Gift returning etiquette?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Crowd-sourcing this one for DH (his mother, his decision). MIL gives terrible gifts that, saddest of all, show how little she truly knows her children and children-in-law. To top it off, she spends money she really really doesn't have. Repeated requests to 'leave gifts for the kids!' etc. etc. have fallen on deaf ears. I'm a daughter-in-law and the whole thing exasperates me, but I realize that all families are different, and I try to just brush it off.
This year's gift just arrived (DH's family typically exchanges on thanksgiving, but we aren't attending this year) and it's awful. And to make it worse, a quick Google shows that it cost $150. What to do? The easy thing would be to stuff it in the attic until she visits. I think what is really bothering DH about that is the complete waste of money they really really do not have. Is it still better to be polite, even if you're costing the other person money they desperately need to save? What would you do, DCUM? Thanks! |
Anonymous
Ebay. |
Anonymous
|
LOL. OP here - that made me laugh. DH is agonizing so he is less giggly than me.
One facet that I should have mentioned is that DH explicitly asked her to honor the preference for no gifts after last year's debacle. Now that we have a kid, he was able to say that we know gifts for kids add up (they do! There are 6 grandkids) and please do not give us anything in future. I think in addition to wasting their non-existent money, DH is also concerned about keeping the gift because it reinforces that she should just feel free to ignore him. Communication is pretty nonexistent in their family and he is trying to improve that, at least when it comes to his relationships. I am at such a loss as to what he should do. If it were me I'd say "god mum this is awful. We could really use x, would you mind?" and she'd say "of course not, go ahead! Ha ha" and the story would be over. |
Anonymous
| Attic |
Anonymous
I posted about Ebay. (I sell unwanted gifts all the time.) If DH's mum doesn't cut back on the gifts, you have a few options. 1) When she physically hands it over, say 'I'm sorry, but as you know, we've decided DC has enough stuff, but we all thank you so much.' And maybe she can return it. 2) When you receive them in the mail, donate to a local charity and thank her profusely because the charity was so happy to receive the gift. 3) I know the previous 2 suggestions are sort of sad because Grandma loves giving so much, so would it work if you sent her an item listing that is cheap and small, and say 'DC has all of the ___ except this one, and would really love ONLY that. The only other gift DC would like is to see you for [weekend/ holiday/]' |
Anonymous
|
OP here - oh sorry, I was unclear. This is a gift for DH and I. I fully get that she wants to get a gift at xmas for grandkids. Should they spend the money? No. But they're her grandkids. We do have an Amazon list for DD to attempt to direct these gifts.
What he has requested is that there be no more gifts for us, the adults. It has to stop. And she has ignored it. And has not even asked us whether or not we would want it. She just ignored him and sent this giant ugly gift that we cannot return. QVC! Good god. |
Anonymous
Hi again! This is a new wrinkle (to me- maybe you said it and I missed it) but ignoring requests for no adult gift/s... I guess there are still a few options. 1) (This is in an email/ letter/ call before Christmas) 'MIL [or Mom, since it's your husband], I love that you think of us, and want to get us a lovely gift every year, but starting this year we really have to strictly adhere to our no-gifts rule, due to space issues! Any gifts that we receive are going to have to be donated to charity, so please don't go to the trouble.' 2) She gets you a gift anyway- 'Hi MIL/ Mom, As we said, we appreciate the gift so much, but really have no space for it. Would you prefer I return the gift to the company with your order number, or donate it (to a women's shelter, job center, homeless shelter...)?' She will get the picture if you say this enough times (hopefully). 3) Actually, I don't really know that I have a 3rd option, unless it's sell on ebay.  But then mom still spends money and doesn't get the message that is offered by #1 and 2.
I think Mom means well.
I don't know, OP! You both seem like good people, and I'm trying to help out, but it may just come down to MIL is going to buy you a gift- tell her what you want (that you think is within her budget but would make her feel really happy about getting for you- maybe a movie you say is really special but you keep forgetting to get it/ can't find it...? |
Anonymous
QVC actually has a very generous holiday return policy. You can return gifts up until Jan. 31st. Or as a PP said, sell it on eBay or have a yard sale. Save what you make in a special fund earmarked for MIL if she ever should need the help. http://www.qvc.com/FAQReturns.content.html#answer2 |
Anonymous
| ok i'm curious, what was it? try returning it and having her card credited. |
Anonymous
|
I have a mother like this. Talking to her about not sending gifts does not help. So, now I return what I can. At least getting something that I can use or enjoy makes it all seem slightly less wasteful.
QVC may allow until 1/31 for returns, but returning gifts there is a pain. I should know, my mother shops there all the time! I had to make an account for myself and then get the credits to that account. It's a hassle but it can be done and then it's almost like she gave you a gift card to QVC. I don't squirrel the gifts away in the attic and then pull them out when she is here. To me, that seems like rewarding the behavior. |
Anonymous
|
If it's QVC, you can return.
|
Anonymous
| You need to think like Mari Kondo and KonMari that thing out of your house. You thank the gift for "gifting you" and then you pass it along. It fulfilled its purpose when it was your gift. Now donate, return or ebay it! |
Anonymous
| Sell everything she gives you and put the money into a savings account. One day she might need it. |
Anonymous
|
It's her money to spend. Yes it's infuriating to see her waste it, but imagine she was spending it on something else, say lottery tickets. It'd still be infuriating, she'd still have no money, but it just wouldn't involve you.
I like the idea of donating it. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love it. It feels wasteful, but hopefully it's found a new home and the Goodwill center got to make a little profit on it. For her, clearly the act of giving the gift is what's most important. It's not about your enjoyment of said gift. So stop trying to control that aspect of her. Let her get the enjoyment, but feel ZERO obligation to keep anything. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand the issue. My MIL frequently (I'd say 90% of the time) gives my husband and me Christmas gifts that we don't want and have no use for. We say thank you and then we either store it in our basement or donate it. |