How long is too long to be married before kids ?

[Anonymous]

We had been married 8 and a half years when DD was born. I was ready a few years earlier, but DH wasn't, and I am extremely glad that we waited.

[Anonymous]

I think that's great. DH and I met in college, got married 6 years later, and then had kids 7 years after we got married. Had time to buy a house, travel, have the "intense" first job, move into our second jobs which have been good for starting a family.

In fact, that's the advice I give (if I'm asked) about when to have kids-- do it when you are established at your job so you have flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Have you & DH discussed how many kids you eventually want to have, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strategic manning over five years is not productive. Two years is even better. Makes no sense to have a ten year an, too much changes.

[Anonymous]

Op here 2-3 kids. I'm thinking though that if we start at 30 id try to not have much of a space between kids.

[Anonymous]

We waited 12 years. Best decision we ever made. We are much more capable of raising children in our mid/late 30s. Older, wiser, more patient and more financially stable.

[Anonymous]

We've been married 6.5 with no kids and it has been amazing. I think it would have been a nightmare to have them really young. If we do have them, our foundation is really strong and we've practiced good techniques for coping under stress, communicating fairly, etc. Not to mention tons of $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I should be done with schooling at 30, which would be the ideal time to have kids.

So you'd be starting out with trying to get pregnant a year into your new job?

[Anonymous]

DH and I were married 8 years before having a child (10 years together in all) -- and it just happened to work out that way because DC was a surprise. The timing ended up working out really well. By that point, we were comfortable in our marriage and had already weathered some trying times (including the death of a parent). I think we were better able to handle a new baby and all of the life-changes that go along with that because of how long we've been together. That's not to say that you or anyone else would not be able to handle it if you were married for a shorter time. But I'm glad we had all those years to establish our careers, buy a home, travel, and build a really solid marriage.

There truly is no perfect time to start a family, IMO. If you are worried about being too set in your ways after being married for 10 years, chances are you'd be worried about some other issue if the timing was different.

[Anonymous]

I married at 22 and had my first just before my 6th anniversary at 28. My husband is 3 years older. It just felt to us like the right time.
I don't think you get set in your ways. I do think babies can put cracks in the strongest marriages. You just have to go with the flow.

[Anonymous]

We were married for 15 years before kids and I know of only one "disadvantage" - as my reproductive OB put it once: "if women were having kids in their twenties we all would be out of the job". Yes, there some people who get pregnant at 40 without any problem but age is HUGE factor for an average person.
If you can - freeze your eggs (or even embryos?) now.
All the other factors you are worried about were completely non issues. Seriously biology is the only worry here.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what kind of school you're anticipating, but graduate school is in some ways a really good time to have a baby. (Not that there's ever a great time, but certainly better relative to having just started a new job.)

[Anonymous]

Married 10 years before we became parents. I'm glad we waited, but there's small part of me that deeply misses that carefree lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

DH and I waited until we were ready, mid-30s. Don't rush into is and don't rely on anecdotal feedback from DCUM; when you're ready, you'll find plenty of peers in your age group for all sorts of reasons.

[Anonymous]

Have the kids as young as possible, it gets much harder the older you get.