Bi/Gay Question, opinions/feedback needed!

[Anonymous]

I posted this to a thread on the explicit side, and haven't received a response - wondering if this side can give me some perspective: My boyfriend recently told me that his is bi. We talked about this. He said that he enjoys sex with men and women ( he has had 3somes with MFM, and FMF)...I asked him where he finds his emotional connection. He said that he has dated both men and women and can find an emotional connection with either if it is the right person. He has had past relationships as such, but not in any specific order... 1 year with a female, 3 yrs with a female, 2 yrs with a female, 1.5 yrs with a female, 6 months with a male, 8 months with a male. 6 months with a male. Is he really bi? Or is he gay? He has never cheated on anyone when in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's open about his sexuality and isn't ashamed of his attraction to men (in addition to women), which makes it likely that he's bi not gay and is attracted to you. Repressed closeted gay guys wouldn't act the way your boyfriend has (being honest with you and having long term actual relationships with men). I wouldn't worry too much.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is bi and acts on it, not gay.

[Anonymous]

I didn't see your question on the explicit board.

I don't get what's so confusing. He sleeps with men and women. He connects emotionally and romantically with men and women. He's bisexual.

You do know what bisexual means, right?

[Anonymous]

OP, are you concerned because his relationships with men have all been very short in duration, while his relationships with women have been longer?

[Anonymous]

He's bi.

As long as he is committed and faithful to you, it shouldn't matter. Don't buy into the stereotype of bisexuals being promiscuous libertines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see your question on the explicit board.

I don't get what's so confusing. He sleeps with men and women. He connects emotionally and romantically with men and women. He's bisexual.

You do know what bisexual means, right?

I did not post a question, I posted to one of the threads...yes, I know what bi means. I've NEVER had a relationship with a bi or possible gay man, thus ME unsure of this entire situation and if it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see your question on the explicit board.

I don't get what's so confusing. He sleeps with men and women. He connects emotionally and romantically with men and women. He's bisexual.

You do know what bisexual means, right?

I did not post a question, I posted to one of the threads...yes, I know what bi means. I've NEVER had a relationship with a bi or possible gay man, thus ME unsure of this entire situation and if it makes sense.

You probably have and just don't know about it.

A lot of people are bisexual to a degree. They don't necessarily act out on it, though, for obvious reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you concerned because his relationships with men have all been very short in duration, while his relationships with women have been longer?

Op here, I was "comforted" in the fact that his relationships with females have been longer (since I am a female!) ...I am just struggling to understand the mentality. Will he "miss" a relationship with a male, simply because of the difference in body parts? It's one thing to get "bored" with a relationship (which someone of the opposite sex, or fall out of love...) but if I physically can never offer the same physical relationship that a man can offer to another man, then can a bi sexual man truly stay in a long term (marry someday??) committed relationship with a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't see your question on the explicit board.

I don't get what's so confusing. He sleeps with men and women. He connects emotionally and romantically with men and women. He's bisexual.

You do know what bisexual means, right?

I did not post a question, I posted to one of the threads...yes, I know what bi means. I've NEVER had a relationship with a bi or possible gay man, thus ME unsure of this entire situation and if it makes sense.

You probably have and just don't know about it.

A lot of people are bisexual to a degree. They don't necessarily act out on it, though, for obvious reasons.

Op here: True, and I give him a lot of credit for being open with me and telling me!

[Anonymous]

IMO, the only real question is whether he is in fact bi, or if he is really gay. Does he seem like he is anxious or repressed? Conservative, religious background? Some gay guys start out by identifying as bi.

I'm not saying that he can't be legit bi. I think many "straight" people are secretly bi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you concerned because his relationships with men have all been very short in duration, while his relationships with women have been longer?

Op here, I was "comforted" in the fact that his relationships with females have been longer (since I am a female!) ...I am just struggling to understand the mentality. Will he "miss" a relationship with a male, simply because of the difference in body parts? It's one thing to get "bored" with a relationship (which someone of the opposite sex, or fall out of love...) but if I physically can never offer the same physical relationship that a man can offer to another man, then can a bi sexual man truly stay in a long term (marry someday??) committed relationship with a woman?

I understand what you are saying, but even as a women, you cannot fulfill every sexual appetite that he may desire from a woman. Straight men cheat all the time.

I'm not sure what the right answer is, other than not to jump to conclusions about him. I think you at least need to be able to trust him, that he will not "experiment" behind your back. Maybe insist that if he is really feeling the urge to be with a man that he needs to be upfront with you first about it. Keep that line of communication open so he doesn't give up and just go on the DL Again, even straight men cheat, so it's not entirely fair to single bisexuals out for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you concerned because his relationships with men have all been very short in duration, while his relationships with women have been longer?

Op here, I was "comforted" in the fact that his relationships with females have been longer (since I am a female!) ...I am just struggling to understand the mentality. Will he "miss" a relationship with a male, simply because of the difference in body parts? It's one thing to get "bored" with a relationship (which someone of the opposite sex, or fall out of love...) but if I physically can never offer the same physical relationship that a man can offer to another man, then can a bi sexual man truly stay in a long term (marry someday??) committed relationship with a woman?

OP, sexuality is a continuum. His bisexuality does not make him any more or less likely to stay in a relationship with you than any other aspect of him. I have been in relationships with women, some good and some less good. I'm married to my husband because I love him as a person. I'm no more likely to cheat on him with a woman than I am with a man.

I think it's reasonable for you to ask your fb these questions, since maybe having sex with men isn't something he wants to totally give up. You won't know unless you ask, and when you find out, you will have to decide if that's something you're up for. Many women would not be.

[Anonymous]

Were you worried your straight boyfriends would step out for sex that you couldn't offer them? He says he's bi.

I am bi. I am perfectly happy dating and committing to a man or woman. It's usually women. I have noticed that people have accused me of being either straight or gay when there's a breakup. I guess it's easier than accepting they had a hand in the demise of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were you worried your straight boyfriends would step out for sex that you couldn't offer them? He says he's bi.

I am bi. I am perfectly happy dating and committing to a man or woman. It's usually women. I have noticed that people have accused me of being either straight or gay when there's a breakup. I guess it's easier than accepting they had a hand in the demise of the relationship.

OP here: No, I wasn't worried about boyfriends stepping out or cheating...this just feels like "new territory" for more, and I just feel very unsure/unaware/uneducated...just UN everything! I really care for him, and don't want to end things because of my uncertainty, especially when he was so open with me! I appreciate your perspective, it helps a lot!