Everyone's parents critiques their parenting, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My reserved, shy, somewhat anxious 3 yo DD sees my parents about once every 9 months. They don't understand why she doesn't run to their arms immediately and why she prefers me and my DH to them. When my DD was 1.5 years old, my mom said that my DD was a "nightmare" because DD would cry whenever I or my husband left the room. When trying to explain the basis for my DD's behavior, my mom responded that "there is no such thing as a bad baby, just bad parents." More recently, we had a large amount of family visiting (including my parents, siblings, and their young kids). This made DD fairly anxious because it was her first time meeting my siblings/her cousins, plus it was a lot of people to have in our small house for several days. DD became especially clingy to me during the visit (wanting to be held, sit on my lap, come with me as i did chores around the house), which made my mom very frustrated. My mom commented several times that we were letting DD run our lives because we tried to accommodate DD's clinginess. My mom's opinion was that we should tell DD (then 2.5) to man up and stop being a cry baby. My opinion is that it doesn't really bother me if DD sits on my lap, or helps me do the laundry, and if she isn't comfortable with my parents, why force her to stay with them? When DD was a baby, my mom questioned the fact that I was breast feeding. She also suggested that we should let DD cry it out at 2.5 months (we did cry it out at 8 months). I just try to ignore her, but I find it difficult not to take things personally when my mom is suggesting that DD is bad, or that we are parenting wrong.

I would stop being around my mother if she said those things to me. ESPECIALLY if she said them in front of my DD.

PP here: I feel a strange mix of emotions with respect to the relationship. On the one hand she is my mother and i feel a sense of duty to be a loyal daughter. On the other hand, she can be straight out mean sometimes and I hate to expose my daughter to that (it was easy to ignore when it was just me and DH - not so easy now that DD is here). We used to live about 3 hours from my parents. When DD was 1, my husband got a job offer on the other side of the country and we accepted it in part because we needed the distance from my mother. We try to limit the duration of our visits to just 2 - 3 days, because things inevitably turn south after the first 24 hours. It is sad because my dad is GREAT, and I feel bad to punish him because of my Mom.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, at least mine do. Everything from choice of pediatrician to the tone of voice in which I speak to my child. And my parents don't see themselves in the least as critical.

[Anonymous]

The only thing my mom has ever said to me is that I'm doing a great job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only thing my mom has ever said to me is that I'm doing a great job.

Treasure her. I'm PP above who was complaining about my dad. The first week home from the hospital with my first kid, he was driving me crazy ("He's so FUSSY." "There's something WRONG with him!" "He sure cries a lot.") and I couldn't figure out why I was so bothered. Was it hormones? Was I just being too sensitive? Then they left and my in laws came. The only thing my FIL said as he was leaving is, "you're doing a great job, mama." Then I realized why I was so upset by my own father. He never said anything like that to me. Not once. Six years later and the pattern continues pretty much every visit.

[Anonymous]

If my parents or my ILs made a peep about my/our parenting, we would see them a lot less. I don't have time for that crap and I make my family's schedule. If I don't like you, you aren't on it.

[Anonymous]

My parents don't.

My ILs do. Closest example to yours was we were staying with them. We put the baby to sleep then went to a movie; they had agreed to watch him. We told them if he wakes up, give him 3 minutes to calm himself because he always does. When we came back she was rocking/shaking the crib because he wouldn't go to sleep without it. Turns out she went in there immediately when he stirred because 3 minutes of crying was too much. Then she was stuck rocking the crib for an hour til we returned and had to cio like it was bedtime all over again .

She likes to tell me that the way she did things for her kids was better. I try to tell her it worked better for her kids but we choose some ways that are different. That doesn't go over well (and the next time she watched the kids and we went out, we came back and he was eating candy in her bed, even though when we left he was sleeping in his bed :/ )

[Anonymous]

My parents do not criticize my parenting. They offer advice only when asked. It is one of the reasons I love them and tell them often that they are welcome to visit whenever they want.

