What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.

I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .

And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??

Wll, you put too much of your identity into work with is an empty endeavor. I'm such an underachiver and couldn't be happier with my mediocre professionally life and my extremely happy social and family life.

Work has always been a means to live, not the other way sround. Stop chasing things that don't matter.

This is what I see too.

I guess I never gave enough fucks to throw my life into my work. On Sundays I've always looked forward to Fridays. I've never thought it OK or good to stay at the office past 5. No way. I start staring at the clock at 230 wondering when I can haul ass out of work so I can live my real life.

I don't need or want a trophy for clocking long hours. I'm there for a paycheck so I can do the things in life I want.

Mediocrity never felt so good.

Work is hollow. It's a means to an end.

Maybe to you (and to most) - but how about people (possibly like OP) who love their work, throw in their all -- whether for the sense of accomplishment or bc they like competition or money or whatever; and then it doesn't work out. How do you move past that? How do you suddenly develop other interests?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.

I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .

And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??

Wll, you put too much of your identity into work with is an empty endeavor. I'm such an underachiver and couldn't be happier with my mediocre professionally life and my extremely happy social and family life.

Work has always been a means to live, not the other way sround. Stop chasing things that don't matter.

This is what I see too.

I guess I never gave enough fucks to throw my life into my work. On Sundays I've always looked forward to Fridays. I've never thought it OK or good to stay at the office past 5. No way. I start staring at the clock at 230 wondering when I can haul ass out of work so I can live my real life.

I don't need or want a trophy for clocking long hours. I'm there for a paycheck so I can do the things in life I want.

Mediocrity never felt so good.

Work is hollow. It's a means to an end.

Look at the obituaries in the Washington Post sometime.
You will see people who worked/served the government for 30+ 40+ years and in the end nobody remembers or gives a rats ass.
Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.

I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with.
I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . .

And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes??

Wll, you put too much of your identity into work with is an empty endeavor. I'm such an underachiver and couldn't be happier with my mediocre professionally life and my extremely happy social and family life.

Work has always been a means to live, not the other way sround. Stop chasing things that don't matter.

This is what I see too.

I guess I never gave enough fucks to throw my life into my work. On Sundays I've always looked forward to Fridays. I've never thought it OK or good to stay at the office past 5. No way. I start staring at the clock at 230 wondering when I can haul ass out of work so I can live my real life.

I don't need or want a trophy for clocking long hours. I'm there for a paycheck so I can do the things in life I want.

Mediocrity never felt so good.

Work is hollow. It's a means to an end.

Maybe to you (and to most) - but how about people (possibly like OP) who love their work, throw in their all -- whether for the sense of accomplishment or bc they like competition or money or whatever; and then it doesn't work out. How do you move past that? How do you suddenly develop other interests?

I don't know. They built their life on something meaningless. It's like building your life on the size and shape of your tits. When they sag and deflate, whats left if that is what you valued?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

When I say I miss high school -- it's not that I miss (or even remember) the classes or the pep rallies or whatever. To me "high school" meant a consistent group of people to go from class to class with all day and then getting to come home at night to your nuclear family who was there for you. You have that to come home to now. I don't. I come home to an empty apartment and wonder if I really have to bother making dinner since it's just me and if my night will just consist of TV. You're just in a better spot in life so of course you don't miss the past.

Let this be a cautionary tale of the sometimes harsh realities of being a woman who puts off settling down in favor of a career that may or may not pan out. This works for men because they can alway marry a younger woman. For women we have a shorter window of opportunity. Men don't have an expiration date.

Yea, I know you all will be up in arms, but this is the way it sometimes ends up. For many people having a family, though difficult and often limiting, it also is wonderful to come home each day to a family who you love and loves you. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Why is it one or the other? I know single women in their late 30s who didn't put off having a family because of a career. They have a career, sure, but they didn't put off marriage or family for the career. It just happens that they didn't meet someone they wanted to marry.

What are you suggesting women in their 20s do? Not work, live with their parents while they husband shop full time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's my take, OP. In HS and college you were given a specific path. Follow this path, work hard, and you are a success. But after school the path ends and you come to a big wide field where you have to make your own way with no formula to follow. This is where a lot of people (in their early 20s) run into crisis, but then they try a bunch of things, right their ship and figure it out.

OP I can totally relate about being at one's peak performance in high school. For me I had my peak performance in college/grad school, around the ages of 21-25. I'm in my late 30s now, and feel like it's all been downhill from there, both professionally and socially. I am wistful for the days when I had so many options for my future career--I could go to grad school in any number of fields, try out different jobs, etc. before settling on one career path. I also totally relate to what the poster wrote above about having a path to follow through high school and college, and then many people having difficulty with the lack of a path after college. I did well in high school and college, but then really had no direction at all in terms of career. I tried a bunch of different jobs, went to grad school twice (and graduated with two different masters), and still never found my path. Even in my late 30's I never really had a career (just a series of jobs, and always underemployed). Now I'm a SAHM, which makes the most sense given that I was always underemployed and had no career. So at least you have found a good career where you were not underemployed.

I have finally been successful in creating a social life/sense of community for myself and my family. I worked hard at it, joining lots of moms groups and reaching out to people a lot. I had no social circle or any friends at all when we moved here in my early 30s from out of state, and finally I feel like I do have friends and a sense of community here. I would recommend joining meetup, volunteering, and finding a book club or other hobby and meeting people that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange to me. I'm 38, two kids, a decent job that pays the bills, and a good husband. I'm so much happier than when I was in High School! I'm also happier than whrn I was in college. You couldn't pay me to go back to high school.

When I say I miss high school -- it's not that I miss (or even remember) the classes or the pep rallies or whatever. To me "high school" meant a consistent group of people to go from class to class with all day and then getting to come home at night to your nuclear family who was there for you. You have that to come home to now. I don't. I come home to an empty apartment and wonder if I really have to bother making dinner since it's just me and if my night will just consist of TV. You're just in a better spot in life so of course you don't miss the past.

Let this be a cautionary tale of the sometimes harsh realities of being a woman who puts off settling down in favor of a career that may or may not pan out. This works for men because they can alway marry a younger woman. For women we have a shorter window of opportunity. Men don't have an expiration date.

Yea, I know you all will be up in arms, but this is the way it sometimes ends up. For many people having a family, though difficult and often limiting, it also is wonderful to come home each day to a family who you love and loves you. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Why is it one or the other? I know single women in their late 30s who didn't put off having a family because of a career. They have a career, sure, but they didn't put off marriage or family for the career. It just happens that they didn't meet someone they wanted to marry.

What are you suggesting women in their 20s do? Not work, live with their parents while they husband shop full time?

Millions of women can find balance. Your dramatic suggestion is silly.

Don't marry your job. Don't think you have all the time in thr world. Age sneaks up on you. Don't end up in the dating pool with the leftovers, commitment phobes, and sloppy seconds.