I'm jealous of my kid's relationship with their stepmom

[Anonymous]

I know I'm being petty, but I can't help it. My ex husband married his AP about 5 months ago. She's been in my kid's life for the last three years (kids are 11 and 4), but it seems like since she married my ex, she's gotten really close with my kids. I'm glad that she doesn't mistreat my kids or anything, but I don't like they're becoming so close. For example, I always had my kids on Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve and my ex gets them Christmas Day and New Years. My ex and I were going back and forth because he wanted the kids with him. I told him that was fine and that we could switch Thanksgiving and Christmas. He didn't want to do that because this is his first Christmas as husband and wife and he wanted to start new traditions as a family. I then told him we'll stick with our original agreement. My 11 year old begged me to go with them for Thanksgiving because she wanted to see all of her cousins and that with me it's just the three of us and its kinds of boring and how much fun she has when she's with her dad and the new wife. I agreed to let them go and since then all they've done was talk about all the fun they had with her and thanked me for letting them go and how they can't wait to spend time with them for Christmas. There's some traditions that we have (little things like seeing Santa and baking cookies) and they told me they have activities planned with her and that's what they prefer. I feel like she's slowly replacing me and I don't want that. Again, I know I'm being petty, but I needed somewhere to vent!

[Anonymous]

I remember your post from the relationship forum. It's okay to be envious. Just smile and do your best to move forward. It's a difficult path, but it will be worth it in the end.

[Anonymous]

Hugs to you , OP.

You are doing right by them.

YOU are their mom.

No sweet talking hussy no matter how many cookies, treats, and toys she bribes them with can change that.

You are in this for the long haul she's only in it until your ex gets bored and replaces her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I remember your post from the relationship forum. It's okay to be envious. Just smile and do your best to move forward. It's a difficult path, but it will be worth it in the end.

Thanks, I'm doing my best to smile. It hurts me, but my girls are happy so that really should be enough. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you , OP.

You are doing right by them.

YOU are their mom.

No sweet talking hussy no matter how many cookies, treats, and toys she bribes them with can change that.

You are in this for the long haul she's only in it until your ex gets bored and replaces her.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I remember your post from the relationship forum. It's okay to be envious. Just smile and do your best to move forward. It's a difficult path, but it will be worth it in the end.

Thanks, I'm doing my best to smile. It hurts me, but my girls are happy so that really should be enough. Right?

That is absolutely enough. You will always be their mom, and their first choice when they really need someone. Honest.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry. It's unfair. As adults, trust me, they will see and appreciate that you took the high road and put them first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hugs to you , OP.

You are doing right by them.

YOU are their mom.

No sweet talking hussy no matter how many cookies, treats, and toys she bribes them with can change that.

You are in this for the long haul she's only in it until your ex gets bored and replaces her.

+1 When they're hurting, crying , or sick ( not that we want that for our kids), but when they do it's you who they will want comforting them. It's you who'll they'll ask for.

Also remember this is probably less about her, and more about them trying to work out where they fit in their dad's new life. It will get better.

[Anonymous]

Heartbreaking (especially with the four year old). I have a five year old and I would be devastated. Don't dismiss your feelings,but don't be a slave to them. Get busy and you'll feel better. Anything, cooking class, train for a 5k, join a book club, get a part-time job, take a french class, whatever. When the kids are with you be fun, fun, fun. Tell them about when they were babies. She can't do that. She can't replace you. Only you are their mom.

[Anonymous]

Stepmom is a whore. My kid wouldn't be going over there EVER.

Be brave -- tell your kids the truth about their dad, and cut off contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Stepmom is a whore. My kid wouldn't be going over there EVER.

Be brave -- tell your kids the truth about their dad, and cut off contact.

No, I'm going to let them find out when they're older. I want them to maintain their relationship with their dad regardless of how I feel about him or her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Stepmom is a whore. My kid wouldn't be going over there EVER.

Be brave -- tell your kids the truth about their dad, and cut off contact.

Take your issues elsewhere. You give horrible advice.

[Anonymous]

And if you enable these relationships, you legitimize them.

So marriage, vows, honor mean nothing. And you say, I'm great with that! Whatever goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Stepmom is a whore. My kid wouldn't be going over there EVER.

Be brave -- tell your kids the truth about their dad, and cut off contact.

No, I'm going to let them find out when they're older. I want them to maintain their relationship with their dad regardless of how I feel about him or her!

You are a good mom. They deserve to have a good relationship with their dad whether or not he deserves it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Stepmom is a whore. My kid wouldn't be going over there EVER.

Be brave -- tell your kids the truth about their dad, and cut off contact.

No, I'm going to let them find out when they're older. I want them to maintain their relationship with their dad regardless of how I feel about him or her!

You are a good mom. They deserve to have a good relationship with their dad whether or not he deserves it.

Why? He is a lousy man and a shitty dad. He doesn't deserve to be anywhere near his children.