How long is too long to be married before kids ?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I married young (22) and we are thinking about having kids after ten years of marriage ( with schooling,debt, ect.) I worry that we will be too set in our ways by the time we become parents. Is ten years too long to wait? Is more time before kids always better?

[Anonymous]

Depends on your life and what else you want to do. You may not be able to have them when you want. Took us 8 years. Why plan so far ahead? Live your life. You'll know when the time feels right.

[Anonymous]

Strategic manning over five years is not productive. Two years is even better. Makes no sense to have a ten year an, too much changes.

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife married at 19 and waited 10 years. They both finished their degrees (JDs) DH and I waited 5.

Op, it's silly to plan your life based on what others do.

[Anonymous]

I'd say finish schooling, work on debt. Reevaluate in a few years. You might not want to wait a full 10 years, but if you do you should be ok.

It also took me three years to have my first baby. So like PP, it doesn't always happen immediately. Keep that in mind too. Much better biologically to start on the early side than too late. Finances can be worked either way.

[Anonymous]

why not just wait and see how you feel? no need to make a finite decision.

If I had been married at 22 I probably would have had kids around 28 or 29. waiting until 32 can be somewhat late if it takes longer than expected for you to get pregnant or if you want a 2-3 yr gap between kids. Also keep in mind fertility does decrease around 35. Sure someone will chime in saying they had no problem getting pregnant at 35 or even 40, but statistically speaking it decreases rapidly after 35, not to mention more genetic risks. I've seen quite a few friend who did not believe this, take their time having kids only to then deal with secondary infertility.

[Anonymous]

There is never a right time. If after 10 years, you now feel remotely ready, give it a go. I don't think how long one is married is what makes someone too selfish and set in their ways.

We got pregnant around our second anniversary. Nothing could have prepared us for what was to come. We felt mostly ready though, and got pregnant quickly.

Our second didn't come along until 8.5 years later.

Life doesn't happen as scheduled.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who did this. They lived overseas a couple of times before kids and were both well established in their careers before kids. It's worked well for them.

[Anonymous]

Have kids when you are ready to have kids. Plan to not have kids now if you are not ready. Re-evaluate every few years.

Don't make a firm date 10 years in advance. You might miss a golden window, or you both might start feeling the urge but not bring it up because it's only year 4, or you might get to year 10 and one of you is ready and the other is not and it comes as a huge surprise to the ready one because the discussion hadn't been evolving over the years.

Live your lives. Keep communication open as you go.

[Anonymous]

We waited 9 years. I got pregnant about 20 minutes after we placed an order with Amazon for 30 pregnancy tests.

I'm glad we waited. We paid off debt and got to travel the world a bit.

[Anonymous]

I would try to have your 1st by 30. Remember that dealing with fertility issues is very expensive if you encounter them.

[Anonymous]

OP, how long since you were married? (Hard to tell if you're newlyweds or not.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how long since you were married? (Hard to tell if you're newlyweds or not.)

+1, can't tell if the 10 years has come and gone already.

[Anonymous]

You're really missing the big picture, OP: you should have kids when you really want to. Otherwise you shouldn't have kids at all. Nobody can attach a number of years to that.

[Anonymous]

op here, we are three years into marriage. I'm making a career change at 25, which makes it really hard to have a kid in the next couple years. I should be done with schooling at 30, which would be the ideal time to have kids. I know this career change is a good one but I guess since I got married young, I thought we'd have kids around this time in our marriage (mid twenties). It's rare in my culture to wait so long to have kids when married so just wondering if there are disadvanges to waiting. I guess I'm worried that it'd be too many years with just the two of us and that a baby would put more stress on our marriage. The weird thing is most of my friends aren't even thinking of kids until 30 so I feel weird making a big deal out of waiting so "late".