What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
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Anonymous
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It feels like for most people -- they go to high school, leave home for college, grad school, jobs in new cities, and life keeps getting better and better. For me it feels like high school was the best I had -- there's been no "true" joy after that. Maybe it's that I'm mid 30s and single and don't have much of a social life. Maybe it's that I didn't make partner at my consulting firm that I slogged at thru my 20s and early 30s, got pushed out, and had to pick up another job that's not nearly as high status or what I enjoy. How did I get to this place?? It's not like I was someone in high school who was super popular; nor was I the star of the show in high school to where I think those were my glory days -- i.e. not a state champ or homecoming queen or anything like that -- so I'm not sitting around talking about those days. It's just that back then -- I was taken care of (financially), I had a small group of friends from school that I saw every day, I did well without killing myself or anything and was the top of my class, and I had my family to go home to every night. Now . . . life is just such a let down . . . . What's wrong with me??
Every where I look people seem so much happier as adults, and I feel like I'm missing something . . . . |
Anonymous
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I think it's the friend thing. I stayed single until 38 and found it very difficult in my 30s to maintain friendships as my friends married off. They just kind of disappeared, mostly. Especially when they had kids. Now that I have a kid, I can understand why to a certain extent. It's hard. But I had no clue when single.
I was lucky to have one friend (also single) who was great at organizing stuff most weekends for larger groups. She'd invite 25 people or so, and usually 8-12 showed up. So that became my most intimate group of friends. If there is someone in your life like that, take them up on the social offers as much as possible. A change in jobs can also help. I've had places where I clicked perfectly and places I was an odd person out. And of course, there's always volunteer work that you feel motivated by. Or a great hobby. Look into how to expand your social contacts through those. I think if you can develop some better friendships, you will feel worlds better. Hang in there. What is today won't always be. You can change things. |
Anonymous
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OP, are you currently living in the same area where you went to high school? If so, get out. Try something new.
The other thing that I tell some people (and this is harsh), stop trying to make DC happen. DC isn't for a lot of people. If you aren't working in politics, move somewhere else. Find a new job. Join a club, group, whatever to make friends. Start dating. I know so many women who just languished here for years. Never making any progress in life, with careers or personal lives. Then, finally made the jump to start somewhere new and couldn't believe they wasted time here in DC. |
Anonymous
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Move some place warmer.
The winter depression period (for many women) is about to arrive in less than 2 months. |
Anonymous
You would be surprised how many of those supposed happier adults are also reminiscing about their high school years. Have you ever heard of life getting "flat" after college? It can and does happen to a lot of people. Do not let outside appearances deceive you. Many people your age are feeling the exact same way you are feeling regardless of how happy they may seem on the outside. |
Anonymous
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Also one more thing to consider.
The post 2000 modern technology world is not nearly as social as the pre 2000 less technologized world. Have you ever heard of the term unsocial media? |
Anonymous
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Remember OP, you never know what another person is dealing with behind closed doors.
Trust me, each and every person has their own cross(es) to bear in life and you are no different from any other person. Adapting to adulthood is no fun. I sure miss the care-free days of my innocent youth where I had zero responsibility. Appreciate what you have, your health, your family as well as the friends you do have. Blessings come in different shapes and sizes. Also, could you be dealing with clinical depression as well? Something to look into....There are some good meds that can assist you in having an entirely different perspective about your life. 
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Anonymous
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This is not meant to be harsh in anyway. But you kind of coasted your 20s and now you are regretting it. (yes slogging though the firm was hard but it was the same thing and you had expectations for the end of that road and they didn't pan out which is a combo of the current job climate and bad luck).not having any failures early sets one up for expectations of things wiring out easily and that's really hard to get over especially now when nothing is fuaranteed post college even with hard work. In full disclosure I did the same thing but was very lucky that I like my job and managed to stay there (not high profile by any means but I like what I do and I was and still am a little lucky.) but my HS and early college sucked as I was still shy and with bad skin and struggled with school for a bit so I don't have anything awesome to reminisce about.
I agree with the PPs. Try something new. New hobby, group, meetup etc. lots of people in their 30s not paired up and wanting to shake it up. Make and effort to invite people over or out to things even if it's just a hike. And don't underestimate the benefits of getting involved in something for others. A dog shelter or a Nursing home reading/visiting group. Others and the world respond when you put effort into it. I've volunteered with a group for 6 years and while I haven't gotten a ton of friends out of it it makes me feel like I've contributed every week and not wasted the energy I have right now. |
Anonymous
| Wiring- working out. |
Anonymous
I'm in my mid-30s and I struggle with this. It's easy to make and keep friends when you're hanging out with the same people over and over in a relatively relaxed setting. Looking back, we had all the time in the world in HS just to "hang out." It's hard to make friends in your 30s. DC is a very transitory area. Most of the friends I have made have moved on to other cities. |
Anonymous
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1) Don't compare yourself to other people.
2) There is someone out there who is envious of you. -You are educated. - You have a job. - You are not tied down with a family, so you can relocate volunteer start a hobbie take a class Quit your wining, and put your big girl pants on. You are the one who is in charge of your future. |
Anonymous
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OP, I hear you. I'm mid 30s married with a child and very, very happy. But it doesn;t compare to the halcyon carefree days of high school and college. All the time in the world to hang out with friends, the future stretching ahead full of possibility.
I think you were always an overachiever and did very well for yourself. Try and find a partner, some new friends, but just know that most people probably feel the same way as you. |
Anonymous
| You sound depressed, OP. Plain and simple. |
Anonymous
| Join a meet up group. It will give you something to do and you can make new friends. I think once you have a friend or two to hang out with, you will be a little happier. |
Anonymous
+1 At the very least, you get out of your comfort zone. To the person that said "DC isn't for a lot of people. If you aren't working in politics, move somewhere else." Gimme a break, and this is coming from someone that has lived here over 30 years. I got friends that go back to elementary school that are still in the DC area and doing quite well. The biggest employers are in the DC area, that is why people move here. |