Brother wants to bring his dogs here for Thanksgiving...

[Anonymous]

Ok, give me some perspective DCUMers. Am I being unreasonable? Here's the situation...

I love my family dearly and Thanksgiving, in our family, is the one holiday that we are always together for. Not it's just my family, my brother's family and my dad. They live 6.5 hours away and I've invited them here this year. They are happy to come, but they want to bring their dogs. This has come up before, and I've always said no. My sister-in-law takes this personally and seems very upset by it.

I said no for the following reasons:
1. We have 2 cats and a dog. Although our cats have adjusted to our dog, I don't know what they will do with two other dogs staying at our house. My worst fear is that they start to pee on the carpet because they are afraid to try to get to the catbox or just because they decide to mark.

2. Their dogs have been know to have "accidents" - like, all the time. Although I'm constantly being told that they don't have accidents anymore...

3. I would then have a total of 9 people (possibly 10) staying in my 4 bedroom, 1 level home, along with 2 cats and 3 dogs (or potentially 4 dogs, because I think that they assumed that my niece could also bring her (large) dog). It seems like too much to me.

Trying to see it from my SIL's perspective, her dogs are tiny and cute and they are her surrogate children since she is now an empty-nester. She ALWAYS lets us bring our dog to her house (which I appreciate).

Am I being unreasonable? Rude? Should I just suck it up?

[Anonymous]

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[Anonymous]

So you know the dogs are fine together, but this issues is the crowdedness and the cats?

I donno. I would suck it up if you know the dogs get along ok.

[Anonymous]

If they are little, ask that they are baby-gated in the room where your brother is staying. For accidents, ask that they wear Belly Bands or similar - google this. There are little bands for boys, and little pants for girls to help contain accidents. I think all of this a a fair compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She ALWAYS lets us bring our dog to her house (which I appreciate).

They let you take your dog to them? But you won't reciprocate??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, give me some perspective DCUMers. Am I being unreasonable? Here's the situation...

I love my family dearly and Thanksgiving, in our family, is the one holiday that we are always together for. Not it's just my family, my brother's family and my dad. They live 6.5 hours away and I've invited them here this year. They are happy to come, but they want to bring their dogs. This has come up before, and I've always said no. My sister-in-law takes this personally and seems very upset by it.

I said no for the following reasons:
1. We have 2 cats and a dog. Although our cats have adjusted to our dog, I don't know what they will do with two other dogs staying at our house. My worst fear is that they start to pee on the carpet because they are afraid to try to get to the catbox or just because they decide to mark.

2. Their dogs have been know to have "accidents" - like, all the time. Although I'm constantly being told that they don't have accidents anymore...

3. I would then have a total of 9 people (possibly 10) staying in my 4 bedroom, 1 level home, along with 2 cats and 3 dogs (or potentially 4 dogs, because I think that they assumed that my niece could also bring her (large) dog). It seems like too much to me.

Trying to see it from my SIL's perspective, her dogs are tiny and cute and they are her surrogate children since she is now an empty-nester. She ALWAYS lets us bring our dog to her house (which I appreciate).

Am I being unreasonable? Rude? Should I just suck it up?

You lost me with the bolded. It is rude to bring your dog and not allow other dogs unless you already know there is a problem with the dogs. Your problems are all maybes - maybe the cats will pee, maybe the dogs are still having accidents, maybe it will feel crowded. If Tday is that important to your family, I would invite them with their dogs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She ALWAYS lets us bring our dog to her house (which I appreciate).

They let you take your dog to them? But you won't reciprocate??

This. You've taken your dog there and won't let her do the same? Talk over all the accident issues and who is responsible for cleanup and any cleaning costs you incur. Sucks for your cats but only fair.

[Anonymous]

I love the shit out of dogs and am often that person at a party on the floor playing with the one dog there.

But you need to say no and stay firm on that. Your loyalty is to the members of your household, including your own pets, and your house, including your carpets.

They can't bring their pets, sorry. And you need to stay firm so they stop asking every day.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, just suck it up if the dogs are small, and its just for the weekend. Since you have pets, I'm sure you understand...pets are family. Just gate off certain areas in the house to separate the cats from the guest dogs. Sure, your house will be pretty busy, but isn't that what makes the holidays what they are?

[Anonymous]

X wants Y. Your house, you can say "no"

Rinse & repeat. It's not that hard, people!

[Anonymous]

OP - Wow, I'm surprised that only one person here 13:34 agrees with me. My major issue is (and maybe I didn't highlight this enough) that their dogs are CONSTANTLY having accidents on their carpeting. I mean, multiple times a day. I really don't want that in my house. I think I'd put up with the crowding and the possible cat issue if it weren't for that, but that one thing really puts me over the edge. You guys are saying you would just deal with that? Because my brother and SIL are in denial that their dogs are constantly having "accidents", I doubt they will have their dogs wear diapers, but good suggestion, PP. I'm not backing down on this, but I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable. I guess the answer is yes! Oh well.

[Anonymous]

There is no way I would allow dogs to pee all over my house when I had 10 play people there for a holiday.
In the future I wouldn't bring my dogs to their house either, just so it's not an issue either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, just suck it up if the dogs are small, and its just for the weekend. Since you have pets, I'm sure you understand...pets are family. Just gate off certain areas in the house to separate the cats from the guest dogs. Sure, your house will be pretty busy, but isn't that what makes the holidays what they are?

OP here. Actually, I don't get this mentality at all. If my brother said not to bring the dog, we wouldn't. And my feelings wouldn't be hurt at all! Honestly. We only bring her because we stop there for a night or two visit on the way to my in-laws - and since they are so far away, we have to make it worth everyone's while and stay for at least a week. I could and would find a sitter for my dog for a week if my in-laws didn't want her there.

When my brother comes, it's only for 1-2 nights. I don't understand people who can't be away from their pets for 1-2 nights.

[Anonymous]

I think it's tough to say no since they let you take your dogs to their house. But, will they even come if you say no? Is it better for them to come with their dogs or to not come at all?

[Anonymous]

I have two dogs myself but I would never drag my dogs to someone else's house if they didn't want them there.
But, OP, I think what is confusing is that you gave a list of reasons why outside dogs were unacceptable and then you said that they always welcome your dog. I was completely on your side till you said that.

So I think what you should do is focus on the "accidents" multiple times a day. The issue is not outside dogs but those dogs. I would not want to have to deal with that either and I don't think you should have to.

Another option is to board your dog when you go visit them. That would make it seem fairer on the whole if you continue to focus on dogs as the issue instead of those dogs.