When to stop inviting all girls in class or kids of parent friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

Last year, I made DD invite all the girls in her class including two girls (different girls from this class) she did not want to invite. Both girls had parties and also did not invite DD last year. We still invited both. One girl came. The other girl didn’t. They are still not friends.

With my teen son, I’m fairly certain we were the only family who invited all the boys in sixth grade. He always had big parties so it was easy to invite all the boys and the entire sports team. Depending on the year, we would invite 2-3 full teams plus the boys in class plus family friends I added.

My daughter is so much more stubborn. She won’t budge.

[Anonymous]

I think this is two different situations.

1. You can't leave out two girls from her class only. That's cruel. Kids talk, they'll find out, they'll feel bad. And you know that there's at least one girl in the class who will MAKE SURE they know they were the only ones who weren't invited. Please don't do that to these girls.

2. You shouldn't make her invite your friends' kids. They won't know, they won't care. My mom tried to make me be friends with her friends' kids and I swear, I'm still triggered by any mention of those girls. I hated them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

OP said that her daughter attended a party earlier this year and those 2 girls were the ones left out of that party too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

Last year, I made DD invite all the girls in her class including two girls (different girls from this class) she did not want to invite. Both girls had parties and also did not invite DD last year. We still invited both. One girl came. The other girl didn’t. They are still not friends.

With my teen son, I’m fairly certain we were the only family who invited all the boys in sixth grade. He always had big parties so it was easy to invite all the boys and the entire sports team. Depending on the year, we would invite 2-3 full teams plus the boys in class plus family friends I added.

My daughter is so much more stubborn. She won’t budge.

So tell her she doesn't have to invite the girls she doesn't want to invite from the class, but she needs to cut out 2 other girls from her class too, to make it closer to half of the girls and not so obviously just excluding these 2. And give it up with the "girls she has known forever and who are the kids of my bestie" and the "girl that's mean but her mom is really active in the community and it would be socially beneficial to invite her" (I can't believe you really said that, omg). She doesn't have to invite girls who aren't in her class who she isn't friends with.

But you're clearly just looking for an excuse to do whatever your DD wants because you have no ability to say no to her. "She won't budge"? Is she the one sending out the invites and booking the venue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.

I don't get why you keep posting. You don't want advice, you want permission. You don't need our permission to exclude the 2 girls from her class that all of the other moms and daughters have apparently been excluding the past few months. You have free will. And your DH can try to manage his adult social life through his 9 year old daughter by insisting she invite the daughters of his and your friends even though they aren't in her class and she doesn't like them. Just go do what you want to do instead of posting over and over that this is what you want to do when people give you unanimous advice that what you're doing is nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.

I don't get why you keep posting. You don't want advice, you want permission. You don't need our permission to exclude the 2 girls from her class that all of the other moms and daughters have apparently been excluding the past few months. You have free will. And your DH can try to manage his adult social life through his 9 year old daughter by insisting she invite the daughters of his and your friends even though they aren't in her class and she doesn't like them. Just go do what you want to do instead of posting over and over that this is what you want to do when people give you unanimous advice that what you're doing is nasty.

I booked this venue last week. I haven’t sent out invitations because of the guest list.

There have been zero all class or all the girls in the class parties this year. I know on dcum it seems like everyone always invites all the girls in the class but it doesn’t happen at our school.

I don’t know why I felt so bad about it. Your attitude has made me agree with my child. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what happens at the party? The two girls likely won't have fun because they are not friends with the other girls.

They also still won't be friends after the party unless you plan on making your daughter invite them to play at recess and on the weekend.

This is not about the girls who are left out or teaching your daughter anything.
It's about you and your virtue signaling.

They are friends with the other girls in the class, just not with OP's daughter.

Then they can go to their friends birthday parties. Since ops daughter is not their friend no need to invite them.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to leave people out. It’s not fine to leave only a few people out. I don’t know what hard about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to leave people out. It’s not fine to leave only a few people out. I don’t know what hard about this.

So last year, I made her invite the girl who was mean to her, not friends who told her she was not invited to her party because they aren’t friends. I still made her invite her and they couldn’t come. I thought it was cruel to leave one person out even if the girl is mean to DD.

The year before we included the boys who are disruptive and DD didn’t want. We invited the whole class.

I don’t think anyone actually answered my question on when to stop inviting everyone. DD is in third grade.

I made my son invite everyone until sixth grade.

[Anonymous]

Op, back in the days. Our kids start hanging out with a small group by 1st grade so around seven.

I had only one friend that invited us to her parties until their kids turned ten years old, then that was it (they also divorced a few years later & we stopped being friends but TMI)...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to leave people out. It’s not fine to leave only a few people out. I don’t know what hard about this.

So last year, I made her invite the girl who was mean to her, not friends who told her she was not invited to her party because they aren’t friends. I still made her invite her and they couldn’t come. I thought it was cruel to leave one person out even if the girl is mean to DD.

The year before we included the boys who are disruptive and DD didn’t want. We invited the whole class.

I don’t think anyone actually answered my question on when to stop inviting everyone. DD is in third grade.

I made my son invite everyone until sixth grade.

