Enforcing no social media rule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.

No, that’s not how it goes. I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents. The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going. If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this. They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.

So let me get this straight. Mom was texting Jane and this made the friends drop her? Make it make sense. Also the leap from “you don’t let your kid on SM” to “you are super controlling” is bonkers. Are you the PO who let their 15 year old on Snapchat? Have you read any research on the subject of smartphones, social media, and developing brains?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a social group where other parents feel the way you do.

I don’t know any teenagers who want mommy picking their friends.

That’s literally what happens when you pick a school.

Your children must be very young. Mine is going to homecoming in a big group tonight. She’s not a student at the school and the group has kids from different schools. It’s why schools have guest forms for dances. No, kids are not only friends with kids from their school. It’s common, especially in this area.

Well that’s not normal

It’s very normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a social group where other parents feel the way you do.

I don’t know any teenagers who want mommy picking their friends.

That’s literally what happens when you pick a school.

Your children must be very young. Mine is going to homecoming in a big group tonight. She’s not a student at the school and the group has kids from different schools. It’s why schools have guest forms for dances. No, kids are not only friends with kids from their school. It’s common, especially in this area.

Well that’s not normal

It’s very normal

+1. And proves the first pp has very young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.

No, that’s not how it goes. I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents. The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going. If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this. They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.

So let me get this straight. Mom was texting Jane and this made the friends drop her? Make it make sense. Also the leap from “you don’t let your kid on SM” to “you are super controlling” is bonkers. Are you the PO who let their 15 year old on Snapchat? Have you read any research on the subject of smartphones, social media, and developing brains?

You have it backwards. Jane’s mom is always texting Jane while the group is out and freaking out if they deviate from the plans, even a little. The other kids are over it and don’t want to hang out with Jane anymore outside of school and have stopped inviting her places because of her mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.

No, that’s not how it goes. I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents. The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going. If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this. They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.

So let me get this straight. Mom was texting Jane and this made the friends drop her? Make it make sense. Also the leap from “you don’t let your kid on SM” to “you are super controlling” is bonkers. Are you the PO who let their 15 year old on Snapchat? Have you read any research on the subject of smartphones, social media, and developing brains?

You have it backwards. Jane’s mom is always texting Jane while the group is out and freaking out if they deviate from the plans, even a little. The other kids are over it and don’t want to hang out with Jane anymore outside of school and have stopped inviting her places because of her mother.

DP, and I don't actually believe this story is truthful, but it's also irrelevant. This thread isn't about how much freedom you give kids to go out with friends. It's about access to social media. In your story, we don't even know if "Jane" has social media. She obviously has a phone, as her mom uses it to text her constantly as well as to track her location and hound her about it. So your story is about one kid who had a controlling mom who uses technology to control and limit her kid. It has nothing to do with social media.

Meanwhile, within that group of girls, I bet they have varying access to social media and that they gained that access at different times. At least that's how it is in my DD's group. Some parents are more limiting and some parents don't limit at all. It generally does not impact the fact of the girl's friendship, and if a friend for instance doesn't have a certain app (like my DD, who does not have access to TikTok and has only limited IG access through a heavily monitored account), they don't view it as an issue. When they make plans, they text, and all the girls have access to text/chat (as do all of the girls' parents).

Also, I don't think of the more restrictive parents at "controlling" nor the less restrictive parents as "lax." They are all great girls and I think the parents mostly share similar values. Rather, I think the girls are different and need different things, and there are varying parenting styles that give the girls what they need in different ways. At least so far, I don't see any behavior that would concern me or make me worry about my child's friendship with these girls, despite these differences in parenting approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.

No, that’s not how it goes. I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents. The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going. If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this. They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.

OP here. I’m not controlling at all. I want to limit the social media because I want my kid to engage in real life experiences as much as possible. Not online life.

Don’t listen to these posters OP who have let their kids run rampant because they are too scared to put limitations on their phone use. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I have told my kids no phones till 15 and no social media until 16 and that’s final. They have an Apple Watch for texting and also an iPad at home.

I have also banned Roblox in my house. My kids have a you tube account and they have access to you tube shorts for one hour everyday. Social media wrecks havoc on developing brains and by limiting it, we are doing our kids a big favor.

An HOUR of YouTube shorts every day and you think you’re protecting your kids? Are you somehow unaware that the YouTube short content is just slightly dated TikTok content (as are Insta reels).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.

No, that’s not how it goes. I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents. The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going. If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this. They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.

OP here. I’m not controlling at all. I want to limit the social media because I want my kid to engage in real life experiences as much as possible. Not online life.

Don’t listen to these posters OP who have let their kids run rampant because they are too scared to put limitations on their phone use. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I have told my kids no phones till 15 and no social media until 16 and that’s final. They have an Apple Watch for texting and also an iPad at home.

I have also banned Roblox in my house. My kids have a you tube account and they have access to you tube shorts for one hour everyday. Social media wrecks havoc on developing brains and by limiting it, we are doing our kids a big favor.

An HOUR of YouTube shorts every day and you think you’re protecting your kids? Are you somehow unaware that the YouTube short content is just slightly dated TikTok content (as are Insta reels).

You are so up to speed

[Anonymous]

Social media is here to stay.

The trick is to teach your children how to use it.

Once they go off to college or move out from your house they need experience understanding the good, bad & ugly.

