What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??

[Anonymous]

Carson was HOT.

[Anonymous]

Don't act like you don't reminisce about your NSYNC days. You know you do.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.

I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .

And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??

Wll, you put too much of your identity into work with is an empty endeavor. I'm such an underachiver and couldn't be happier with my mediocre professionally life and my extremely happy social and family life.

Work has always been a means to live, not the other way sround. Stop chasing things that don't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

When I say I miss high school -- it's not that I miss (or even remember) the classes or the pep rallies or whatever. To me "high school" meant a consistent group of people to go from class to class with all day and then getting to come home at night to your nuclear family who was there for you. You have that to come home to now. I don't. I come home to an empty apartment and wonder if I really have to bother making dinner since it's just me and if my night will just consist of TV. You're just in a better spot in life so of course you don't miss the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you currently living in the same area where you went to high school? If so, get out. Try something new.

The other thing that I tell some people (and this is harsh), stop trying to make DC happen. DC isn't for a lot of people. If you aren't working in politics, move somewhere else. Find a new job. Join a club, group, whatever to make friends. Start dating.

I know so many women who just languished here for years. Never making any progress in life, with careers or personal lives. Then, finally made the jump to start somewhere new and couldn't believe they wasted time here in DC.

+1. I thought I was the only one who noticed this. Also, keep in mind a lot of people who seem outwardly happy, are actually miserable. People sometimes go to great lengths to appear happy when they are not.

[Anonymous]

Try something different.
Date a college freshman.
Date high school senior who is over 18.
Good times can still be had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

When I say I miss high school -- it's not that I miss (or even remember) the classes or the pep rallies or whatever. To me "high school" meant a consistent group of people to go from class to class with all day and then getting to come home at night to your nuclear family who was there for you. You have that to come home to now. I don't. I come home to an empty apartment and wonder if I really have to bother making dinner since it's just me and if my night will just consist of TV. You're just in a better spot in life so of course you don't miss the past.

Let this be a cautionary tale of the sometimes harsh realities of being a woman who puts off settling down in favor of a career that may or may not pan out. This works for men because they can alway marry a younger woman. For women we have a shorter window of opportunity. Men don't have an expiration date.

Yea, I know you all will be up in arms, but this is the way it sometimes ends up. For many people having a family, though difficult and often limiting, it also is wonderful to come home each day to a family who you love and loves you. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

[Anonymous]

Travel internationally

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

When I say I miss high school -- it's not that I miss (or even remember) the classes or the pep rallies or whatever. To me "high school" meant a consistent group of people to go from class to class with all day and then getting to come home at night to your nuclear family who was there for you. You have that to come home to now. I don't. I come home to an empty apartment and wonder if I really have to bother making dinner since it's just me and if my night will just consist of TV. You're just in a better spot in life so of course you don't miss the past.

Let this be a cautionary tale of the sometimes harsh realities of being a woman who puts off settling down in favor of a career that may or may not pan out. This works for men because they can alway marry a younger woman. For women we have a shorter window of opportunity. Men don't have an expiration date.

Yea, I know you all will be up in arms, but this is the way it sometimes ends up. For many people having a family, though difficult and often limiting, it also is wonderful to come home each day to a family who you love and loves you. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Helpful. Thanks. You go enjoy your family, and I'll go turn back the hands of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

When I say I miss high school -- it's not that I miss (or even remember) the classes or the pep rallies or whatever. To me "high school" meant a consistent group of people to go from class to class with all day and then getting to come home at night to your nuclear family who was there for you. You have that to come home to now. I don't. I come home to an empty apartment and wonder if I really have to bother making dinner since it's just me and if my night will just consist of TV. You're just in a better spot in life so of course you don't miss the past.

Let this be a cautionary tale of the sometimes harsh realities of being a woman who puts off settling down in favor of a career that may or may not pan out. This works for men because they can alway marry a younger woman. For women we have a shorter window of opportunity. Men don't have an expiration date.

Yea, I know you all will be up in arms, but this is the way it sometimes ends up. For many people having a family, though difficult and often limiting, it also is wonderful to come home each day to a family who you love and loves you. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Married poster, this is not helpful to OP.

Helpful. Thanks. You go enjoy your family, and I'll go turn back the hands of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who had career losses/job losses that caused unhappiness -- esp those who were workaholics/on a traditional path and somehow lost that -- did you all just take a job and accept it for what it was and use your time for other things be it dating, family, volunteering, whatever? Or are there folks who affirmatively found themselves another workaholic type of position -- whether it was good or bad -- so they could throw themselves into work and feel "normal" again?

16:17 here. The difference for me was that I had to let go of a career at that point because keeping at it would have been difficult for my family. So I have a family and that's something that OP does not. I took other jobs but none were workaholic type jobs (I was a workaholic when I was younger and I know what a crazy deadend that is so I learned to let go of my addiction to work.) However, I felt like a failure and it was a real struggle because my dh and friends were all in the field I had to leave. I struggled with feelings that were, well, not really suicidal, but thinking how things would just be easier if I weren't here. Things changed slowly but what really made the difference was getting involved in a sports team. I feel great everyday because I'm in shape and I have people I can hang with. I feel the same way about my volunteering. My fellow boardmembers are talented and committed people who care about the world. However, sometimes I am reminded of my former career and I still feel sad but I realize that I'm employed, in good shape, have a community, and a family -- and those are things that most people would be grateful for. So the answer is that it took a long, long time to find acceptance - but what made the difference was finding other things in my life that had meaning besides work.

I hope the OP finds some peace. This is a cliche but life is really a journey. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels like for most people -- they go to high school, leave home for college, grad school, jobs in new cities, and life keeps getting better and better. For me it feels like high school was the best I had -- there's been no "true" joy after that. Maybe it's that I'm mid 30s and single and don't have much of a social life. Maybe it's that I didn't make partner at my consulting firm that I slogged at thru my 20s and early 30s, got pushed out, and had to pick up another job that's not nearly as high status or what I enjoy. How did I get to this place?? It's not like I was someone in high school who was super popular; nor was I the star of the show in high school to where I think those were my glory days -- i.e. not a state champ or homecoming queen or anything like that -- so I'm not sitting around talking about those days. It's just that back then -- I was taken care of (financially), I had a small group of friends from school that I saw every day, I did well without killing myself or anything and was the top of my class, and I had my family to go home to every night. Now . . . life is just such a let down . . . . What's wrong with me??

Every where I look people seem so much happier as adults, and I feel like I'm missing something . . . .

consider this a blessing that this happened to you in your thirties. you have plenty of time to learn, readjust your attitude and start enjoying life for the gift it is.

reassess your friends. which friends would be there for you if you were completely poor and crazy.

start spending time with them, remake your life based on relationships and not wealth.

you will never look back again.

[Anonymous]

DC area has way too many workaholics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.

I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .

And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??

Wll, you put too much of your identity into work with is an empty endeavor. I'm such an underachiver and couldn't be happier with my mediocre professionally life and my extremely happy social and family life.

Work has always been a means to live, not the other way sround. Stop chasing things that don't matter.

This is what I see too.

I guess I never gave enough fucks to throw my life into my work. On Sundays I've always looked forward to Fridays. I've never thought it OK or good to stay at the office past 5. No way. I start staring at the clock at 230 wondering when I can haul ass out of work so I can live my real life.

I don't need or want a trophy for clocking long hours. I'm there for a paycheck so I can do the things in life I want.

Mediocrity never felt so good.

Work is hollow. It's a means to an end.