Cry baby 7 yr old girl. What should I do? Could this be a serious issue?

[Anonymous]

Aww, she sounds like a serious people pleaser and such a sweetie. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice about her, but I really think you should work more on yourself. Obviously, shouting at her or telling her what is acceptable (in your eyes) to cry about are not strategies that work. I'm sure it makes everything worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When she gets teary I don't respond well, I hate to admit. I tell her to stop crying (may even yell) and say "you only cry when you are physically hurt or your feelings are badly hurt. Stop crying over silly stuff you are 7 years old, you're not a baby!"

Ouch! Put yourself into your little daughter's place and reread your word, two or three times. She must feel like she's walking on eggshells around you. If she does have anxiety issues, you're making them way worse.

I think if anything you should be supporting her and helping her to work on her confidence. She starts crying because you haven't offered her milk yet? Then say, "Oh, honey, of course I'll you get you milk next. And it's always OK to ask for something you'd like."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she gets teary I don't respond well, I hate to admit. I tell her to stop crying (may even yell) and say "you only cry when you are physically hurt or your feelings are badly hurt. Stop crying over silly stuff you are 7 years old, you're not a baby!"

Ouch! Put yourself into your little daughter's place and reread your word, two or three times. She must feel like she's walking on eggshells around you. If she does have anxiety issues, you're making them way worse.

I think if anything you should be supporting her and helping her to work on her confidence. She starts crying because you haven't offered her milk yet? Then say, "Oh, honey, of course I'll you get you milk next. And it's always OK to ask for something you'd like."

So true. I cringed as I typed all of that, but I had to be honest. My husband and I handle it completely wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that child. I'm much, much better now (at 38!) but still tear up easily over embarrassments, funny things, sad things, etc. I can't help it! It's a physical thing--overactive tear ducts, I call it. It's not that I feel things more (at least I don't think so) it's just that my feeling express themselves, annoyingly, through tears.

Yeah me too, I was also like your daughter. I'm 36. I think I was like this till 10 or so? Around 8 or so, I started going into the guest room closet where my parents stacked extra blankets and that became my place to cry in private. For me, crying was/is a relief. I still cry all the time at movies, weddings, graduations, even for people I don't know very well. Its kind of embarrassing but what can you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aww, she sounds like a serious people pleaser and such a sweetie. I'm sorry, I don't have any advice about her, but I really think you should work more on yourself. Obviously, shouting at her or telling her what is acceptable (in your eyes) to cry about are not strategies that work. I'm sure it makes everything worse.

Duly noted. I agree. I just want to be sure this is not some issue we're missing. Can you take a 7 yr old to a psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

You certainly can take a 7 year old to a psychiatrist but why would you? I would use the time and money instead for a parenting coach who can show you better ways to relate to both of your children.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP. Yeah, you are handling it wrong. But hey, you know that, so you'll handle it differently now. First, realize she can't control the tears. They are a physiological response. I am a hair trigger crier, too, and I can't do anything to stop it, though there are a few things I can do to make it less obvious I've teared up, like tipping my head back so the tears flow back into my sinuses. But she can learn those things later. I wouldn't even mention the tears at all...consider them the same as sweat. It just happens.

I would say that its possible that she is either anxious or a perfectionist, but nothing you have said makes it sound like she is pathologically so. I have cried when other people are being yelled at, not because of empathy in a deep emotional sense, but because my body reacts as if I were being yelled at. Its almost lizard brain stuff.

Give her kindness and tenderness, OP. Sounds like she gives you those things. Can you give them back to her, too?

[Anonymous]

PP here again. Just wanted to ask you not to use "cry baby" language. I'm the crier above and I truly a tough person - heck, birthed a 10+ pound baby without drugs, competitive athlete in a grueling sport, have lived in horrible conditions in third world countries. And I cry. Crying is simply unrelated to one's mental and physical toughness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was that child. I'm much, much better now (at 38!) but still tear up easily over embarrassments, funny things, sad things, etc. I can't help it! It's a physical thing--overactive tear ducts, I call it. It's not that I feel things more (at least I don't think so) it's just that my feeling express themselves, annoyingly, through tears.

Yeah me too, I was also like your daughter. I'm 36. I think I was like this till 10 or so? Around 8 or so, I started going into the guest room closet where my parents stacked extra blankets and that became my place to cry in private. For me, crying was/is a relief. I still cry all the time at movies, weddings, graduations, even for people I don't know very well. Its kind of embarrassing but what can you do.