That all said you own their phones until they start paying for them. However, taking away their phones for them not doing chores or some other thing that has nothing to do with social media is bad parenting. I also think if a kid has a phone I would check it periodically, it is not a diary.

Kids need to understand there is a time and place for phones and social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.

No, that’s not how it goes. I have a 15 yo and they have a friend, Jane, who has now become a school friend. She is nice girl and they all like her but they stopped inviting her places because of her super controlling parents. The girls are 14 and 15.

Mom couldn’t let go, checking in constantly about who is where and what they are doing and where they are going. If you are this nuts over apps and social media you are also like this. They will not be reaching out separately on text to include your kid when they are all making plans on whatever app they are using.

So let me get this straight. Mom was texting Jane and this made the friends drop her? Make it make sense. Also the leap from “you don’t let your kid on SM” to “you are super controlling” is bonkers. Are you the PO who let their 15 year old on Snapchat? Have you read any research on the subject of smartphones, social media, and developing brains?

You have it backwards. Jane’s mom is always texting Jane while the group is out and freaking out if they deviate from the plans, even a little. The other kids are over it and don’t want to hang out with Jane anymore outside of school and have stopped inviting her places because of her mother.

DP, and I don't actually believe this story is truthful, but it's also irrelevant. This thread isn't about how much freedom you give kids to go out with friends. It's about access to social media. In your story, we don't even know if "Jane" has social media. She obviously has a phone, as her mom uses it to text her constantly as well as to track her location and hound her about it. So your story is about one kid who had a controlling mom who uses technology to control and limit her kid. It has nothing to do with social media.

Meanwhile, within that group of girls, I bet they have varying access to social media and that they gained that access at different times. At least that's how it is in my DD's group. Some parents are more limiting and some parents don't limit at all. It generally does not impact the fact of the girl's friendship, and if a friend for instance doesn't have a certain app (like my DD, who does not have access to TikTok and has only limited IG access through a heavily monitored account), they don't view it as an issue. When they make plans, they text, and all the girls have access to text/chat (as do all of the girls' parents).

Also, I don't think of the more restrictive parents at "controlling" nor the less restrictive parents as "lax." They are all great girls and I think the parents mostly share similar values. Rather, I think the girls are different and need different things, and there are varying parenting styles that give the girls what they need in different ways. At least so far, I don't see any behavior that would concern me or make me worry about my child's friendship with these girls, despite these differences in parenting approach.

Okay. You certainly posted a long reply to a story that you believe to be made up so there is no point in responding. You have it figured out. And I guess it’s not relevant anyway, right?

[Anonymous]

Imma dog imma mutt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Social media is here to stay.

The trick is to teach your children how to use it.

Once they go off to college or move out from your house they need experience understanding the good, bad & ugly.

That all said you own their phones until they start paying for them. However, taking away their phones for them not doing chores or some other thing that has nothing to do with social media is bad parenting. I also think if a kid has a phone I would check it periodically, it is not a diary.

Kids need to understand there is a time and place for phones and social media.

So is cocaine.

[Anonymous]

I know this is extreme, but the web browser is blocked on my 14 yo’s phone (after addictive YouTube watching - I should’ve blocked it sooner). Apps come to me for approval. It hasn’t been a big and helped the situation.

Perfect system? No, but it definitely helps and was honestly a relief for my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find a social group where other parents feel the way you do.

You can hang around parents that feel the way you do but your teens will choose their own friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my 13 year old daughter that she is not allowed to have a social media account until she is 16. She doesn’t have a phone yet (waiting untill age 14).

I can enforce the no phone rule easily by not buying her a phone, but how do I enforce the no social media when she has access to computers and can make a TikTok or Ig account anytime?

You can block it on their screen time settings and also you can buy a device you set up to your home WiFi and then a vpn fiction in the phone you want to block certain apps or categories. I use “Circle” it has worked well. My child might open an account on a friend’s phone or the like but has zero access on her phone(no matter where she is), and no access to SM on any device in our home. I set it up so it is impossible to remove the circle app on her phone so there is no way for her to get around the setting like some kids find ways with screen time. Good luck. Worth the hassle to protect her brain and wellbeing. My daughter is 15 and she doesn’t mind it. She does have Snapchat only on the phone but it locks after a certain amount of use. No mindless scrolling. Also the phone is never allowed on her bedroom. It helps to set the rules from the start but even though I reeled back her use she is happy to not have constant access and has mentioned how she sees some friends who don’t even watch a complete movie because they aren’t used to sitting and not scrolling at home as a way to relax.

[Anonymous]

Parents need to be more concerned about social media use and unsafe tech in teens. These parents who say “it’s fine” are ignorant to the tons of research showing the devastating harms of social media to teens mental health, social skills, and cognitive functioning.

Parents can control screens more at home and on parent issued devices. School issued devices within FCPS have terrible tech controls. Students know how to access social media and banned sites on school computers. They use proxy servers. FCPS filters and tech controls are very poor quality. More money and effort should be spent on tech safety and appropriate tech use. Kids also use school Gmail, Google docs, and slides to cyberbully, send nudes, sextortion, and more.

Hold off on social media as long as possible. Snapchat and TikTok are the worst. Surveillance software like BARK can connect to social media accounts on Samsungs. Follow the podcast and Instagram accounts “scrolling2Death” which focuses on tech safety.