School right for kid but not for you?

[Anonymous]

What do you do if the school your DC attends is right for them but not you? By this I mean nobody seems particularly interested in your input, you are thanked profusely for volunteering in one smaller role, but get rejected if you try to volunteer for bigger roles? In addition, as a good DC liberal, some issues seem to smack you in the face (like why is there no outreach to non-traditional families), but then it occurs to you maybe they don't really want any? Especially when any questions you ask about it are dealt with by the parents who are in leadership positions like it's a hot potato?

I work, so I do not have political aspirations about becoming a board member or some star on the private school scene. I thought, though, the school wanted parent involvement. Is the right answer though just to send in my tuition and annual fund checks, keep hanging out with the small group of friends I like, and view this as simply a service relationship (i.e., they are providing me a service)? I like auctions too much to give those up, so I of course would still bid, too.

My DC is very happy there; so happy that we are considering it for DC#2.

[Anonymous]

Who makes the decisions re: volunteering for bigger roles? Other parents, or admin?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the right answer though just to send in my tuition and annual fund checks, keep hanging out with the small group of friends I like, and view this as simply a service relationship (i.e., they are providing me a service)?

Yes! The school is not about you/us; it's about the kids.

[Anonymous]

Clarification: if the school does not share your values, then it may not be right for your kids after all. (But let the volunteering thing go.)

[Anonymous]

The problems sound centered around volunteering, so I would not sweat it. You would know if the situation were untenable!

[Anonymous]

I think the OP's concerns go beyond volunteering, for instance, if OP feels that the school is not reaching out to nontraditional families, that suggests a difference in values. I'm struggling with this very thing myself. My child likes the new school. I'm not wild about a number of things. I don't want to get into specifics, for fear of anyone identifying the school, etc., but OP, please know that you are not the only one who struggles with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP's concerns go beyond volunteering, for instance, if OP feels that the school is not reaching out to nontraditional families, that suggests a difference in values. I'm struggling with this very thing myself. My child likes the new school. I'm not wild about a number of things. I don't want to get into specifics, for fear of anyone identifying the school, etc., but OP, please know that you are not the only one who struggles with this.

I'm struggling with my school's lack of not reaching out to non-traditional families also. My child's experience at the school is okay. Likes it fine enough, is a motivated student and has many friends. I'm really concerned that the longer that I keep my child at this school the residue of the culture's values will rearrange/destroy the values that I've instilled in my child.

OP, thank you for this post. I clearly have a decision to make. PPs, I appreciate your sharing, had felt rather alone on this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP's concerns go beyond volunteering, for instance, if OP feels that the school is not reaching out to nontraditional families, that suggests a difference in values. I'm struggling with this very thing myself. My child likes the new school. I'm not wild about a number of things. I don't want to get into specifics, for fear of anyone identifying the school, etc., but OP, please know that you are not the only one who struggles with this.

I'm struggling with my school's lack of not reaching out to non-traditional families also. My child's experience at the school is okay. Likes it fine enough, is a motivated student and has many friends. I'm really concerned that the longer that I keep my child at this school the residue of the culture's values will rearrange/destroy the values that I've instilled in my child.

OP, thank you for this post. I clearly have a decision to make. PPs, I appreciate your sharing, had felt rather alone on this.

Just want to share to those PPs who feel this way - it may be worth looking around. We are at a wonderful school that works for my child and daily reinforces all the values that my family holds dear and I can tell you it is a wonderful feeling to belong to such a community. And the best part is that I really feel it is a school where people try to "lean into discomfort" (a giveaway) so while it is not universally true, I have always found people who are willing to hear different perspectives and are open to being challenged to think about alternative points of view. So there are schools where your kids AND your family can thrive - and while ours isn't perfect, it sure feels like home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the OP's concerns go beyond volunteering, for instance, if OP feels that the school is not reaching out to nontraditional families, that suggests a difference in values. I'm struggling with this very thing myself. My child likes the new school. I'm not wild about a number of things. I don't want to get into specifics, for fear of anyone identifying the school, etc., but OP, please know that you are not the only one who struggles with this.

I'm struggling with my school's lack of not reaching out to non-traditional families also. My child's experience at the school is okay. Likes it fine enough, is a motivated student and has many friends. I'm really concerned that the longer that I keep my child at this school the residue of the culture's values will rearrange/destroy the values that I've instilled in my child.

OP, thank you for this post. I clearly have a decision to make. PPs, I appreciate your sharing, had felt rather alone on this.

Just want to share to those PPs who feel this way - it may be worth looking around. We are at a wonderful school that works for my child and daily reinforces all the values that my family holds dear and I can tell you it is a wonderful feeling to belong to such a community. And the best part is that I really feel it is a school where people try to "lean into discomfort" (a giveaway) so while it is not universally true, I have always found people who are willing to hear different perspectives and are open to being challenged to think about alternative points of view. So there are schools where your kids AND your family can thrive - and while ours isn't perfect, it sure feels like home.

Please elucidate! Which school? I want my child to go there.

[Anonymous]

I could be wrong, but unless the school is extraordinarily close-minded, it will not undo the values of your family. I am not saying you should stay, but I would never look to a school to back everything up in my family...too complicated and too much to ask of regular people who work in schools!

[Anonymous]

16:54 was spot on in describing my kids' school. But I don't know if she's describing the same school! I've never heard the phrase "lean into discomfort." So either 16:54 and I have kids at the same school and she knows the jargon and I don't, or there is more than one wonderful community out there that reinforces values and encourages you and your kids to really work on diversity. I'm not sharing the name of my kids' school because it's a frequently flamed place, I'm not feeling fireproof, and I don't know if that's what 16:54 was talking about. But I'm curious! Good luck to you in finding a more welcoming school.

[Anonymous]

16:54 here - Lowell.

[Anonymous]

12:02 and not Lowell. Funny! And encouraging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the right answer though just to send in my tuition and annual fund checks, keep hanging out with the small group of friends I like, and view this as simply a service relationship (i.e., they are providing me a service)?

Yes! The school is not about you/us; it's about the kids.

I kind of disagree with this response. The reality of sending your kids to a top independent school is that the school often really becomes an important center of "community" for your family. You'll be spending a lot of time with other kids and their parents at playdates, birthday parties (2-3 a month in our experience), sports team events, sleepovers, fundraisers, mom and dad clubs, etc, etc. I disagree with posters who say that the decision to join a school in ONLY about your child... I very much agree that it should be PRIMARILY about your child... but it's naive to think it does not affect the rest of your family too.

So - for instance - if there are 2-3 schools that are good fit for your child, but one of those is not a good fit for your family, I'd take that one your list.

[Anonymous]

"lean into discomfort" Burgundy