Cry baby 7 yr old girl. What should I do? Could this be a serious issue?
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Anonymous
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My daughter is 7. She is a great sport. She doesn't mind losing and when she does lose will say "good game." She's a kind sweet soul, good friend, she shares easily but my goodness will cry at the drop of a hat over silly things. It's usually a soft silent cry and you don't even know she is doing it unless you are looking at her. Her eyes well and tears stream but it's clear she's trying to stifle it. It's usually over minor things. For example, at dinner, I may ask her brother if she'd like some milk. I go get my son some milk with every intention of asking my 7 yr old after I get my son's milk, but before I even can hers, she's crying. I ask what's wrong and she'll say, "I want milk too." What the??? Her teacher told me she received an assignment that ripped so she needed to get another paper. She walked up to the teacher with tears in her eyes about her ripped paper. Didn't wail, didn't cry audibly, but was teary eyed. It's just paper and she didn't rip it so it's not like she would get in trouble. Another example the teacher told me is that she was addressing some kids talking in line. She told these 2 kids earlier not to talk. At this moment, she said "Stop talking, I'm not going to tell you again." My 7 yr old was standing near the kids. Tears welled up in her eyes, the teacher asked what was wrong, and my 7 yr old said "I wasn't talking and I wasn't there when you said not to talk the first time." The teacher said she wasn't even talking to my 7 yr old. It's just not normal. I don't see other 7 yr olds get so upset about such little things.
On the flip side, she never gives us trouble when we tell her "no." She's real easy going when it comes to rules. For example, if we say she can't do something her friends are doing. She usually says, "ok." No fight. Just this past weekend we didn't allow her to do a sleep over she was invited to because we don't do them and she just told her friend calmly, "I'm not allowed to spend the night yet." No tears, nothing. She's like that all the time. Her tears are never about her not getting her way. She also does homework without a fight 95% of the time. Any thoughts? Suggestions? She gets great grades in school. She has lots of friends, she has no problems being brave or separating from us. When it comes to activities or trying new things she is fearless, but this just isn't normal to me. We wonder if she needs to see a shrink, but we're not sure for what? Is this anxiety? Over sensitivity? I'll take any advice. |
Anonymous
| Why is it so bad she's crying? She's likely very sensitive, has tons of emotions, and they have to come out somehow. Focus on helping her problem solve. But I wouldn't freak out about the tears, especially if she seems to be happy in general. |
Anonymous
| sounds like anxiety |
Anonymous
her teacher mentioned it which freaked us out. Her kindergarten and 1st grade teachers never did. Probably because at 5 and 6 it was normal but at 7, maybe not so much. That is why I'm concerned. If she is sensitive, would she outgrow it or will she be 14 and crying because no one asked her if she was thirsty fast enough? |
Anonymous
| I was that child. I'm much, much better now (at 38!) but still tear up easily over embarrassments, funny things, sad things, etc. I can't help it! It's a physical thing--overactive tear ducts, I call it. It's not that I feel things more (at least I don't think so) it's just that my feeling express themselves, annoyingly, through tears. |
Anonymous
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She's just sensitive. I got teary today telling my daughter that when France told the German National Team they couldn't guarantee their safety if they left the stadium the other night, the German team stayed overnight, and to be kind, the France National Team stayed overnight with them. Because I was moved.
I get choked up easily. |
Anonymous
| Aw she sounds like a sweetheart. Ask if she WANTS help to control it and show her some basic yoga breathing exercises. |
Anonymous
| My now 8 year old went through that, so it may ease up. I did tell him that not everything is cry worthy and to try real hard not to cry. I eventually had to tell him that it may not be a good idea in front of his peers. |
Anonymous
This is my son, and he's a couple of years older. FWIW, he's not anxious, just a tender-hearted softie. If I see that he's upset, eyes welling up with tears, I'll generally try to pull him aside in private and find out what's wrong--he doesn't make a big deal about his sadness, but I think it helps him to talk through it. |
Anonymous
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I don't think it's a good idea to start labeling someone's emotional repertoire "not normal," especially a kid of seven. She has a high degree of empathy. She also has a strong sense of justice. Give her chances to express that. I teared up very easily as a kid over any friend's problem or homeless animal; today I'm a law firm litigator and I really don't tear up very easily.
Reframe your feelings about this issue to see the good side -- her sense of morality, her sense of justice, and her empathy are very advanced for her age. |
Anonymous
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I disagree with this being about her empathizing with others, the examples given are entirely about her.
How do you discipline her OP? I she the older sister or the younger sister compared to her brother? When she gets teary how do you respond? |
Anonymous
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Have you not watched Inside Out. People are emotional. Some more than others. The other teachers didn't bring it up
because they could handle it. I would just tell the teacher she is a sensitive kid and drop it. She is 7 which I know in DCUM world is preteen but she is just a little kid figuring herself out. Don't stifle or embarrass her. |
Anonymous
NP here. PP makes a good point. Sensitive doesn't always equate with empathy. I don't think the crying is an issue, but rather whether or not your DD can find the words to say what she needs or wants to say to people. |
Anonymous
I don't discipline her. She doesn't ever give me a reason to. I'm not saying she's perfect, she may forget to bring her coat home or she may whine but I don't discipline her for those things. She has not given me a reason to have to discipline her or take away things she enjoys. This crying thing is our issue with her and I don't discipline her for it. Although I will admit I don't handle it well and could use some improvement. But please believe my son's antics more than make up for my 7 yr old's good behavior. He's a handful times two and gets disciplined every 2 mins. My 7 yr old is the oldest. Her brother is 5. Her brother gets time-outs and sometimes a hand swat. When she gets teary I don't respond well, I hate to admit. I tell her to stop crying (may even yell) and say "you only cry when you are physically hurt or your feelings are badly hurt. Stop crying over silly stuff you are 7 years old, you're not a baby!" 
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Anonymous
Any ideas to help her through this? I think this may be a good point. Maybe she is either afraid or doesn't know how to express her thoughts/needs and so she resorts to tears out of fear or frustration or both. |