Sleepovers are making me lose my sanity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But my tween acts like she’s aggrieved if we say no to them. She has three friends, all in our neighborhood, and they want to have sleepovers constantly. I’m a single mom and for me, they are very overstimulating. I feel like I have to be “on” and can’t relax like normal. It’s also stressful thinking of providing food and snacks that four girls will all like, so no one goes hungry on my watch. I can’t explain it, it’s just high stress. She had a sleepover two weeks ago and one last week, and I said no to one this week and she claims I’m ruining her social life. I just can’t do this every week, and there are still nearly two months of summer left. It makes me not even want to host kids for just the day! How can I help her understand that it’s not that I don’t want her socializing, but that it’s a lot of responsibility for ME, and I need a break.

At that age I had sleepovers with my friends every weekend. And no parents were ever "on." They left food or money for pizza, got a few movies from blockbuster, and then either went out or did their thing at home. