School right for kid but not for you?

[Anonymous]

or GDS

[Anonymous]

Why is "lean into discomfort" a giveaway? It's become a cliche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the right answer though just to send in my tuition and annual fund checks, keep hanging out with the small group of friends I like, and view this as simply a service relationship (i.e., they are providing me a service)?

Yes! The school is not about you/us; it's about the kids.

I kind of disagree with this response. The reality of sending your kids to a top independent school is that the school often really becomes an important center of "community" for your family. You'll be spending a lot of time with other kids and their parents at playdates, birthday parties (2-3 a month in our experience), sports team events, sleepovers, fundraisers, mom and dad clubs, etc, etc. I disagree with posters who say that the decision to join a school in ONLY about your child... I very much agree that it should be PRIMARILY about your child... but it's naive to think it does not affect the rest of your family too.

So - for instance - if there are 2-3 schools that are good fit for your child, but one of those is not a good fit for your family, I'd take that one your list.

I'm starting this thread up again.

So, what if you're going to a school that really isn't your cup of tea but is a good service to your child, is a top school, and also just happens to be the only school that accepted your child? In my fantasy world I would apply to the schools that fit into our family's lifestyle more but I'm concerned about upsetting the applecart both with our child and our current school. I especially dread the thought if our child weren't accepted -- again-- to any of our picks. Ughh

Thoughts or insights?

[Anonymous]

We were in this position and decided to leave well enough alone. The clincher was the fact that our child absolutely loves the school. So I've made my peace with it. Both my husband and I have become quite involved with the school and have made or found our own community within it. We might well have been happier elsewhere, but that has become a very secondary concern.

[Anonymous]

To me, the only relevant issue is whether my child is learning, thriving, enjoying himself/herself, etc. Unless the school is hostile to your child or you, I would forget it. While all privates no doubt have overly involved parents, all also have parents who are not such. What I try to avoid is allowing my own insecurities about the parent social scene to interfere with what is best for my child. Finally, while no doubt there are differences in degree, most privates in DC are fairly open and diverse. What some might view as the most open and diverse schools are arguably not in that they are almost uniformly overly liberal and progressive. And I am a solid Democrat, though more middle of the road. The issues facing this country will never be resolved if we can't get the Takoma Park crowd talking to the small town Christinan

[Anonymous]

Hmmm. We have the opposite problem. School and community that share the values we hope to instill in our children, but the academic approach may not be the best for our kids. It's a tough call.

[Anonymous]

Classic example is Sidwell. We were very enthusiastic and proud to send our child there. Proud because we knew it would be a great learning environment, and excited for ourselves to meet interesting, progressive people whom we thought would be welcoming and friendly. Our child has been happy, which has been the most important thing. But we were surprised at how boring and/or arrogant many parents are. Of course there are some parents with whom we have connected, but there is a distant vibe from many others. We had an idealized vision of what the community would be like and were disappointed. But even now with some distance, I can say that there is not a feeling of genuine community among most parents there. Still, my child loves it, which is all that matters. But it's funny that there's almost this cult-like enthusiasm for the school and then when you meet the parents there's something missing. My sense from other schools is that there is more of a community at the basic level.

[Anonymous]

Hmm. Not reflective at all of my experience there. Interesting how different people can interpret a situation so differently.

[Anonymous]

Listen, they don't want your "input." Just cough up some cash and stay away from the administration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Classic example is Sidwell. We were very enthusiastic and proud to send our child there. Proud because we knew it would be a great learning environment, and excited for ourselves to meet interesting, progressive people whom we thought would be welcoming and friendly. Our child has been happy, which has been the most important thing. But we were surprised at how boring and/or arrogant many parents are. Of course there are some parents with whom we have connected, but there is a distant vibe from many others. We had an idealized vision of what the community would be like and were disappointed. But even now with some distance, I can say that there is not a feeling of genuine community among most parents there. Still, my child loves it, which is all that matters. But it's funny that there's almost this cult-like enthusiasm for the school and then when you meet the parents there's something missing. My sense from other schools is that there is more of a community at the basic level.