I'm another one of these people. I work in a tough industry, play sports, and don't mind physical pain. However, I cry just talking about commercials involving puppies. As a 2nd grader, I absolutely would have teared up either thinking I was getting yelled at or watching the people near me get yelled at. Mostly from shock. In the milk situation I would say something like the PP suggested, "You may ask me to get you some milk, too!"

[Anonymous]

It's very clear that I have handled it all wrong. I have reached out to a parenting coach to help my husband and I handle this better. At this point I really just want to make sure my baby is ok. I now cry a a result of worrying about this issue. I messed up. I hurt her. I made it worse. Going forward, I just want to be certain this is normal or something she will grow out of and not a serious issue and I don't know where to go to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she gets teary I don't respond well, I hate to admit. I tell her to stop crying (may even yell) and say "you only cry when you are physically hurt or your feelings are badly hurt. Stop crying over silly stuff you are 7 years old, you're not a baby!"

Ouch! Put yourself into your little daughter's place and reread your word, two or three times. She must feel like she's walking on eggshells around you. If she does have anxiety issues, you're making them way worse.

I think if anything you should be supporting her and helping her to work on her confidence. She starts crying because you haven't offered her milk yet? Then say, "Oh, honey, of course I'll you get you milk next. And it's always OK to ask for something you'd like."

I was a "crybaby," and I still tear up easily (especially when I'm angry!). It was awful. Please, don't yell at your daughter for crying, and don't call her a baby. It might just be a phase, or she might always be an easy cryer. You can work on strategies to control years (deep breaths, walking away, biting your lip, etc.), but some people just cry more easily than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very clear that I have handled it all wrong. I have reached out to a parenting coach to help my husband and I handle this better. At this point I really just want to make sure my baby is ok. I now cry a a result of worrying about this issue. I messed up. I hurt her. I made it worse. Going forward, I just want to be certain this is normal or something she will grow out of and not a serious issue and I don't know where to go to find out.

Stop pathologizing your daughter. Lots of kids go through teary stages at about this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very clear that I have handled it all wrong. I have reached out to a parenting coach to help my husband and I handle this better. At this point I really just want to make sure my baby is ok. I now cry a a result of worrying about this issue. I messed up. I hurt her. I made it worse. Going forward, I just want to be certain this is normal or something she will grow out of and not a serious issue and I don't know where to go to find out.

I'm one of the PPs who suggested you work on yourself (I didn't have any ideas for your daughter, unfortunately). I just wanted to say - don't beat yourself up! You're recognizing an issue and trying to improve it. I think most of us feel that we've made mistakes along the way, but the important thing is recognition and adaptation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Going forward, I just want to be certain this is normal or something she will grow out of and not a serious issue and I don't know where to go to find out.

Why don't you give it some time--work on your parenting, and then establish a "new normal" in your family. With time, and your increased sensitivity toward your daughter, you'll be able to see if the tears are getting in the way of her leading a happy life. Change yourself first, though. Don't look for changes in her for at least 6 months to a year. (*And don't look for her to change from a cryer to a non-cryer. See if you are helping her to develop the self-confidence to ask for what she needs or wants, whether or not she has tears in her eyes.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When she gets teary I don't respond well, I hate to admit. I tell her to stop crying (may even yell) and say "you only cry when you are physically hurt or your feelings are badly hurt. Stop crying over silly stuff you are 7 years old, you're not a baby!"

Ouch! Put yourself into your little daughter's place and reread your word, two or three times. She must feel like she's walking on eggshells around you. If she does have anxiety issues, you're making them way worse.

I think if anything you should be supporting her and helping her to work on her confidence. She starts crying because you haven't offered her milk yet? Then say, "Oh, honey, of course I'll you get you milk next. And it's always OK to ask for something you'd like."

So true. I cringed as I typed all of that, but I had to be honest. My husband and I handle it completely wrong.

That's TERRIBLE of you. You're telling her not to feel her feelings. And FYI, grownups cry. It's not just babies who cry. In addition, people cry for all SORTS of reasons - not just when they're physically hurt or feelings are badly hurt. So not only were you mean to a small child, but you're wrong too. Try empathizing with her. "It's such a shock when you think you'll get offered something but them don't isn't it?" "It's hard when you think your teacher is angry at you, and then such a huge relief when you realize she's not." Empathize.