So you just taught her that you should still interact with people who are mean to you. Great lesson for both kids. It’s a birthday party not an organ donation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whole inclusion thing started out well but has morphed into teaching kids to make themselves smaller for someone else’s happiness and it has taught other kids that if the have an “excuse” for their behavior, there will be no consequences.

This is a much smaller problem than someone inviting every girl in the class to a party but 1 or 2. Which is just mean.

No you don't have to include people you dislike. But occasionally that also means just having a smaller party in general. This is life and having social skills means you navigate these things all the time.

As an adult, if I am having a party and one of my friend's is dating a guy I hate, I still have to invite the jerk-bf to the party to stay friends with my friend. OR: I can have a smaller gathering without partners. This is similar.

Goodness some of you are hopeless in social situations.

Are you 8 years old? No you are not. Expecting kids to have the emotional bandwidth of an adult is unfair. Expecting girls to make themselves uncomfortable to make others comfortable is just a continuation of the outdated concept that women must always be kind even at their own expense. This kid doesn’t like these kids. Your comparison is not valid because you like your friend and accept the boyfriend as a package deal. This girl has nothing to gain by inviting these kids. Yes she should not be unkind to the kids at school but she does not need to modify her once a year celebration for the comfort of others.

Op here. She doesn’t like two girls, the daughters of parents I know well. They are not in the same class and I acknowledge these girls are not very nice so I have accepted not inviting them.

I’m still working on inviting the two girls from class and a handful of girls we have known the families since kindergarten. She claims she never talks to them and they have no relationship and not friends.

I asked my now teen son what I should do and he said don’t make her invite them. She got invited to another party where the girl is in her class and she left out the same girls.

That's awful that the same 2 girls are being left out of every class party, of 10 girls in the class. Especially when they aren't mean, as you say- they're just apparently not popular. If my daughter refused, at age 9, to invite these last 2 girls to her party, she would have to cut her guest list down to make those 2 girls not the only 2 left out from the class, or if she insisted she couldn't do that, then those 2 girls were getting an invite as well. If she threw a fit, then she doesn't get a party. I mean, seriously.
That being said, stop making her invite the children of your own adult friends that she isn't even friends with. That's a different situation and you shouldn't make her do that. You can have your adult friends over for your own adult party some other time.

I think you misread OP. She didn't say they don't have any friends, she just said her daughter isn't friends with them. I'm sure they are friends with other girls in the class. OP's daughter is just a brat.

One girl is a troublemaker, doesn’t like DD and DD doesn’t like her. I don’t know the other girl at all. I don’t know what she looks like. I met her mom at a school event a month ago and she didn’t know who my daughter was either.

I was going to force her to invite them and then DD started getting upset. DH thinks we have to invite the girls of the parents we know well more than the girls in her class.

DD went to several parties over the past few weeks and none of them had all the girls in the class. And yes, the same two girls were not at any of the parties.

I don't get why you keep posting. You don't want advice, you want permission. You don't need our permission to exclude the 2 girls from her class that all of the other moms and daughters have apparently been excluding the past few months. You have free will. And your DH can try to manage his adult social life through his 9 year old daughter by insisting she invite the daughters of his and your friends even though they aren't in her class and she doesn't like them. Just go do what you want to do instead of posting over and over that this is what you want to do when people give you unanimous advice that what you're doing is nasty.

I booked this venue last week. I haven’t sent out invitations because of the guest list.

There have been zero all class or all the girls in the class parties this year. I know on dcum it seems like everyone always invites all the girls in the class but it doesn’t happen at our school.

I don’t know why I felt so bad about it. Your attitude has made me agree with my child. Thank you.

NO ONE says the only solution is to invite all the girls in her class (because you're right, they've aged out of that by 3rd grade usually). EVERYONE is saying that to invite all of the girls EXCEPT for 2, especially when those 2 girls have also been perpetually excluded from the other birthday parties according to you, AND those girls are not mean , they're just not girls your daughter wants to play with- THAT is terrible. Inviting just her closest friends is totally fine. Not wanting to invite the kids of mom and dad's friends is totally fine. It's all fine, EXCEPT for excluding the 2 unpopular girls in her class (unless those girls bully your daughter or hit her or things like that- but you said that's not the case.). And don't pretend like you hadn't already made up your mind that you want your daughter to exclude the 2 unpopular girls, and that you want her to invite the mean girl that's the daughter of the queen bee mom even though your daughter says she's mean and doesn't want to. That's what you were going to do from the start, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to leave people out. It’s not fine to leave only a few people out. I don’t know what hard about this.

So last year, I made her invite the girl who was mean to her, not friends who told her she was not invited to her party because they aren’t friends. I still made her invite her and they couldn’t come. I thought it was cruel to leave one person out even if the girl is mean to DD.

The year before we included the boys who are disruptive and DD didn’t want. We invited the whole class.

I don’t think anyone actually answered my question on when to stop inviting everyone. DD is in third grade.

I made my son invite everyone until sixth grade.

Tons of people have answered your question- it is fine to stop inviting everyone immediately. It was always fine. It was fine in preschool too. What's not fine is inviting 90% of the class and leaving out the small minority. You need to cut the guest list way back, or suck it up and include everyone. This only applies to a pre-set group like a class, or a sports team, or all the kids who live on the street, in case that's a tough concept.