I agree!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me, the only relevant issue is whether my child is learning, thriving, enjoying himself/herself, etc. Unless the school is hostile to your child or you, I would forget it. While all privates no doubt have overly involved parents, all also have parents who are not such. What I try to avoid is allowing my own insecurities about the parent social scene to interfere with what is best for my child. Finally, while no doubt there are differences in degree, most privates in DC are fairly open and diverse. What some might view as the most open and diverse schools are arguably not in that they are almost uniformly overly liberal and progressive. And I am a solid Democrat, though more middle of the road. The issues facing this country will never be resolved if we can't get the Takoma Park crowd talking to the small town Christinan

Oh my goodness. This is so true. Thanks for pointing it out, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, the only relevant issue is whether my child is learning, thriving, enjoying himself/herself, etc. Unless the school is hostile to your child or you, I would forget it. While all privates no doubt have overly involved parents, all also have parents who are not such. What I try to avoid is allowing my own insecurities about the parent social scene to interfere with what is best for my child. Finally, while no doubt there are differences in degree, most privates in DC are fairly open and diverse. What some might view as the most open and diverse schools are arguably not in that they are almost uniformly overly liberal and progressive. And I am a solid Democrat, though more middle of the road. The issues facing this country will never be resolved if we can't get the Takoma Park crowd talking to the small town Christinan

Oh my goodness. This is so true. Thanks for pointing it out, PP.

This is OT, but I think the problem isn't that these crowds won't talk to each other, but that there are politicians/talk show hosts etc. who see it in their interest to try and make people feel threatened by others.

[Anonymous]

14:26

While this may be true of LS, by the time they hit MS or HS, you are spending much less time with parents. Birthday parties happen much less, most of the time it is going to dinner and movie. No parents invited. Get togethers with other kids do not happen during the week. Too much homework or sports commitments. Sports happen at school. The ability to also do an outside team with school friends is harder also because of hw.

There is the fundraisers but you don't have to go. Just buy the tickets and don't go. Other volunteer opportunities are also much less. No holiday parties etc.

It is much harder to meet parents starting at an independant in MS or HS. There is just not the same level of involvement in your kids lives. You don't arrange playdates, they make their own plans and you drive. They may be friends with someone whose parent you are not hat friendly with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, the only relevant issue is whether my child is learning, thriving, enjoying himself/herself, etc. Unless the school is hostile to your child or you, I would forget it. While all privates no doubt have overly involved parents, all also have parents who are not such. What I try to avoid is allowing my own insecurities about the parent social scene to interfere with what is best for my child. Finally, while no doubt there are differences in degree, most privates in DC are fairly open and diverse. What some might view as the most open and diverse schools are arguably not in that they are almost uniformly overly liberal and progressive. And I am a solid Democrat, though more middle of the road. The issues facing this country will never be resolved if we can't get the Takoma Park crowd talking to the small town Christinan

Oh my goodness. This is so true. Thanks for pointing it out, PP.

This is OT, but I think the problem isn't that these crowds won't talk to each other, but that there are politicians/talk show hosts etc. who see it in their interest to try and make people feel threatened by others.

I agree in part with the above quote. Certainly the idiots on cable and on the Hill are not helping the civil discussion in this country. But I also suggest that someone who lives almost entirely among his parents' crowd is highly unlikely to be able to relate to someone who grew up in a very different environment. How do you think a Sidwell student would do socially at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University?? It would be amusing to watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me, the only relevant issue is whether my child is learning, thriving, enjoying himself/herself, etc. Unless the school is hostile to your child or you, I would forget it. While all privates no doubt have overly involved parents, all also have parents who are not such. What I try to avoid is allowing my own insecurities about the parent social scene to interfere with what is best for my child. Finally, while no doubt there are differences in degree, most privates in DC are fairly open and diverse. What some might view as the most open and diverse schools are arguably not in that they are almost uniformly overly liberal and progressive. And I am a solid Democrat, though more middle of the road. The issues facing this country will never be resolved if we can't get the Takoma Park crowd talking to the small town Christinan

Oh my goodness. This is so true. Thanks for pointing it out, PP.

This is OT, but I think the problem isn't that these crowds won't talk to each other, but that there are politicians/talk show hosts etc. who see it in their interest to try and make people feel threatened by others.

I agree in part with the above quote. Certainly the idiots on cable and on the Hill are not helping the civil discussion in this country. But I also suggest that someone who lives almost entirely among his parents' crowd is highly unlikely to be able to relate to someone who grew up in a very different environment. How do you think a Sidwell student would do socially at Jerry Falwell's Liberty University?? It would be amusing to watch.

I think someone wrote a book about this recently? In my experience, after some adjustment most people do very well. Gay marriage is now legal in Iowa and I know Iowans who were against it, but having actually experienced the change now support it.