I would like to give my 6YO a lump of coal

[Anonymous]

He is disrespectful and will grudgingly apologize when prompted, but clearly we do not get along and he neither likes nor respects me.

This morning, I asked, "What's the matter with you?" He responded, "What's the matter with YOU?" In the car I told him that God and Santa are watching and neither one is pleased with his behavior. I then told him that I could get in touch with Santa and see to it that he got no presents this year. That shut his mouth. He will be in his room after school.

I am thinking to put a note from Santa in the stocking expressing disappointment that this child cannot be kind and loving and respectful. But oh, how I WISH I could just give him nothing but a huge stocking of coal and NO PRESENTS AT ALL.

rant over.

[Anonymous]

Take ownership. You are the problem, not your son. You even provide an example of how he is clearly mirroring the behavior he is being exposed to by you.

You deserve the coal. I truly feel sorry for your son. He got a raw deal in the parent arena.

[Anonymous]

I would get the elf on the shelf to switch his toothpaste with a tube of preparation H too!

[Anonymous]

"What's the matter with you?" Wtf? Why would you ask that to anyone, much less your kid? If a coworker asked me that I'd be pissed. No wonder he doesn't like you.

[Anonymous]

This morning, I asked, "What's the matter with you?" He responded, "What's the matter with YOU?" In the car I told him that God and Santa are watching and neither one is pleased with his behavior. I then told him that I could get in touch with Santa and see to it that he got no presents this year. That shut his mouth. He will be in his room after school.

There is no point in asking a 6 year old questions like that. They can't answer them. Many adults can't answer them. Stop focusing on Santa, and start focusing on talking to your child in a calm way to try to find out what the problem is.

[Anonymous]

I am thinking to put a note from Santa in the stocking expressing disappointment that this child cannot be kind and loving and respectful

Also, you can't express to a 6 year old that you generally want him to be "loving" and "respectful." You have to tell him specifically what actions you want him to take or not take.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've made a mistake posting here. You will now be endlessly insulted and blamed for everything. You will be told you need therapy and are unhinged. That they pity your son.

Most on here cannot contemplate having a truly difficult child. It is draining and overwhelming. You can do better but it is really damn hard. Odds are you will have a long had road ahead of you. It will get worse when he is a teen.

It is true that you need different techniques but I am sorry for the difficulty you are having. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If an adult is battling with a 6-year-old, guess who is the problem?

Get help, OP. You sound like a control freak.

[Anonymous]

OP, if your child is going through a bad phase, giving him a lump of coal will not help him. Neither will telling him that God is watching him.

Set clear rules and expectations and praise him when you catch him being good. Don't ask questions he can't answer like "What's wrong with you?" Don't be mean to him.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand OP. I had one like yours. He grew up into an ugly adult. Do I blame myself ? No. He was a difficult child from the start. Inherited his father's family genes. Nothing I did made him that way.

Don't listen to the perfect parents here. They know nothing.

Do your best and pray for the rest.

BTW, my other 4 were very good so one out of 5 ain't bad.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand the urge to punish him, but it sounds like the two of you need a new approach.

I highly recommend Alan Kazdin's book, "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child." I like that it's based on the science of what works for kids. It may be available at your library, and of course its available online.

In the meantime, here's a link with some excerpts:

http://alankazdin.com/the-kazdin-method-for-parenting-the-defiant-child-with-no-pills-no-therapy-no-contest-of-wills/

[Anonymous]

You really don't have to get him anything for Christmas. At most get him stuff he needs (clothes or books) and tell him why he didn't get his wish list. He's already been given a warning.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. Cheers and good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take ownership. You are the problem, not your son. You even provide an example of how he is clearly mirroring the behavior he is being exposed to by you.

You deserve the coal. I truly feel sorry for your son. He got a raw deal in the parent arena.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand OP. I had one like yours. He grew up into an ugly adult. Do I blame myself ? No. He was a difficult child from the start. Inherited his father's family genes. Nothing I did made him that way.

Don't listen to the perfect parents here. They know nothing.

Do your best and pray for the rest.

BTW, my other 4 were very good so one out of 5 ain't bad.

OMG OP if this isn't a wake up call to you--that THIS is the person on your side--I don't know what is.