Bi/Gay Question, opinions/feedback needed!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you worried your straight boyfriends would step out for sex that you couldn't offer them? He says he's bi.

I am bi. I am perfectly happy dating and committing to a man or woman. It's usually women. I have noticed that people have accused me of being either straight or gay when there's a breakup. I guess it's easier than accepting they had a hand in the demise of the relationship.

OP here: No, I wasn't worried about boyfriends stepping out or cheating...this just feels like "new territory" for more, and I just feel very unsure/unaware/uneducated...just UN everything! I really care for him, and don't want to end things because of my uncertainty, especially when he was so open with me! I appreciate your perspective, it helps a lot!

You seem like a refreshingly decent person, slow to judge and eager to learn. Good luck, whoever you are.

[Anonymous]

If he doesn't seem ashamed or embarrassed about it, like he's a gay man who only has relationships with women as kind of a cover, he sounds like he is truly bisexual.

It's ok to be wondering about this stuff. It's new to you. I'm a straight woman who has dated a couple of guys who had minor same-sex experimentation in their pasts. I had the same questions/concerns you did.

Just keep the lines of communication open. Yes, he may at some point decide that he misses sex with men, and you'll cross that bridge. good luck!

[Anonymous]

Truly bi men are considered to be somewhat rare, but maybe that's what he is. If he is serially monogamous, that's a positive thing. I don't know how old he is, but you listed about 10 years worth of relationships, and I would ask myself if he's ever going to be the kind who settles down for good in a truly long-term relationship, if that was what I was looking for. Nothing wrong with who he is and how he does things, since he sounds pretty honest, but look into yourself for what you want. You won't change him, so don't waste time trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truly bi men are considered to be somewhat rare, but maybe that's what he is. If he is serially monogamous, that's a positive thing. I don't know how old he is, but you listed about 10 years worth of relationships, and I would ask myself if he's ever going to be the kind who settles down for good in a truly long-term relationship, if that was what I was looking for. Nothing wrong with who he is and how he does things, since he sounds pretty honest, but look into yourself for what you want. You won't change him, so don't waste time trying.

Op here: He's 36....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you worried your straight boyfriends would step out for sex that you couldn't offer them? He says he's bi.

I am bi. I am perfectly happy dating and committing to a man or woman. It's usually women. I have noticed that people have accused me of being either straight or gay when there's a breakup. I guess it's easier than accepting they had a hand in the demise of the relationship.

OP here: No, I wasn't worried about boyfriends stepping out or cheating...this just feels like "new territory" for more, and I just feel very unsure/unaware/uneducated...just UN everything! I really care for him, and don't want to end things because of my uncertainty, especially when he was so open with me! I appreciate your perspective, it helps a lot!

You seem like a refreshingly decent person, slow to judge and eager to learn. Good luck, whoever you are.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Truly bi men are considered to be somewhat rare, but maybe that's what he is. If he is serially monogamous, that's a positive thing. I don't know how old he is, but you listed about 10 years worth of relationships, and I would ask myself if he's ever going to be the kind who settles down for good in a truly long-term relationship, if that was what I was looking for. Nothing wrong with who he is and how he does things, since he sounds pretty honest, but look into yourself for what you want. You won't change him, so don't waste time trying.

I don't think it's that rare.

Men who feel attracted to both men and women obviously have very little incentive to explore their attraction to men. It is currently easier to be openly gay than to be openly bi.

Concepts like "gay," "straight" and "bi" didn't exist unil modern times. In ancient times, sexuality was defined by whether or not you prefered to penetrate or be penetrated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Truly bi men are considered to be somewhat rare, but maybe that's what he is. If he is serially monogamous, that's a positive thing. I don't know how old he is, but you listed about 10 years worth of relationships, and I would ask myself if he's ever going to be the kind who settles down for good in a truly long-term relationship, if that was what I was looking for. Nothing wrong with who he is and how he does things, since he sounds pretty honest, but look into yourself for what you want. You won't change him, so don't waste time trying.

I don't think it's that rare.

Men who feel attracted to both men and women obviously have very little incentive to explore their attraction to men. It is currently easier to be openly gay than to be openly bi.

Concepts like "gay," "straight" and "bi" didn't exist unil modern times. In ancient times, sexuality was defined by whether or not you prefered to penetrate or be penetrated.

Actually, I think the defining quality of most truly gay men is their preference for the latter. Feeling some attraction to others of the same sex is normal, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I'd worry about HIV if I were you, OP. Men who have sex with men are at extremely high risk for contracting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you concerned because his relationships with men have all been very short in duration, while his relationships with women have been longer?

Op here, I was "comforted" in the fact that his relationships with females have been longer (since I am a female!) ...I am just struggling to understand the mentality. Will he "miss" a relationship with a male, simply because of the difference in body parts? It's one thing to get "bored" with a relationship (which someone of the opposite sex, or fall out of love...) but if I physically can never offer the same physical relationship that a man can offer to another man, then can a bi sexual man truly stay in a long term (marry someday??) committed relationship with a woman?

You say he's never cheated, so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd worry about HIV if I were you, OP. Men who have sex with men are at extremely high risk for contracting it.

Just because he is bi doesn't mean that he is having wild, promiscuous sex with other men. He may have had fewer partners than you, PP.