[Anonymous]

My siblings IL don't criticize but are surprised by some things, like that we didn't let the 4month old watch the world cup when we were all together with them, or that we don't allow procesed sugar. Sure, someday DS will have procsesed sugar, but he's still under 2.

[Anonymous]

"Why is your 3.5 year old still rear facing? That's probably why she gets carsick... (once a year)"

"Your 14 month old still drinks from a bottle at night?"

"Why are you so wrapped around not giving them both tons of sugar when we visit?"

My personal favorite... "The second baby probably doesn't talk as much because those nice ladies who take care of her probably speak to her in Spanish all day" ..


GOD HELP ME THIS WEEKEND. THANKSGIVING MAKES ME CRAZY.

[Anonymous]

My ILs never criticized me for anything and actually were full of praises about how my kids are being raised. My mom and dad adore my kids, so I get a break from being a mom when they are around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Why is your 3.5 year old still rear facing? That's probably why she gets carsick... (once a year)"

"Your 14 month old still drinks from a bottle at night?"

"Why are you so wrapped around not giving them both tons of sugar when we visit?"

My personal favorite... "The second baby probably doesn't talk as much because those nice ladies who take care of her probably speak to her in Spanish all day" ..


GOD HELP ME THIS WEEKEND. THANKSGIVING MAKES ME CRAZY.

Hahahah. Oh man.

Yep, this is why God made wine. Enjoy PP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS hit 9 months this weekend and it was as if everything came together for him and he finally got moving! We put him to bed and he started crawling around his crib, screaming about 3 hours later. He normally STTN ever since crying it out a few months ago, but had been sick a few days before, so we thought it was that 9 month regression. We dutifully applied cry it out.

But my mother was staying the night and decided she needed to intervene. Just after we decided to let me go a little while after more rocking, she came up the stairs (we heard her from our upstairs bedroom, she as staying downstairs). She was just going to go in there and do what she pleased. We had a loud whisper argument about how she could not go in there. She finally went back downstairs and passive-aggressively emailed me articles about how cry it out was terrible and was shouting up at us that we should go in to soothe him again.

Now she's back at her home but just keeps emailing me these crap articles that I read months ago before we decided to do cry it out and learned that those articles were based on poor studies. I know its not for everyone, but it irks me that in my own home I have to put up with this!!

Of course, last night DS cried for about 15 minutes, but slept through the night, until 0430, which is almost normal.

I'm more annoyed that my mother was just going to go in there, as if we were not doing anything. :-/ Venting over.

I swear, the internet and iphone are the worst things in the world for grandparents, especially with the constant articles. My parents do this too, always when they disagree with something. My mother calls it "research."

OP, try to ignore her as much as possible. She probably can't help herself and wants to be her grandchild's hero. You're the one who has the live with your crying baby-- she doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing my mom has ever said to me is that I'm doing a great job.

Treasure her. I'm PP above who was complaining about my dad. The first week home from the hospital with my first kid, he was driving me crazy ("He's so FUSSY." "There's something WRONG with him!" "He sure cries a lot.") and I couldn't figure out why I was so bothered. Was it hormones? Was I just being too sensitive? Then they left and my in laws came. The only thing my FIL said as he was leaving is, "you're doing a great job, mama." Then I realized why I was so upset by my own father. He never said anything like that to me. Not once. Six years later and the pattern continues pretty much every visit.

Pp here - I do now. This thread is what made me reflect on her

[Anonymous]

My relationship with my parents wasn't great before DC was born, but I give them a lot of credit that there has been no criticism from my mom and a very limited amount from my dad. My mom told me she knows that it will only hurt her if she pisses me off and doesn't have regular opportunities to see her grandchild. She has admitted over the years that she does disagree with things that my sister or I do in our childrearing, but she keeps it to herself. Mostly she praises me for doing a good job.

In-laws have passed away so don't have to deal with that.

[Anonymous]

Back to OP, no, I wouldn't have done CIO when I had a guest in the house any more than I would do CIO on a crowded airplane. You may be used to the sound of a screaming baby, but most people are not and really just want to make it stop.