My mom is a hoarder, but amazingly organized-a rant

[Anonymous]

I want to say that I love my mom, she is a good mom and grandma and is very sweet. But she is a bit of a hoarder. I had a baby three weeks ago and now every time she comes over she brings something that she has saved from when I was a baby. She cannot come over empty handed. I could go on, but I don't want to be rude. Also, I know there is probably something I could say to stop it, but she is being nice and I don't want to cause a thing. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

If she is truly a hoarder, you probably can't stop it.

You can make a good faith effort, one conversation, and then do what you like with the things she brings. Or say, "Mom, I won't keep that if you leave it here, why don't you leave it at your house?"

[Anonymous]

You haven't told us how she is well-organized. And frankly, you haven't told us how she is a hoarder, either. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Better a hoarder than a hoar.

Of course maybe she's that too.

[Anonymous]

I always blame the space issue in this area or the kids:

"Oh mom, we don't have much space to store things beyond the essentials."

"I'm so oberwhelmed with stuff and trying to get organized. You are so good at organizing--can you hang onto this so baby sees it when we visit?"

"The kids will just tear that apart. It's safer with you."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better a hoarder than a hoar.

Of course maybe she's that too.

[Anonymous]

"You don't want to be rude?"

Dear, this is how this site works. People spill the beans. You haven't told us anything.

A hoarder is a person who has stacks of stuff dangerously stuffed around the house, or in specific rooms of the house. Sometimes it gets so bad you can't walk around anymore and the hoarder is crushed to death under his giant pile of newspapers, etc.

So is this your mother?

And how is she organized about it?

[Anonymous]

She needs you to justify the years she spent keeping and organizing all that crap. I'd keep it for a little while and then either give it away or give it back, saying DC has grown out of it, and you no longer need it and she can do what she wants.

[Anonymous]

It would be hard to believe she is a true hoarder if the stuff from your childhood was accessible enough and in good enough condition to give to you.

The way you stop it is to say, "Mom, I think it's sweet that you saved those things but I honestly don't have room for them and they don't mean as much to me as they do to you. Would you prefer to keep them at your house for when we visit? If not, I'll need to donate/recycle/____ them."

[Anonymous]

I don;t think you are under any obligation to keep it...she shares a memory..you hear a bit about your childhood and then trash it if you like.

[Anonymous]

You sound so ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"You don't want to be rude?"

Dear, this is how this site works. People spill the beans. You haven't told us anything.

A hoarder is a person who has stacks of stuff dangerously stuffed around the house, or in specific rooms of the house. Sometimes it gets so bad you can't walk around anymore and the hoarder is crushed to death under his giant pile of newspapers, etc.

So is this your mother?

And how is she organized about it?

No, that's the hoarding they show on TV.

OP, my mother is a hoarder. I grew up under those conditions. Saving stuff from your childhood doesn't make her a hoarder. Not being able to come empty handed doesn't make her one either.

So if your mom isn't a hoarder STFU. Enough with the hyperbole.

[Anonymous]

OP, my mom is exactly like yours. She is both a hoarder* and someone who wants me to have all the old baby stuff she saved from my childhood. I let her keep baby stuff at my house for a few months and maybe take pictures of DD in/with it, but then I give it back to her and say DD can't use it or outgrew it or whatever. This works particularly well with handmade baby clothes because I just say, honestly, that I don't want DD to ruin them.

*I agree with PP that keeping a lot of baby stuff does not by itself make someone a hoarder. But an inability to let go of possessions, and an inappropriate idea of their value, is characteristic. My parents didn't hoard newspapers they hoarded furniture. At one point in my teens I counted 46 dining chairs in our two-bedroom house, most in various states of disrepair and awaiting refurbishing that would never happen. They could't bear to donate them because they were so "valuable." My mom brings that dysfunction to me when she tries to fill my house with things she can't let go of: giving stuff to me is a way to get it out of her house, and assign value to it, without actually letting it out of her life.

[Anonymous]

I assume she has been saving these things all these years for the single reason that she hoped to share them with a grandchild. It is sentimental but it is allowing her to relive your own baby years that she probably looks back on fondly. I assume she has been looking forward to grandchildren for years and suddenly she has one. Just say thank you and put the stuff in a box or closet or attic. Some of it may be useful someday and some may not. Look, my mother loves to knit me sweaters. I don't need that many sweaters, but I say thank you and I wear them now and then and it makes her very happy to make them for me.

[Anonymous]

Oh my God people! You are so rude!!!