick again I hold the trash can and comfort her. Rub her back. Say I'm sorry she's sick etc. wipe her face, give whatever is needed. Her discomfort is my discomfort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wrong and you know it. Once DC throws up she is moved to my bed in case she gets sick again. I out her on a large towel with trash can near. If she gets sick again I hold the trash can and comfort her. Rub her back. Say I'm sorry she's sick etc. wipe her face, give whatever is needed. Her discomfort is my discomfort.

This.

It was also extremely unfair to the older sister to force her to have to parent the younger one all night.

One of the reasons why I am not close to my middle brother with SN is that I had to parent him for 8 years while my parents' marriage imploded and they dealt with their own health issues. He resents me for telling him what to do and to be honest, I resent that he took my efforts for granted and never appreciated that I gave up normal preteen and teenage activities to care for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not like he left her to clean her own sheets, he cleaned her up and set her up with a garbage pail in case she got sick again. It's not what I would have done, but I also don't think it falls into the category of neglect. As for leaving her with her grandmother the next day, if grandma was okay with it, why is this a problem?

I don't think this is something you talk to him about. There's no way this would be considered grounds for amending a custody/visitation schedule, so it goes into the category of things you need to give up control over after a divorce. Otherwise you'll be perceived as that obnoxious ex who's always nitpicking him on everything, and then he won't listen to you on anything.

Agreed, not grounds for any formal action. However this does feed into an overall pattern. Example, he recently returned the children in dirty clothes, not fed (it was noon), hair unbrushed, teeth not brushed.... that's just one example.

I'm really not interested in taking "action". What I want is for him to think about what he's doing and try to do the compassionate thing. He's just not very empathetic with the children. One reason we split; once we had kids it became clear, he only cares about his own feelings.

But perhaps this is one I should let go. I appreciate you writing PP.

Oh, no, you don't let this go. You file it along with the other instances. I just went through a protracted period of escalating moments like this. Like you, I felt none of it was actionable in any way and felt powerless to change it. Then someone reported XH to CPS. Yup. It was taken out of my hands once he'd gone way too far. Only then was I able to put a stop to the neglect---them being left alone or unfed, the total absence of common sense parenting.

Keep a diary, OP. You'd be surprised how useful it may be in the future.

[Anonymous]

aspiration of vomit is a real concern if the child is crying. Older girl might or might not understand that condition when she sees it.

Parenting fail

[Anonymous]

so sad for your daughter, op. I would never leave anyone alone vomiting unless it was clear that they'd be more comfortable on their own. Rarely the case for a kid under 12 or so.

Kids are smart though. She'll quickly figure out who's who between you and your ex. She'll see that you're the caretaker and he's just the father who leaves everything to be done by mom (I'm just speculating here, based on what you've said. not all ex partners are like this, obviously). It'll be heartbreaking to witness this.

[Anonymous]

I would and have left an 8 yo in bed with a trash can after vomiting. I would NOT leave a crying 8 yo alone after vomiting - I would get the child calm first. And I'd only leave them if they were OK with me leaving, and my kids know they can always get me in. The night if they need me.

Curious though why the dad didn't go back in for subsequent round of vomit. What woke him up for round 1 that didn't get his attention for,later rounds?

[Anonymous]

Big sister woke him first time.

[Anonymous]

Holy crap, by the time my kids were 8 they could bathe themselves, brush their own teeth, and comb and braid their own hair. More likely than not, they would have gotten up, barged, come let me know, and gone back to bed.

Shame on you for not teaching your children basic life skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, by the time my kids were 8 they could bathe themselves, brush their own teeth, and comb and braid their own hair. More likely than not, they would have gotten up, barged, come let me know, and gone back to bed.

Shame on you for not teaching your children basic life skills.

Hmm, well the do bathe themselves, brush their own teeth and hair, etc.... but barfing is not a regular event. It's been literally years since either of them puked. Haven't had much opportunity for training.

But, I will think about whether to add vomiting independence to my 8 year old's life skills training. Thank you for your insight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holy crap, by the time my kids were 8 they could bathe themselves, brush their own teeth, and comb and braid their own hair. More likely than not, they would have gotten up, barged, come let me know, and gone back to bed.

Shame on you for not teaching your children basic life skills.

Hmm, well the do bathe themselves, brush their own teeth and hair, etc.... but barfing is not a regular event. It's been literally years since either of them puked. Haven't had much opportunity for training.

But, I will think about whether to add vomiting independence to my 8 year old's life skills training. Thank you for your insight.

If they can do it on your own why are you bitching that their dad sent them home unbrushed/unwashed?