Enforcing no social media rule

[Anonymous]

I told my 13 year old daughter that she is not allowed to have a social media account until she is 16. She doesn’t have a phone yet (waiting untill age 14).

I can enforce the no phone rule easily by not buying her a phone, but how do I enforce the no social media when she has access to computers and can make a TikTok or Ig account anytime?

[Anonymous]

You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

I’m happy with anything after 14, the later the better. TikTok is the worst in my opinion. I don’t want her on that one at all.

[Anonymous]

[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

I’m happy with anything after 14, the later the better. TikTok is the worst in my opinion. I don’t want her on that one at all.

Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

I’m happy with anything after 14, the later the better. TikTok is the worst in my opinion. I don’t want her on that one at all.

That will be the hardest to ban though. They make them everywhere. I really don’t think it’s that harmful if they are just doing some dances together. It’s not all bad. Have you seen it? Maybe start with 14, an app at a time with your controls and see how it goes. It might be okay if she’s in a dance with a friend on their account occasionally when she’s an older teen.

That seems to work better than saying nothing. A little at a time, year by year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

I’m happy with anything after 14, the later the better. TikTok is the worst in my opinion. I don’t want her on that one at all.

Why?

The algorithm makes it incredibly addictive and easy to go down a rabbit hole

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

I’m happy with anything after 14, the later the better. TikTok is the worst in my opinion. I don’t want her on that one at all.

Why?

The algorithm makes it incredibly addictive and easy to go down a rabbit hole

Yes its algorithm is "better" than the others at keeping your eyeballs glued which means more exteme and divisive content slowly fed to you. Its a china psych op. Imo. And now a projecr 2025 psych op (new partial owners).

[Anonymous]

My kids wont be on it. Yes they mightvmake an ig account on a computer but theyll then be on it 1/100 the time then if it was on thier phone.

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP. I wish more parents would do this. Don't let her use a computer in her room at night. (She should do homework downstairs in the family area.) Check the history on the computer and have a conversation with her if you see concerning patterns. Sneaking a little TikTok here and there is not a big deal. But the hours and hours and hours of wasted life of some teens is a terrible problem.

[Anonymous]

If you forbid it, she will sneak it and if she gets in trouble, she won't feel safe discussing it with you. Alternatively, you can discuss with her why she wants it, your concerns, and figure out how to meet both of your concerns. This can then be an ongoing conversation, as she uses social media under your guidance and both your and her concerns change.

[Anonymous]

Get a device that doesn’t allow it. Gabb, pinwheel, bark.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[list]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t and a complete ban until she is 16 is unrealistic. She will be in HS and might want to join a club or be on a sports team. Social media is used.

Even if you somehow have the one kid who listens to your rules and doesn’t create one of her own, you can’t stop her from being in friends Tik Toks. Do you care about that too?

I’m happy with anything after 14, the later the better. TikTok is the worst in my opinion. I don’t want her on that one at all.

Why?

The algorithm makes it incredibly addictive and easy to go down a rabbit hole

Yes its algorithm is "better" than the others at keeping your eyeballs glued which means more exteme and divisive content slowly fed to you. Its a china psych op. Imo. And now a projecr 2025 psych op (new partial owners).

It’s not any worse than Instagram or Snap. I promise. (None are great, not arguing that, but TikTok isn’t “worse.”) All are addictive and have algorithms to keep you hooked.

[Anonymous]

I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

[Anonymous]

Just make sure you don’t get her a smartphone. Otherwise you have no control. There are plenty of good parent controlled options now. Or a dumb phone (but then you won’t know about inappropriate texting and photos and the like).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like you. But I saw my 14 year old suffering because was not in the social mix as he didn’t know what was happening. Not being on snap meant he was not included in the spontaneous gatherings. So I allowed it, with a bit of moderation and solid rules around the phone in general. Then he began enjoying his social life in person with friends. I don’t like snap. But it was a trade off. Fairly sure it was the right call.

Rigid thinking in parenting rarely pays off when the situation requires a more nuanced view. Our relationship with each other, and his relationship with his phone, are both reasonably healthy as a result.

This is so effed. Why are parents so weak and kids lack character now? If people actually like your kid they will text.