Parents overly generous to point of embarrassment

[Anonymous]

My parents have always been extremely generous but I feel like it's starting to get awkward especially for my husband. We do fine financially but they always seem to want to give us big checks for all kinds of occasions. I know it's a situation to be grateful for but I think it is starting to cause some awkwardness and tension. The other day my husband asked me why they can't just send a simple gift or bottle of wine for things like birthdays and our anniversary. Honestly, I don't need them to remember every wedding anniversary with a fat check. I also feel like lots if these gifts have unseen strings attached as I have had "all we do for you" thrown into my face throughout my life if I don't do their bidding. On one hand this has always been how my family acts- any holiday or Christmas out come the gift envelopes and us kids would eye them eagerly. Now it feels weird, a bit tacky, and very uncomfortable for my husband, who would be happy with movie tickets or nothing but a card. Is there any way to nicely ask them to save their $ for themselves?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they don't like the specter of paying Uncle Sam a huge estate tax and would rather some of it go to you now.
I vote for a gracious "thank you very much" and set it aside for someone's college.

[Anonymous]

Digging the humble brag. But seriously, you could just politely tell them you don't want to take their hard earned money.

[Anonymous]

Or save it for a blow-out party for their anniversary. They sound like they enjoy over the top gifting. You can save their money and take them on a cruise or a safari.

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, I'm stressed because I can't afford any food until my food stamps reload on October 4th, so I want to say "TAKE THE MONEYYYYY!" and let them enjoy spending on people they love since this is what makes them happy.

On the other hand, they're trying to buy your compliance when they say "after all we do for you" so I would stop accepting the money and gently explain why.

[Anonymous]

Have you thought of buying them something with the check?
Sounds like a win win. When they say they spent all this money on you, you whip out your own list of the things you bought them.
I do this with my Grandma, on a much smaller scale and for a different reason (sweet sweet Grandma on a fixed income sticking $20 in a birthday card when I'm 40!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like the specter of paying Uncle Sam a huge estate tax and would rather some of it go to you now.
I vote for a gracious "thank you very much" and set it aside for someone's college.

This is why my parents do it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to get a lot of money with strings attached from my parents. I started turning down the money, but turns out they felt just as free to guilt-trip me as they ever had. So now I put up with all the same crap and don't get any money. Joke's on me I guess.

[Anonymous]

You should graciously accept their gifts. Some people like to know where their money is going when they're alive.

[Anonymous]

Can they adopt us? I'd take the money and put it in the kids college fund.

[Anonymous]

Take the money and put it in 529s for kids! That's what we do and it's Great!

[Anonymous]

They can also adopt me. My checking account is at $0.00 until October 1.

[Anonymous]

"all we do for you" thrown into my face throughout my life if I don't do their bidding.

They don't own you. Unless you can be bought?

Op, deposit the checks in a separate account earmarked "maybe we'll give it back"
Don't consider it your money if it comes with strings attached. You want to be able to calmly,
respectfully and without (too much) regret, no drama, and certainly no complications, write them
a check for and give it back. If you ever do - actually write them out a check (not just say you are
going to) If you ever have that scene unfold, the end result will be - they will have tremendous
respect for you. Finally. That could completely change the dynamic of the relationship. My guess is
you'll never have to do this, and eventually with their passing, you'll have a little nest egg to pass
along to the next generation - having learned not to have the same control issues attached.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should graciously accept their gifts. Some people like to know where their money is going when they're alive.

+1. I recently had a frank discussion with my parents, who were mad neither my sister nor I would accept a large gift (we do fine, I thought they must be scrimping in order to give us gifts, etc.) They said they would rather see us enjoy the money than bequeath it to us and "miss out" on feeling good about funding whatever project we spend it on. So, we are taking the gift and sending them a picture of the home improvement it will fund.

My parents don't intentionally try to guilt me but it happens. I agree with PP that it will happen whether you take the money or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like the specter of paying Uncle Sam a huge estate tax and would rather some of it go to you now.
I vote for a gracious "thank you very much" and set it aside for someone's college.

This is why my parents do it.

+1.

But since you don't need the money, it shouldn't make you beholden to them. If they throw "all we do for you" in your face, IGNORE IT. If they don't like the way you are acting they are free to STOP giving you money. And you would be fine with that, since you don't need it. They can only wield money as power if you let them.