Everyone's parents critiques their parenting, right?

[Anonymous]

My DS hit 9 months this weekend and it was as if everything came together for him and he finally got moving! We put him to bed and he started crawling around his crib, screaming about 3 hours later. He normally STTN ever since crying it out a few months ago, but had been sick a few days before, so we thought it was that 9 month regression. We dutifully applied cry it out.

But my mother was staying the night and decided she needed to intervene. Just after we decided to let me go a little while after more rocking, she came up the stairs (we heard her from our upstairs bedroom, she as staying downstairs). She was just going to go in there and do what she pleased. We had a loud whisper argument about how she could not go in there. She finally went back downstairs and passive-aggressively emailed me articles about how cry it out was terrible and was shouting up at us that we should go in to soothe him again.

Now she's back at her home but just keeps emailing me these crap articles that I read months ago before we decided to do cry it out and learned that those articles were based on poor studies. I know its not for everyone, but it irks me that in my own home I have to put up with this!!

Of course, last night DS cried for about 15 minutes, but slept through the night, until 0430, which is almost normal.

I'm more annoyed that my mother was just going to go in there, as if we were not doing anything. :-/ Venting over.

[Anonymous]

Send your mother an email thanking her for her concern, but to BUTT OUT!!!

[Anonymous]

My in-laws never say a word about our parenting.

[Anonymous]

My parents and inlaws did early on. They backed off after DD was about a year old. I'm sure my parents still criticize me behind my back, but they haven't made direct comments since I lost it and snapped at them about it last Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents and inlaws did early on. They backed off after DD was about a year old. I'm sure my parents still criticize me behind my back, but they haven't made direct comments since I lost it and snapped at them about it last Christmas.

Sometimes you do need to do this to remind them that they are not, in fact, the parents. Especially with the first grandchild, they can forget this.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it wasn't great for your mom to listen to the crying.

However: it's not her call!

I would send her a quick email along the lines of:

"Mom, please stop. We are dealing with sleep issues as recommended by our pediatrician and as works best for our family. You've said your piece, we have made our decision, and there is nothing further to say. You may not always like our decisions, but I must ask you to respect them. Love, OP."

[Anonymous]

Sorry this happened to you! That is REALLY obnoxious. Ignore her completely. If she persists, "I understand that you are concerned. We are his parents, and we are making the decisions for our family. I'm not discussing this with you."

FWIW, yes, ALL PARENTS feel the need to weigh in, in some fashion, in my experience. MIL and Mom were very anti-/"questioning" breastfeeding, and weren't afraid to let me know it. My mother questioned the way I chose to handle my PPD with my medical team.

Thankfully, I now only have to hear the "praise" portion of feedback. "Your father and I are so proud of you and Steve for always calmy correcting Larla when she steps out of line."

My MIL does the same thing, in a competitive way: "You and Steve are so good about sticking to schedules. I wish [SIL] Melissa recognized the value of naps!"

Even the praise, I do not want. Because I do not care if they think I'm doing it right or not! But I'll take the praise compared to the criticism...

Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Yes, my mom always talks about the tragedy of not having enough time - because I work, not stay at home..and then how great it is that I work, then how hard it must be to keep my house clean and how I need a housekeeper...
I just keep making coffee.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My reserved, shy, somewhat anxious 3 yo DD sees my parents about once every 9 months. They don't understand why she doesn't run to their arms immediately and why she prefers me and my DH to them. When my DD was 1.5 years old, my mom said that my DD was a "nightmare" because DD would cry whenever I or my husband left the room. When trying to explain the basis for my DD's behavior, my mom responded that "there is no such thing as a bad baby, just bad parents." More recently, we had a large amount of family visiting (including my parents, siblings, and their young kids). This made DD fairly anxious because it was her first time meeting my siblings/her cousins, plus it was a lot of people to have in our small house for several days. DD became especially clingy to me during the visit (wanting to be held, sit on my lap, come with me as i did chores around the house), which made my mom very frustrated. My mom commented several times that we were letting DD run our lives because we tried to accommodate DD's clinginess. My mom's opinion was that we should tell DD (then 2.5) to man up and stop being a cry baby. My opinion is that it doesn't really bother me if DD sits on my lap, or helps me do the laundry, and if she isn't comfortable with my parents, why force her to stay with them? When DD was a baby, my mom questioned the fact that I was breast feeding. She also suggested that we should let DD cry it out at 2.5 months (we did cry it out at 8 months). I just try to ignore her, but I find it difficult not to take things personally when my mom is suggesting that DD is bad, or that we are parenting wrong.

