Explaining half siblings to toddler

[Anonymous]

I find it curious that your DD has had these boys in her life for nearly 3 years, spending time with them in your home and other family occasions, and you have never referred to them as her brothers. How did you even manage to skip that reference for nearly 3 years? Haven't other family members referred to them as her brothers? How have you gotten around that? But more importantly, why would you want to?

It may be uncomfortable for you that your DD has two brothers, the sons of your DH with another woman. I get that. And yes, they are technically your DD's half brothers. But that truly is a technicality that would be lost on children until an older age. And frankly, it's a technicality that does not need to be discussed in depth. Your DD has two brothers, and she is fortunate to have siblings because not all children do. I would definitely start referring to these boys as her brothers. And I cannot help but think that they have noticed your omission. But most importantly, the fact that your DH has not always called these boys her brothers is disturbing, if only for the fact that it may make the boys feel bad.

[Anonymous]

This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your toddler should have known from the beginning. And, your poor stepchildren too.

[Anonymous]

Help!
My partner and I have 2 children - one age 4 and one age 2. My partner has a son who is 13 and lives 4 hours away. Unfortunately, due to messages in his ear and the block on communication, we’ve really struggled to speak to him. He has has seen the 4 year old once when she was 10 months old but nothing since. Today, we spoke on FaceTime for the first time in 2 years and it was lovely and just like normal. He didn’t mention his sisters and we didn’t either. He wants to come up and see us all - which would be amazing - but we don’t know how to navigate the half brother situation with him and with the girls (4 and 2)! Help!

[Anonymous]

WTH? You are making this unnecessarily complicated. The older kids are siblings too, they just have a different mom and most of the time they live with her. You explain this the same way you explain some families have two
Moms, others two Dads, others only one, others are raised by grandparents...etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are her brothers. Why don't you call them that? Seems you're making things more confusing by not acknowledging them.

Tell her there are lots of different types of families. Her brothers have a different mommy (or daddy) and live _____. They are still her brothers and love her and are a part of her family.

+1

I am 10 years older than my half siblings. We have always referred to each other as brothers and sisters. So weird not to! It's simple but you've made it complicated. Larla- your sister Petunia has a different mommy- but you share the same daddy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have found that the person that gets hung up on 'half' is usually the insecure one with the problem. Brother/Sister is easy for any kid to understand. And can always be clarified with 'Oh, my brother lives with his mom during the week.' That is plenty common.

- Big sister with a little sister 20+ years younger.

My family always used "half" because it was less confusing. Nobody was "hung up" on it at all; they were just being practical. However, I've had the recurrent admonishment that calling my siblings through my father as my "half-sister" and "half-brother" was somehow wrong, or churlish of me. People really loved to lay that one on me.

Of course, when they realized that my father had me when he was 65 and my sister when he was 20, it may have made more sense. She was 45 when I was born. I already had a 19 year old nephew on my first day of life.

"Half" was just practical in untangling that complexity. We all loved each other the same. A rose is a rose is a rose.

[Anonymous]

^^When Sally came to pick me up at school, "half-sister" warded off a lot of the "oh, no, she's your aunt" or "you don't mean that, isn't she some kind of cousin?" And the times we gathered at my father's side in the ICU, when he had a heart attack and then a series of strokes.

I was just a kid. I loved her, and she loved me. God knows I didn't need the lectures and guilt trips. It was hard enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are her brothers. Why don't you call them that? Seems you're making things more confusing by not acknowledging them.

Tell her there are lots of different types of families. Her brothers have a different mommy (or daddy) and live _____. They are still her brothers and love her and are a part of her family.

+1

That’s a loss for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

My mom always described my older half-sisters to me and to other people with the emphasis on the half. I appreciate the PPs here who say just call them brother or sister. Even if I didn’t see how manipulative it was until I was older, my mom’s very deliberate use of half rubbed me the wrong way from age 3-4 and made me feel awful. It definitely added to the distance between me and my sisters, because whenever we acted like normal siblings, my mom would swoop in with her half nonsense and do things to our more distance between us.

If you’re going to start a second family and drag innocent kids into it, keep the half nitpicking to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are her brothers. Why don't you call them that? Seems you're making things more confusing by not acknowledging them.

Tell her there are lots of different types of families. Her brothers have a different mommy (or daddy) and live _____. They are still her brothers and love her and are a part of her family.

+1

I am 10 years older than my half siblings. We have always referred to each other as brothers and sisters. So weird not to! It's simple but you've made it complicated. Larla- your sister Petunia has a different mommy- but you share the same daddy.

+2.

My two kids have older half-siblings and they’ve always been their brothers. Not “half”. My kids were never confused by it.

[Anonymous]

Half is a footnote to discuss within the family.

The kids who come every weekend are to be referred to as brother/sister.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird.

They are her brothers. Half brothers. Explain to her they have the same father as her so they come visit but a different mama and they live with that mama most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

Why wouldn’t you just tell her the truth? They are her brothers and when they aren’t living with their dad, they are living with their mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are her brothers. Half brother is a type of brother. This isn't complicated. I have always thought it controlling and stigmatizing to try and stifle use of the terms "half" and "step"-- I think it's better to be matter-of-fact about it, and I'm fine with being called a stepchild. But whatever you end up calling them, the bottom line is that they are her siblings. Maybe the only siblings she will ever have.

You say you're confused about what to tell her. You say "we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers". But what else would you teach her? They are her brothers, they have the same dad but a different mom. Where are they? They're at their mom's house. Why do they have a different appearance and religion? Because they have a different mom. Why do they skip a weekend? Because they're busy doing whatever activities they do.

This isn't very complicated, OP. The fact that you're finding this difficult says a lot about you and your feelings. Your disdain for your husband's children is so clearly evident. I wonder why you chose to marry and raise a child with a man whose parenting you view so negatively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?