Explaining half siblings to toddler

[Anonymous]

Half is a footnote to discuss within the family.

The kids who come every weekend are to be referred to as brother/sister.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird.

They are her brothers. Half brothers. Explain to her they have the same father as her so they come visit but a different mama and they live with that mama most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

Why wouldn’t you just tell her the truth? They are her brothers and when they aren’t living with their dad, they are living with their mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are her brothers. Half brother is a type of brother. This isn't complicated. I have always thought it controlling and stigmatizing to try and stifle use of the terms "half" and "step"-- I think it's better to be matter-of-fact about it, and I'm fine with being called a stepchild. But whatever you end up calling them, the bottom line is that they are her siblings. Maybe the only siblings she will ever have.

You say you're confused about what to tell her. You say "we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers". But what else would you teach her? They are her brothers, they have the same dad but a different mom. Where are they? They're at their mom's house. Why do they have a different appearance and religion? Because they have a different mom. Why do they skip a weekend? Because they're busy doing whatever activities they do.

This isn't very complicated, OP. The fact that you're finding this difficult says a lot about you and your feelings. Your disdain for your husband's children is so clearly evident. I wonder why you chose to marry and raise a child with a man whose parenting you view so negatively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?

They are definitely half brothers. And that's fine! It's okay to have half siblings. Trying to suppress the term only stigmatizes it more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dd has 2 half siblings - 10 and 12 years older. They come over every other weekend. We've never referred to them as her brothers. We've just been confused about how to explain why they leave, where they go, why they may skip a weekend, why they look different, aren't always at grandma's, etc. Now that she is almost three she is asking even more questions and we're not sure if we should teach her the concept of half brothers, refer to them as brothers - though she knows her friends and cousins have siblings that live with them full time. How have others handled this?

How long ago did your dd’s parent divorce the 12/13 and 14/15 siblings parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?

They are definitely half brothers. And that's fine! It's okay to have half siblings. Trying to suppress the term only stigmatizes it more.

Socially, they are full brothers. Genetically they are half brothers.

Why is it a priority to inspect their genetics in every social conversation?

It's like calling a half a fruit salad because it has peppers and tomatoes and cucumbers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?

They are definitely half brothers. And that's fine! It's okay to have half siblings. Trying to suppress the term only stigmatizes it more.

Socially, they are full brothers. Genetically they are half brothers.

Why is it a priority to inspect their genetics in every social conversation?

It's like calling a half a fruit salad because it has peppers and tomatoes and cucumbers.

That's quite a reach.

Being raised in a completely different context and sometimes in a completely different generation as well, is not just genetics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?

They are definitely half brothers. And that's fine! It's okay to have half siblings. Trying to suppress the term only stigmatizes it more.

Socially, they are full brothers. Genetically they are half brothers.

Why is it a priority to inspect their genetics in every social conversation?

It's like calling a half a fruit salad because it has peppers and tomatoes and cucumbers.

No, they're not. They're half brothers both socially and genetically. Half siblings can be as bonded and as loving as full siblings, sure, although in this case they're clearly not. But you can't just wave away reality here. They're half brothers and-- key point-- it's okay! It's okay that they have a different mother. It's okay that OP is not their mom.

Why is it a priority for you to pretend that they are full siblings when clearly they're not? Are you uncomfortable with the reality here?

[Anonymous]

Why would you explain half siblings to a toddler? How about don’t?

All they’re going to do is tell everyone all your business

[Anonymous]

Well clearly they're not socially full brothers, since OP hasn't even explained to their own half sister that they are siblings in any way at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you explain half siblings to a toddler? How about don’t?

All they’re going to do is tell everyone all your business

But everyone already knows, right? The half brothers are visiting every other weekend, it's not some big secret. The DH's marriage and (I hope) divorce are matters of public record.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why wouldn't you call them her brothers? Those poor boys! Sounds like you are putting a lot of your own issues on these kids.

I agree. They are brothers not half brothers. This would be as bad as someone introducing children as adopted. Did the kids ask about this or is this important to you?

They are definitely half brothers. And that's fine! It's okay to have half siblings. Trying to suppress the term only stigmatizes it more.

Socially, they are full brothers. Genetically they are half brothers.

Why is it a priority to inspect their genetics in every social conversation?

It's like calling a half a fruit salad because it has peppers and tomatoes and cucumbers.

No, they're not. They're half brothers both socially and genetically. Half siblings can be as bonded and as loving as full siblings, sure, although in this case they're clearly not. But you can't just wave away reality here. They're half brothers and-- key point-- it's okay! It's okay that they have a different mother. It's okay that OP is not their mom.

Why is it a priority for you to pretend that they are full siblings when clearly they're not? Are you uncomfortable with the reality here?

Custodial step mom to three older kids who are 8 to 12 years older than their twin siblings. I am open that they are my step kids when the social situation lends to it. But they have always been nothing but brothers and sister to the twins and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine how the parent who created all 3 of these children hasn’t once called them all “siblings” or “brothers”.

Someone is dropping the ball on creating relationships. And it’s the adults in this case.