[Anonymous]

Nope, my in-laws don't.

My parents on the other hand - they tend to ask pointed questions that are of absolutely no concern to them. "So, how long are you going to nurse?" "When are you going to move the baby into his own bed?" "When are you going to give him a cookie?"

[Anonymous]

My mom critiques my sister's parenting to me and (I'm sure) critiques my parenting to my sister. My dad makes passive aggressive remarks and clearly thinks he could do a better job despite (a) doing about 10% of the actual parenting when I was a kid, (b) only seeing his grandkids about four times a year (they live on the other side of the country), and (c) continually taking it personally when 6 YO DS doesn't listen to him and ending up screaming at him (that always ends well). I have no issue with my mom being judgey because she does it behind my back like a normal person. My dad's very obvious attitude drives me up a f*cking wall because it's so completely delusional.

[Anonymous]

Nope. My dad, who I expected to be wildly critical of my parenting given his attitude about everything else in my life for as long as I can remember, was hugely supportive and validating. My mom, who is already a kind and loving person, was doubly kind and loving. They offered advice if I asked for it, and generally went out of their way to make the early days easier (mom was there when DD was born, dad came about 3 weeks later).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My reserved, shy, somewhat anxious 3 yo DD sees my parents about once every 9 months. They don't understand why she doesn't run to their arms immediately and why she prefers me and my DH to them. When my DD was 1.5 years old, my mom said that my DD was a "nightmare" because DD would cry whenever I or my husband left the room. When trying to explain the basis for my DD's behavior, my mom responded that "there is no such thing as a bad baby, just bad parents." More recently, we had a large amount of family visiting (including my parents, siblings, and their young kids). This made DD fairly anxious because it was her first time meeting my siblings/her cousins, plus it was a lot of people to have in our small house for several days. DD became especially clingy to me during the visit (wanting to be held, sit on my lap, come with me as i did chores around the house), which made my mom very frustrated. My mom commented several times that we were letting DD run our lives because we tried to accommodate DD's clinginess. My mom's opinion was that we should tell DD (then 2.5) to man up and stop being a cry baby. My opinion is that it doesn't really bother me if DD sits on my lap, or helps me do the laundry, and if she isn't comfortable with my parents, why force her to stay with them? When DD was a baby, my mom questioned the fact that I was breast feeding. She also suggested that we should let DD cry it out at 2.5 months (we did cry it out at 8 months). I just try to ignore her, but I find it difficult not to take things personally when my mom is suggesting that DD is bad, or that we are parenting wrong.

I would stop being around my mother if she said those things to me. ESPECIALLY if she said them in front of my DD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My dad, who I expected to be wildly critical of my parenting given his attitude about everything else in my life for as long as I can remember, was hugely supportive and validating. My mom, who is already a kind and loving person, was doubly kind and loving. They offered advice if I asked for it, and generally went out of their way to make the early days easier (mom was there when DD was born, dad came about 3 weeks later).

15:01 here. These are my in laws. I heart them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope. My dad, who I expected to be wildly critical of my parenting given his attitude about everything else in my life for as long as I can remember, was hugely supportive and validating. My mom, who is already a kind and loving person, was doubly kind and loving. They offered advice if I asked for it, and generally went out of their way to make the early days easier (mom was there when DD was born, dad came about 3 weeks later).

15:01 here. These are my in laws. I heart them.

PP here. Your parents sound like MY in laws! Add in my SIL being happy to relay my MIL's criticism because she "thought I would want to know."