School right for kid but not for you?

[Anonymous]

Here's an article on that book--

http://www.projo.com/books/content/BOOK-DISCIPLE_03-29-09_LSDO89V_v14.f30ada.html

[Anonymous]

You people are looking for too much in a school. Maybe it's because my kids are older, but I'm damn sure not looking to be welcomed by a community, for heaven's sake! I have plenty of friends. Don't need any from school. I went to an excellent private school and can count on one or two hands the number of times my parents came to the school. And that's how everyone liked it. This current notion of the school being a community for the whole family is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are looking for too much in a school. Maybe it's because my kids are older, but I'm damn sure not looking to be welcomed by a community, for heaven's sake! I have plenty of friends. Don't need any from school. I went to an excellent private school and can count on one or two hands the number of times my parents came to the school. And that's how everyone liked it. This current notion of the school being a community for the whole family is ridiculous.

My impression is the schools themselves are pushing the "community" thing. That's so they can get you to donate and volunteer, maybe not entirely so but certainly partly so. I wouldn't worry if you don't feel the "community" thing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Here's my take on sending my child to a very liberal, progressive school when she comes from a much more moderate household: she is too young to think much for herself and embraces the liberal/progressive views of her peers ... as she matures she will either come to support these views on the basis of her own thinking, which would be a much better reason than peer pressure OR she will rebel and decide she is much more moderate ... (heh heh)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classic example is Sidwell. We were very enthusiastic and proud to send our child there. Proud because we knew it would be a great learning environment, and excited for ourselves to meet interesting, progressive people whom we thought would be welcoming and friendly. Our child has been happy, which has been the most important thing. But we were surprised at how boring and/or arrogant many parents are. Of course there are some parents with whom we have connected, but there is a distant vibe from many others. We had an idealized vision of what the community would be like and were disappointed. But even now with some distance, I can say that there is not a feeling of genuine community among most parents there. Still, my child loves it, which is all that matters. But it's funny that there's almost this cult-like enthusiasm for the school and then when you meet the parents there's something missing. My sense from other schools is that there is more of a community at the basic level.

I agree!

Yup, that's been our experience too. We have one child at SFS and one at another independent, where there's a much more friendly parent body. Sidwell's not monolithic, but there is a predominantly unwelcoming vibe where you have to show your academic and professional bona fides to people before they'll talk to you. And, sometimes, even when you trot out your quite respectable bona fides, that's still not good enough for these folks. Ah well -- their loss. The main thing for us is that both of our kids are thriving at their schools.

[Anonymous]

OP here -- this is all VERY enlightening for me since my query about our struggles being at a more conservative school.

Our current school definitely wants families to be a part of "their community" and while "the community" is made up of some very nice people, we would not socialize with most of them under normal circumstances -- of course there is the exception, but is what it is -- the exception.

We have our own set of friends but the frequency of parent socials and school activities at the school can be a bit of drag instead of something to look forward to.

All that moaning and groaning aside, our child is happy and thriving, which is what is really important to us -- though I may peek occasionally at "the greener pastures" around town.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. I really should have proofed my post prior to submitting it. So sorry for all the grammatical mistakes! Yikes!

[Anonymous]

As a parent of older (MS) kids, live and learn...you want more connection with your kids' school "families" when they are very young. When they are taller than you, or around 7th or 8th grade, it's probably okay to hang back. I've been very pleased by, for the first time ever, paying $30K for what's turned out to be...not just the child's excellent education but MY MENTAL HEALTH! I intend to move younger sibling into this realm from public to private ASAP. Who CARES about the parents if the kids are excelling, and the asks are minimal? Now, in much younger grades I lived in my kids' pre-k and k classrooms, so we should all clarify grades.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, our PreK-12 school consistently says that MS and HS are when you really need/want to know/trust/be able to talk candidly with the families of the kids your kid is hanging out with. Stakes do seem higher then (even if you personally spend less time with other parents).

[Anonymous]

True, but that's different from being good friends with the other parents. At DS's high school, there are multiple opportunities to talk with/get to know/compare notes with other parents: formal discussion groups, informal coffees, evening meetings on specific topics, sessions with the principal and counselor. As an individual, I have also become friendly with many other parents - pulled in to the community, as it were - but even if that were not true I have many chances to find out what is going on with the peer group.

[Anonymous]

i'm with the folks who think its absurd to worry about making your own friends instead of focusing entirely on your kids' experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, is this for real?

You would really consider moving your child to a new school so that you would have a hypothetical chance to socialize more?

The school is for your child, not for you. You must have friends already. Instead of putting the burden on your child to make new friends and get used to a new school, how about you work harder to make friends at the school or find your own social life on your own time?