What did I do wrong -- how did life go downhill after high school??
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Anonymous
| Join a group that goes walking or cycling on weekends. Time spent outdoors is good for the soul, as is socializing. As for the single thing, plenty of people in marriages are more miserable than single people. |
Anonymous
Don't strive for happiness, strive to be content. Striving for happiness is always going to disappoint because you will not recognize the good. If you are singe, it might be time to relocate to somewhere you really want to live, so if your job is unsatisfying, your surroundings make up for it. Frankly, the DC area is one of the more depressing areas to live. Get outta dodge!! |
Anonymous
The funny thing is, is social media is just that for me and for a lot of others. I can keep in touch with my large family, virtually hang with people I would never have otherwise had access to due to their celebrity status and the caution they needed to take, get back in touch with old friends, etc. And I can chat on forums such as this one! I know there are 'anti-techhies' out there, but BOY, it's been great for so many! |
Anonymous
I think PP was talking about people like you. Not in a harsh way, just in a "this is the best place on earth/why would anyone live anywhere else/if so you must be a loser" sort of way. On the contrary, some people feel if you have never left where you were raised - all of that applies. Sometimes, rightfully so. |
Anonymous
+1 OP, you will never know this unless you try it first hand. |
Anonymous
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Here's my take, OP. In HS and college you were given a specific path. Follow this path, work hard, and you are a success. But after school the path ends and you come to a big wide field where you have to make your own way with no formula to follow. This is where a lot of people (in their early 20s) run into crisis, but then they try a bunch of things, right their ship and figure it out.
But, by going into consulting, you found another path to follow. Like in school you did what you were supposed to do...but it didn't work out. You have come to that open "field" later than many, and you are feeling like a failure because the first job that you have taken off the path seems like a step down. But it's not- it's just your first move as you figure things out and how to readjust your career goals and moves. Meanwhile, your friends are pairing off, etc. which naturally happens in your 30s. Are you dating? Why not? |
Anonymous
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You didn't do anything wrong, you are in a rut. You need to get out of it or it will drag you down. Or you are already dragged down and depressed. You let life pass you buy without doing anything about it. Get out of it. Find something positive to do. Be proactive about the things you want to do. Want to meet people, join a meetup or a hiking group. You hate hiking? Find something else. Look beyond the circle you are familiar with.
If you want to feel good, do something good for someone else without expecting anything in return. If you are not a happy person, people will not gravitate to you. The wrong type of people gravitate to you when you are down. |
Anonymous
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OP here – you all have hit the nail on the head on a few things. I really never thought that adults thought about high school – except the few who talk about the glory days of being football quarterback or something.
I definitely followed a straight path – high school to college, grad school, consulting. It wasn’t ever easy, but it was just one of those – keep working hard and move on to the next stage – types of things. And then it fell apart on me, and I realized I have no one – didn’t have much of a professional network that wanted to help despite the fact that I killed myself for them for a decade, don’t have many friends, and my family doesn’t understand. Ended up unemployed for a long stretch and then had to take the first offer I got – DC in the gov’t. Sorry to insult those who’ve spent a lifetime in the gov’t, but it isn’t for me – I miss the client interaction, running the show, and even billing time. Yet there isn’t any way for me to get back there – I had no luck getting hired at a competitor firm as they have their own partner track folks to deal with. I thought a geographic change would help – as I was living in an east coast city that I really really disliked; so when an offer came along in DC, I took it . . . . And yes, I do think I am depressed, and yet I’m really averse to the idea of going on any meds. And what is a therapist going to say that you all haven’t – get out there, make friends, everyone feels like this sometimes?? |
Anonymous
A few things: 1) A therapist has lots of techniques to help you. Don't dismiss the concept before you've even tried it. 2) Don't worry about meds or no meds yet. See a therapist, let them lead you. 3) Yes, you CAN get back in the field - specialize. Where are you working now, OP? Get some specific experience that a consulting firm will need and find attractive. This is the part where you need to stop following the path right in front of you and start thinking about where you want to be in 10 years and how you can get there. Think outside the box!!! |
Anonymous
What geographic areas do you seem to like? Could you start with that information, and work from there? ITA, D.C. is not for most people. There are smart people in some really great, alive, charismatic places that might revive you. The flat affect thing might not be for you. |
Anonymous
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OP -- you seem like a reasonable person from your post.
It probably is time to move from your comfort zone and try to change things up a bit. I agree with you that a therapist might not be for you. I would try some new things: 1. Church --- (do you belong to one)? If not, try that or if you hate that idea...try meditation 2. Volunteer -- sometimes it helps to focus on other people to get the focus away from yourself 3. Book club -- forced way to meet new people 4. Mentor --mentor folks around you ..it might help you to feel good 5. Dating sites -- have you tried them? 6. Health club -- take classes and stay around after to meet people 7. blog -- find other like-minded people. 8. Tutor -- help others High school was the time of my life. I was class president and it really was like I owned the world (my little high school world anyway). I was struck by your post that even though you weren't in a key position or group, it was still your time. That's nice. It is great that people take care of you still in h.s. while you are almost an adult. |
Anonymous
I think they meant people in public constantly focusing on their tech devices instead of their surroundings. You cannot meet random new people in public places if you are too busy concentrating on your tech devices instead of the people around you. Hence the term "unsocial media" |
Anonymous
Lets face it. If you are in your mid 30s, the high point of your life was watching Carson Daly on TRL every single day after school. That was it. Just accept the fact that its all downhill from here on out. 30s. 40s. 50s. 60s. Downward spiral. Just step aside and allow the next generation to come along and make their mark.. |
Anonymous
| OP, I went through a devastating career loss and had to readjust my perspective. These days, I'm employed but not where I thought I would be. OTOH, I have time to devote myself to my sport and volunteering in the community, which makes me quite happy. Probably therapy would help but as has been suggested, maybe you need to broaden your life and get engaged in other things besides work. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| For those of you who had career losses/job losses that caused unhappiness -- esp those who were workaholics/on a traditional path and somehow lost that -- did you all just take a job and accept it for what it was and use your time for other things be it dating, family, volunteering, whatever? Or are there folks who affirmatively found themselves another workaholic type of position -- whether it was good or bad -- so they could throw themselves into work and feel "normal" again? |