How do you deal with the disappointment month after month?

[Anonymous]

How do you cope with the disappointment every month? I just got AF after month 8 of TTC and am really upset. I hate feeling like a failure month after month. While I know we haven't even been at it that long compared to so many other couples, I am still struggling.

On top of this, I had finally brought myself to confide in my mom, sister, and good friend about our TTC struggles. I am a private person and it took a lot for me to share this with each of them, but since then, there has been zero follow up on their part to check in on me or ask how doing (over 6 weeks ago). I feel so alone and like I have no one to talk to...

[Anonymous]

Every time I got my period I got a mani/pedi and went shopping. Expensive but to be honest I did feel better even if only for a day.

If you haven't tried it already then get some Preseed. Worked the first month we used it (6th month trying after multiple mc's so I get your frustration).

[Anonymous]

Drink, shop, nails done, go on a trip.

[Anonymous]

Not coping so well here. I sort of feel like I'm ready to explode. People used to be nice about asking when we wanted children. Now they just tell us we're selfish for waiting so long or tell us that not everything has to be perfect to bring a baby into the world. Just lots of crying an frustration. I randomly burst into tears when a pregnant friend said that she didn't like her due date of January 2, but what could they do? It was the first time they'd ever tried to get pregnant and it happened randomly.

I haven't told anyone and it's hard that way. I don't want to feel like a broken person though or hear sympathy if I told people.

[Anonymous]

PP here. Speaking of having no one to talk to- have your joined the current TTC thread? It has made me feel better.
-E

[Anonymous]

My sisters both took a while to get pregnant when they started trying so I check in with them when I need a sounding board. I find it reassuring that they eventually had success. When that doesn't work, I take my husband out for a nice dinner with lots of wine and a movie as a treat.

[Anonymous]

I had trouble ttc with my second. #1 was a rough first trimester, so I cheered myself up by reminding myself I had another month of not being pregnant to enjoy.

[Anonymous]

They might not want to be pestering you with questions--you need to take the lead.

By eight months, I drank very nice alcohol every time my period showed up.

And (depending on age, I was 34), I also made an apt with my OB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They might not want to be pestering you with questions--you need to take the lead.

By eight months, I drank very nice alcohol every time my period showed up.

And (depending on age, I was 34), I also made an apt with my OB.

+1. That would be my hunch - fam trying to give you space and assuming you will share info when you want to.

I have a lot of difficulty dealing with disappointments. It's kinda eating me from inside daily. Nordstrom has been a major beneficiary of this. Given that we might be heading for IVF I am afraid I have to start cutting down on retail therapy

[Anonymous]

Over 4 years here. For me, after awhile, you just get numb to it. You hold your breath, POAS and when there is nothing, you start breathing again and shrug your shoulders. It's hard going through the Hope Cycle. I felt better when I was 'doing' something. So changing my diet, acupuncture, TCM, pre-seed, mayan massage and seeing an RE, all helped me feel less helpless.

GL!

[Anonymous]

PP, so you still haven't had success? Have you seen an RE?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry, it can be really hard. Most people won't follow up for a few months, since that's how long it takes to get a few more tries in. As you know, TTC involves LOTS of waiting. There's not much people can do in the mean time except say they are sorry it's been hard. That can really be helpful, but I wouldn't expect too much from people who haven't gone through it. It's a tricky thing to understand from the outside.

Try to plan something fun for yourself around the time you get your period. After awhile of TTC, I was really limiting my drinking, but if I was on my period, all bets were off. I'd usually round up friends for a last-minute happy hour, or go out to a nice long boozy dinner. All things that are impossible to do with a baby at home. It always helped me see how full my life was, even though I didn't have a baby.

It took me 2.5 years (and one miscarriage) to have my DD. I cried a lot of tears along the way. I remember so vividly that fear that I'd never get to have a baby. It was a really hard time. Don't discount your grief. Each month you need to mourn a little. You don't want to wallow or descend into bitterness, but be gentle and patient and kind with yourself. Feel the bad feelings, cry them out, and then dust yourself off and get ready to try again. It's the only way, honestly.

I hope it happens for you soon OP. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Took me 26 cycles of trying and BFN pregnancy tests. It is so hard. I just kept up hope that eventually it would happen. It so hard. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Have you been charting and timing, using ovulation predictors? If so, I would cope by going to the doctor. The one year timeline is way too long if you have been doing those things.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all, this is the OP. I have been doing acupuncture, Preseed, charting and all the other stuff they recommend. I finally went to my doc and am about to start with testing--transvaginal ultrasound and bloodwork--but I don't need it to know something is wrong. I strongly suspect endometriosis and luteal phase defect but we shall see....

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not on the TTC thread (I really prefer in person support to online, even through I truly appreciate it) but maybe I will join....