Parents overly generous to point of embarrassment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like the specter of paying Uncle Sam a huge estate tax and would rather some of it go to you now.
I vote for a gracious "thank you very much" and set it aside for someone's college.

This is why my parents do it.

Same. They also contribute the max into kid's 529. Better than handing over 40% to Uncle Sam.

[Anonymous]

You understand that for tax purposes, a gift to you doesn't not have the same benefit to the gift-giver that giving to a charity does, right? There's no 40% tax savings or avoidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You understand that for tax purposes, a gift to you doesn't not have the same benefit to the gift-giver that giving to a charity does, right? There's no 40% tax savings or avoidance.

There is if the estate is over the estate tax exemption limit which is currently ~10.7 million for a married couple. Anything over this amount is taxed at 40%.

Unless Trump gets elected and gets rid of the estate tax altogether.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You understand that for tax purposes, a gift to you doesn't not have the same benefit to the gift-giver that giving to a charity does, right? There's no 40% tax savings or avoidance.

There is if the estate is over the estate tax exemption limit which is currently ~10.7 million for a married couple. Anything over this amount is taxed at 40%.

Unless Trump gets elected and gets rid of the estate tax altogether.

Or if they're in a low threshold state like NY. My dads estate was worth only $1.8 million, and we paid $85k in estate taxes to NY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Digging the humble brag. But seriously, you could just politely tell them you don't want to take their hard earned money.

You could give the .money to charity, OP, but I bet you spend it on yourself.

[Anonymous]

+ 1 on the giving to a charity. Or, you could take a trip with your parents to do a habitat for humanity project. May give them ideas of other things they could do with their money. I also like the idea of using their gift to give them gifts. If they're the type that like public recognition, you could make a contribution to NPR that is large enough the radio announcer says "made possible through a generous donation from the child/children of Joe and Sally in gratitude for their continued love and support." or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Wow! Lots of trust fund babies with top 1% problems on this board. Millions of people in the world are starving and suffering. Many people in this country can't pay their bills or feed their kids, or they have to work three crappy jobs to do so. Get some perspective, your parents giving you too much money is not a problem, it is a blessing. So count that blessing and quit complaining.

[Anonymous]

I like the idea of putting the money into a separate fund/investment for future expenses (college, retirement, etc). I think your parents are going to do the "After all we did for you" thing anyway. Send a nice Thank you note each time so they know you received and appreciate the gift. That is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the idea of putting the money into a separate fund/investment for future expenses (college, retirement, etc). I think your parents are going to do the "After all we did for you" thing anyway. Send a nice Thank you note each time so they know you received and appreciate the gift. That is all.

This. Also, it might be worth exploring why DH feels threatened by all this. My in-laws give away the maximum amount in gifts to avoid estate taxes as well. It was easy for me in the early years of marriage to think that they were also using money as a form of control but in reality they didn't think of money the same way that my family did. Once I learned just to accept the gifts, say "thank-you," and move on with my life as I wanted to live it, things were much better.

[Anonymous]

My parents give a large check to us every year for Christmas. By large I mean under 5k but more than 1k. Depends on the year. They constantly tell us that they would rather see us enjoy our inheritance as opposed to waiting until they are dead and cant see what we use it for. It makes them happiest when we use it for one nice thing. A vacation we would not have taken otherwise. A piece of furniture we really wanted to upgrade. Etc. Something tangible as opposed to just banking it for random bills. I often throw a bit into the college funds for the kids as well.

Every once in a while my mom makes a snide comment about the funds. I just ignore it. When push comes to shove, they would never and have never done anything that actual puts any strings on the money.

Its tough when one set of parents has this income and the other do not. DHs parents never give any financial contribution to us. I know it stings sometimes for DH.

But the thing is, your parents clearly have the money. Are not going without when they give it to you. And the genuinely want you to have it. Be grateful. And use it toward something that makes you happy. That's what your parents want for you.

If giving the money to charity makes you happy, do it. If putting it into retirement or college savings or paying off debt makes you feel better, great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Lots of trust fund babies with top 1% problems on this board. Millions of people in the world are starving and suffering. Many people in this country can't pay their bills or feed their kids, or they have to work three crappy jobs to do so. Get some perspective, your parents giving you too much money is not a problem, it is a blessing. So count that blessing and quit complaining.

Many people on this board came from families that had nothing-they were the ones starving and suffering- and took 100+ years of multiple jobs to finally get something. It's not a sin to finally do well, especially when your great grandparents were servants and dockworkers with 3+ jobs like mine who couldn't read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Lots of trust fund babies with top 1% problems on this board. Millions of people in the world are starving and suffering. Many people in this country can't pay their bills or feed their kids, or they have to work three crappy jobs to do so. Get some perspective, your parents giving you too much money is not a problem, it is a blessing. So count that blessing and quit complaining.

Many people on this board came from families that had nothing-they were the ones starving and suffering- and took 100+ years of multiple jobs to finally get something. It's not a sin to finally do well, especially when your great grandparents were servants and dockworkers with 3+ jobs like mine who couldn't read.

I am not saying it is a "sin" to do well. I am just saying to stop b*tching about having too much money because there are a lot of people out there who still have nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Lots of trust fund babies with top 1% problems on this board. Millions of people in the world are starving and suffering. Many people in this country can't pay their bills or feed their kids, or they have to work three crappy jobs to do so. Get some perspective, your parents giving you too much money is not a problem, it is a blessing. So count that blessing and quit complaining.

Many people on this board came from families that had nothing-they were the ones starving and suffering- and took 100+ years of multiple jobs to finally get something. It's not a sin to finally do well, especially when your great grandparents were servants and dockworkers with 3+ jobs like mine who couldn't read.

I am not saying it is a "sin" to do well. I am just saying to stop b*tching about having too much money because there are a lot of people out there who still have nothing.

It's not about the money but the expectations that come with it. Gets too Faustian for some people. Nothing is for free. The more money some relatives pile on with supposed goodwill, the heavier the chains get. In some families that's all the elders have left in terms of control over their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow! Lots of trust fund babies with top 1% problems on this board. Millions of people in the world are starving and suffering. Many people in this country can't pay their bills or feed their kids, or they have to work three crappy jobs to do so. Get some perspective, your parents giving you too much money is not a problem, it is a blessing. So count that blessing and quit complaining.

Many people on this board came from families that had nothing-they were the ones starving and suffering- and took 100+ years of multiple jobs to finally get something. It's not a sin to finally do well, especially when your great grandparents were servants and dockworkers with 3+ jobs like mine who couldn't read.

I am not saying it is a "sin" to do well. I am just saying to stop b*tching about having too much money because there are a lot of people out there who still have nothing.

It's not about the money but the expectations that come with it. Gets too Faustian for some people. Nothing is for free. The more money some relatives pile on with supposed goodwill, the heavier the chains get. In some families that's all the elders have left in terms of control over their children.

No one gives us any money and we still get all of the heavy chains, control, and expectations from our parents. If you have to deal with all of this, it is much better to get some money in return.