Post Infidelity Anger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hold an ace in your pocket. You now have the upper hand in the marriage. You have zero fkks to give. Own it and enjoy it !!

I didn’t realize I was still in a marriage, she ended it when I became the forsaken one. I did lose the comfort of happy memories and I lost the family that I sacrificed all of my other dreams to create with her. If I wanted to shame my wife into making me happy, wouldn’t that just create more resentments and comparisons? I get the fantasy, but I would rather play with someone I love, than live it with some incapable of love.

Letting go of dreams is a sacrifice?
You realize dreams are not actual reality, yes?

What are you blathering about? I can give you a real life example - a friend was in the Navy and had made it from Captain of a submarine to Commodore. In order to make Admiral, which had always been his dream (yes, that's a common phrase that people use for things they want and work towards), they would have had to uproot again for a very undesirable location. His wife said she wouldn't go (and she'd keep the kids with her) if he went. So he retired and took a private sector job. He gave up his dream, again, correct phrasing, of being Admiral in order to not lose his family. If his wife then cheated on him, I could see him saying that he sacrificed his dream, of being Admiral, to keep his family whole, and then his wife went and blew it all up. Get it now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hold an ace in your pocket. You now have the upper hand in the marriage. You have zero fkks to give. Own it and enjoy it !!

I didn’t realize I was still in a marriage, she ended it when I became the forsaken one. I did lose the comfort of happy memories and I lost the family that I sacrificed all of my other dreams to create with her. If I wanted to shame my wife into making me happy, wouldn’t that just create more resentments and comparisons? I get the fantasy, but I would rather play with someone I love, than live it with some incapable of love.

Letting go of dreams is a sacrifice?
You realize dreams are not actual reality, yes?

What are you blathering about? I can give you a real life example - a friend was in the Navy and had made it from Captain of a submarine to Commodore. In order to make Admiral, which had always been his dream (yes, that's a common phrase that people use for things they want and work towards), they would have had to uproot again for a very undesirable location. His wife said she wouldn't go (and she'd keep the kids with her) if he went. So he retired and took a private sector job. He gave up his dream, again, correct phrasing, of being Admiral in order to not lose his family. If his wife then cheated on him, I could see him saying that he sacrificed his dream, of being Admiral, to keep his family whole, and then his wife went and blew it all up. Get it now?

Exactly, we should be planning for empty nesting together with the hard part of life behind us and the easier and enjoyable part in front of us. Instead I have to start over, way behind financially and emotionally destroyed. My confidence and identity need to be rebuilt, but I am tired and frustrated instead of excited and hopeful. I know I can’t change the past and am having a difficult time envisioning a future that isn’t as disappointing and tainted as my present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hold an ace in your pocket. You now have the upper hand in the marriage. You have zero fkks to give. Own it and enjoy it !!

I didn’t realize I was still in a marriage, she ended it when I became the forsaken one. I did lose the comfort of happy memories and I lost the family that I sacrificed all of my other dreams to create with her. If I wanted to shame my wife into making me happy, wouldn’t that just create more resentments and comparisons? I get the fantasy, but I would rather play with someone I love, than live it with some incapable of love.

Letting go of dreams is a sacrifice?
You realize dreams are not actual reality, yes?

What are you blathering about? I can give you a real life example - a friend was in the Navy and had made it from Captain of a submarine to Commodore. In order to make Admiral, which had always been his dream (yes, that's a common phrase that people use for things they want and work towards), they would have had to uproot again for a very undesirable location. His wife said she wouldn't go (and she'd keep the kids with her) if he went. So he retired and took a private sector job. He gave up his dream, again, correct phrasing, of being Admiral in order to not lose his family. If his wife then cheated on him, I could see him saying that he sacrificed his dream, of being Admiral, to keep his family whole, and then his wife went and blew it all up. Get it now?

Exactly, we should be planning for empty nesting together with the hard part of life behind us and the easier and enjoyable part in front of us. Instead I have to start over, way behind financially and emotionally destroyed. My confidence and identity need to be rebuilt, but I am tired and frustrated instead of excited and hopeful. I know I can’t change the past and am having a difficult time envisioning a future that isn’t as disappointing and tainted as my present.

You seem very invested in feeling like crap so I can see why you are still with a wife who cheated on you. You have to rebuild your life, and that’s disappointing, but adult life is fully of disappointment. My husband is currently watching his sister die from cancer instead of plan her retirement. Count your blessings and start living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You hold an ace in your pocket. You now have the upper hand in the marriage. You have zero fkks to give. Own it and enjoy it !!

I didn’t realize I was still in a marriage, she ended it when I became the forsaken one. I did lose the comfort of happy memories and I lost the family that I sacrificed all of my other dreams to create with her. If I wanted to shame my wife into making me happy, wouldn’t that just create more resentments and comparisons? I get the fantasy, but I would rather play with someone I love, than live it with some incapable of love.

Letting go of dreams is a sacrifice?
You realize dreams are not actual reality, yes?

What are you blathering about? I can give you a real life example - a friend was in the Navy and had made it from Captain of a submarine to Commodore. In order to make Admiral, which had always been his dream (yes, that's a common phrase that people use for things they want and work towards), they would have had to uproot again for a very undesirable location. His wife said she wouldn't go (and she'd keep the kids with her) if he went. So he retired and took a private sector job. He gave up his dream, again, correct phrasing, of being Admiral in order to not lose his family. If his wife then cheated on him, I could see him saying that he sacrificed his dream, of being Admiral, to keep his family whole, and then his wife went and blew it all up. Get it now?

Exactly, we should be planning for empty nesting together with the hard part of life behind us and the easier and enjoyable part in front of us. Instead I have to start over, way behind financially and emotionally destroyed. My confidence and identity need to be rebuilt, but I am tired and frustrated instead of excited and hopeful. I know I can’t change the past and am having a difficult time envisioning a future that isn’t as disappointing and tainted as my present.

It might be depression. Be sure to talk to your doctor.

They say that our equilibrium usually returns to normal after a life-changing event, whether that event is good or bad. You lose an arm or you win the lottery . . . eventually you are just as happy (or not happy) as you were before. Basically, it's internal work, not really dependent on your circumstances. I try to actively remember that there is so much suffering in the world (so who am I to expect an exemption), but also so much joy and blessing.

It was horrible when my now ex-husband suddenly left me 18 months ago. But I am happy, genuinely happy now. I still have some trauma and grief work to do, and need to discover some things about myself. But ultimately this couldn't shake me because my happiness was never dependent upon a single person or facet of my identity.