Explaining half siblings to toddler

[Anonymous]

^^^ adding that we gained custody when the twins were 3. The big kids see their mom a couple weeks a year and for twins know her name and know that she is their mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine how the parent who created all 3 of these children hasn’t once called them all “siblings” or “brothers”.

Someone is dropping the ball on creating relationships. And it’s the adults in this case.

More like someone is profoundly uncomfortable with the simple facts of the family she chose to create.

Look, it's not that big a deal. They are OP's DD's half brothers. It's okay! Just tell your DD, OP. You're the one making it weird and complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ adding that we gained custody when the twins were 3. The big kids see their mom a couple weeks a year and for twins know her name and know that she is their mom.

So, socially they are a lot more like full siblings, in that all the kids reside together the majority of the time and have the same two people as primary custodial parents. In OP's case, socially they are not like full siblings, because they only have every other weekend together (if that) and the boys have a different primary custodial parent. Socially they are like half siblings. Which is FINE except that OP has some sort of complex about it.

[Anonymous]

"Larla, your brothers are coming this weekend."

"Larlo Jr and Larlo III, would you like to get ice cream with your sister Larla tomorrow?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

[Anonymous]

OP is going to have to explain the concept of half siblings. Because what is the alternative?

"I am their biological mother but I send them to live with this other woman for.... secret reasons."

"They are not the offspring of either of your parents, they are just random kids that we like to invite over every other weekend."

Come on. The concept of half siblings is the only thing that makes this make sense.

[Anonymous]

Did the father of the boys have a conversation with his sons when they got a baby sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

Well what kind of explanation do you propose for why they live with some other woman most of the time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

Well what kind of explanation do you propose for why they live with some other woman most of the time?

“Daddy and Carla are M and J’s mommy and daddy. Then daddy and I had you together.”

That’s literally all it takes. Toddlers accept their reality with very few questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

Well what kind of explanation do you propose for why they live with some other woman most of the time?

“Daddy and Carla are M and J’s mommy and daddy. Then daddy and I had you together.”

That’s literally all it takes. Toddlers accept their reality with very few questions.

So is being a half sibling some sort of shameful, stigmatizing fact that must be tiptoed around and never spoken aloud?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

Well what kind of explanation do you propose for why they live with some other woman most of the time?

“Daddy and Carla are M and J’s mommy and daddy. Then daddy and I had you together.”

That’s literally all it takes. Toddlers accept their reality with very few questions.

So is being a half sibling some sort of shameful, stigmatizing fact that must be tiptoed around and never spoken aloud?

I don’t think it’s that - I think it’s OP finds it so meaningful that she won’t refer to these two boys as “brother” to a toddler. What sort of father lets his kids be treated like OP is treating his sons?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our plan was to teach her the difference between brothers - John and Jim are brothers. They have the same parents. John and Jim are your half brothers because you have the same dad.

At such a young age, it just didn't come up. Everyone has a name, and she didn't understand that grandma is also jane. She think's grandma's name is grandma. It is now that she has questions about what a family is, how everyone relates, where everyone lives, etc.

There is something very wrong with you if your plan is to refer to them as her half brothers. They’re not half people.

Well what kind of explanation do you propose for why they live with some other woman most of the time?

“Daddy and Carla are M and J’s mommy and daddy. Then daddy and I had you together.”

That’s literally all it takes. Toddlers accept their reality with very few questions.

I think (?) pp thought you were saying you shouldn’t explain/tell them they they are half siblings. It sounds like you think it’s appropriate to fully explain how everyone is related but don’t think it’s necessary to refer to them as half siblings in day to day conversation.

I agree with this. Of course let her know that the boys are dad and Sally’s kids but it’s weird to say “your half brothers will be here for dinner tonight” etc.

[Anonymous]

There has got to be a toddler cartoon show that involves step families.

[Anonymous]

Exactly and teach your kid to never refer to them as half siblings. I have several siblings and some are technically half siblings but never referred to that way.

[Anonymous]

Remember, OP's daughter is herself a half sibling. Because it works both ways! So if OP treats "half sibling" like a scary, shameful taboo word that should never be spoken, what message does that send OP's daughter about her own self?

I really think it's so much better to be matter of fact about this. It doesn't have to be this awful truth that people are constantly trying to paper over with happy!blended!family!pressure!