Childless Employer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, you are missing and hour of work every other week and he's the problem?

If he has a problem with it, he should have a conversation with her about how to manage this, not make one-off obnoxious comments implicitly criticizing the division of labor in her marriage. That he hasn't done that means he knows his boss/organization would not approve.

+1. I think OP needs a different job. Anyone clueless enough to say this will repeat this type of behavior.

[Anonymous]

I would look into FMLA. But I agree OP, I'm not a parent but I find working parents (unless spouse is a SAHP) to be much more understanding of scheduling flexibility for my coworkers who are parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It takes a village. Look you have parents, in-laws, sisters, bothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends can help, you can hire someone, you can do a swap deal with another mom. Heck your husband could do it. Yes that is a concept he is a parent.

If all the above people said no or unavailable sure your boss will help out. But he should be last not first.

You do realize many, many, people don’t live near family, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

All of this.

And FWIW, my personal experience has been bosses who were dads with wives taking care of most of the kid stuff or moms with nannies have been the least flexible and understanding. My bosses without kids (married and not) have been the most understanding and flexible and also took time off themselves to care for partners and elderly parents at various times.

So, if OP is the dad, he gets a pass but if OP is a mom she is a martyr in the face of misogyny?

I think you are misreading the PP. I read that as related to OP's insistence that her boss's sexual orientation was relevant. PP is saying that men in opposite sex relationships who do little/no childcare are LESS sympathetic than men in same sex relationships.

Thank you, yes, that's what I meant. And that is my personal experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

All of this.

And FWIW, my personal experience has been bosses who were dads with wives taking care of most of the kid stuff or moms with nannies have been the least flexible and understanding. My bosses without kids (married and not) have been the most understanding and flexible and also took time off themselves to care for partners and elderly parents at various times.

There is a reason for that. For instance i worked at a company that had really good flex for Moms I as a man started working late, skipping lunch, going in early to cover for them. That is fine. But then that same staff would be talking about fab vacations, new SUVS, big trade up houses, how they can do double 401ks as they have double income. Meanwhile the SAHM is geting kid on bus by herself, going to school events by herself, getting dinner ready and kids to bed by herself as her husband is covering for the working moms iiving in mansions

This is one of the more humorous and pathetic posts I’ve read on here in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

I couldn't disagree more. It is highly relevant. Have you ever had to deal with being postpartum? It is a nightmare and truly a life or death situation for some women. Gay men simply can't ever understand that.

No man has dealt with postpartum. Many women haven’t dealt with postpartum. How are you generalizing this way that only gay men haven’t given birth to a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are being unclear about whether you are taking sick leave, annual leave, etc.

I hope you don't think you can just show up at 9am instead of 730am every other week and expect them to deal with it. Just because you are a parent doesn't mean childless people or people with kids who dont take as much leave should have to cover for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

All of this.

And FWIW, my personal experience has been bosses who were dads with wives taking care of most of the kid stuff or moms with nannies have been the least flexible and understanding. My bosses without kids (married and not) have been the most understanding and flexible and also took time off themselves to care for partners and elderly parents at various times.

FWIW my personal experience has been the opposite in that my bosses who were dads have been by far the most flexible and understanding about childcare constraints. The worst and least understanding have been bosses that are unmarried/childless women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

Once again, the issue is childlessness, not that he's gay. Gay and straight people do and don't have children. Gay and straight people are anti child. Gay and straight people love children. What you're doing is stereotyping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are. You supposed to be at work at 8:30? I mean why are you telling your employer what you’re doing on your own time?

OP here. Yes- god question. My day starts at 7:30. I'm effectively taking an hour every other Tuesday and it is annoying him.

get your wife to help.

why is this so hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First of all, putting this on the fact that he's a gay man is kind of gross and does not make you look sympathetic at all.

Second, FMLA would cover this sort of thing *if you had filed for it.* Did you fill out the appropriate paperwork and file with HR?

I'm not saying your boss isn't being a jerk (and honestly that's an unprofessional email from him), but you are also not covering yourself in glory here by insinuating that his sexual orientation makes him less compassionate and by invoking an HR/legal process that it does not sound like you have actually activated.

It's pretty relevant, though. He'll never know the logistics this kind of thing takes. Not that she should have told him.

Gay people can and do have kids. His childlessness is relevant. Not his sexual orientation.

Only 5-10% of gay men have a child in their lifetimes.

Frankly, I have multiple gay male acquaintances who are vocally anti-child - “Eww gross” - and who don’t appreciate the constraints children place on your availability. Life as a gay man in a management position in a company is basically the 180 opposite of being a harried working parent. The guy was a complete dick for grilling OP about a morning medical appt.

+1000.

First job out of college was in publishing in DC. Manger was a gay man. Boss was a gay man. Owner was a lesbian. All childless. I was 22 so had no kids but I'm straight. I literally heard them mock "breeders" on a daily basis. This was in 2001, just before September 11th, but nowadays you could have sued the ever loving sh*t out of them for their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are. You supposed to be at work at 8:30? I mean why are you telling your employer what you’re doing on your own time?

OP here. Yes- god question. My day starts at 7:30. I'm effectively taking an hour every other Tuesday and it is annoying him.

get your wife to help.

why is this so hard?

Why is reading so hard for you? The wife is on travel regularly.

[Anonymous]

Does he have pets or a cat? I find most childless LGBTQ relate to childcare issues if they have pets.

[Anonymous]

OP, I definitely understand your point but you have to also look at the situation from your supervisor’s perspective. Like all supervisors, your supervisor has standards that he has to meet. He can’t meet these standards if you’re out of the office when he needs you. I understand that you need flexibility. However, your supervisor needs predictability. It’s not a gay or straight thing.