How do I nicely say no to this?
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Anonymous
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My sister in law texted me saying: Are you free tomorrow and up for lunch with [newborn niece] and me?
The truth is, I am free. But, I want to say no, for many reasons that I won't bother boring you with. But I want to say it very nicely without suggesting we get together some other time. I think in ten years of knowing each other, we've gotten together for a meal once before. So, we're not close. Suggestions? |
Anonymous
| Don't be a bitch and go, is my suggestion. |
Anonymous
| "I'm sorry but I'm not" |
Anonymous
| How good are your reasons? Is she awful to you or your kids? Is she going to rub stuff in your face? What's the deal? We need more details. |
Anonymous
| Why not just go? It's the nicer thing to do. It's just lunch. See your baby niece! |
Anonymous
Sorry! I already have plans. 
And leave it at that. |
Anonymous
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"Sorry, can't make it."
But regardless of the reasons for your past distance, you can meet her for lunch, give her a reason to leave the house and experience regular life, with a newborn. Say hi to your niece. It will not be a very long lunch, probably, so not too much to sit through. |
Anonymous
| Do you work? Then just say, sorry I'm really not able to get away during the day, my schedule is just too packed. |
Anonymous
+1 to all the PP said. |
Anonymous
| "No, I have plans, sorry. Hope you're both well!" |
Anonymous
Okay fine. Here are the more details: She's been really mean to me in passive-aggressive ways the last few months. I will not say a word to her about this because I know she had a stressful pregnancy and now has a newborn. However, I am going through an incredibly stressful time right now and can't really not let it penetrate and hurt me. She wants to talk to me about moving across the country to move in with my (formerly very verbally and emotionally abusive) parents, which I very much don't want to do. My brother, her husband, is pushing for this to happen. Being that she always dismisses everything I say, I don't want to bother explaining why I don't want to go. I am also very fragile right now and don't want to discuss it with her, someone I've never been close with. If I were in a good place in my life, I'd suck up the fact that we have almost nothing in common and can't spend time together without there being awkward silences. Even with my brother being in the next room. So going to lunch with her alone, now? I just don't want to. Normally I say yes to every invitation. I posted about this elsewhere on this site, but about a month ago my brother told me that my skin condition (which entails dry skin flaking off my body and scalp and around my hairline, which is completely mortifying for me and something I am desperately trying to get under control) grosses him and SIL out, and they are concerned that a flake will fall in the baby's mouth when she's cooing or something if I hold her. He wasn't saying it to be hurtful, but it definitely hurt a lot and now I'm even more embarrassed around them than I was before. |
Anonymous
| You don't need to give her an excuse and you don't need to arrange a different time. Don't let them get to you anymore than they already have. |
Anonymous
| I have a similar skin condition. I have to use shampo that smells gross. Any way your reasons seem valid. I would just say sorry you can't. See if she lets it go. Possibly say you have a doctors appointment just becareful not to get caught. |
Anonymous
| Just say you have a conflict in your schedule. If she wants another time, make it around thanksgiving and she'll do the postponing ... or you can make it a combined family thing to compensate at that time, which is only 10 days away! |
Anonymous
I'm a PP and no, don't say this. Say nothing specific, just that you can't make it. If she asks why not- "I have a previous engagement. Have a great day with ____!" If she asks what your 'engagement' is, say "Nothing of concern! Say hi to ___ for me." DO NOT ENGAGE. |