Adam4Adam

[Anonymous]

Hi -I posted this on the explicit side, and received NO help ...only "snarky comments".... Any true advise would be appreciated.

I found the A4A app on my boyfriends cell phone, an a text from someone from the site... How should I approach this subject with him? I feel bad that I was looking thru his phone, but I knew something was up. I thought it was another women, NOT another GUY! I don't know if he's gay, bi - or what??? HELP!

[Anonymous]

He's gay. I'm not sure what advice you need beyond that.

[Anonymous]

how old is he? Be-careful there are predators and dating apps are not for minors.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? How long have you been with your boyfriend? I need more information before I can give you advice. Try to flesh out the story please.
Other important information relates to whether or not you could safely have a potentially intense conversation with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? How long have you been with your boyfriend? I need more information before I can give you advice. Try to flesh out the story please.
Other important information relates to whether or not you could safely have a potentially intense conversation with him.

We are both 36 years old. We have been dating for 8 months. No kids. He's a professional, and widely know in a local school district.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's gay. I'm not sure what advice you need beyond that.

Well, bi and on the DL at the very least.

OP, if you can handle a bi boyfriend, have a convo, otherwise, I'd find a nice way to bail.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't confront him directly about the app. You're not married, and it's not clear if he was actually "hooking-up" or just window-shopping, or even just curious. I'm also not sure what the circumstances were that you were going through his cell, but that could be an issue as well.

If he's gay, and in the closet, the direct confrontation route will probably just result in him making up some desperate lie. A positive outcome is unlikely when someone is caught off-guard like that.

Instead, I would try to find indirect ways of figuring out what his sexuality, without seeming threatening or "judgy." As I get older, I am realizing that sexuality is not nearly as black or white as we led to believe, so try to resist the calls to just throw him into the "duh! he's gay!" bucket.

Obviously, if you're exclusive, and you have reason to believe that he's shtupping other people (male or female) then you've got a problem.

[Anonymous]

it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

[Anonymous]

Chances that he is just curious are very slim. Your boyfriend is either gay or bi. If you can't accept that, find a reason to bail.

Any other indications he may be gay other than this? Also, I second getting tested for STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

[Anonymous]

OP, whether or not he is gay, he likes guys and was planning to cheat on you. Just leave. What is the point in discussing unless you want an open relationship with a bi guy who lies? Very simple. I am sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Chances that he is just curious are very slim. Your boyfriend is either gay or bi. If you can't accept that, find a reason to bail.

Any other indications he may be gay other than this? Also, I second getting tested for STDs.

There are also guys who are fantasize with no intention of following through. What is sex like with him?

[Anonymous]

he might just be looking, window shopping if you will. I highly suggest though, that you play with his ass a bit during oral.... a lot of guys like that but they just don't know how to ask for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:it's a borderline male prostitution site where people go to have lots of sex. I would get tested and I am concerned that he is in the school system.

Was with you until the bolded.

Sexual misconduct whether gay or not is a violation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Chances that he is just curious are very slim. Your boyfriend is either gay or bi. If you can't accept that, find a reason to bail.

Any other indications he may be gay other than this? Also, I second getting tested for STDs.

There are also guys who are fantasize with no intention of following through. What is sex like with him?

very small chance of that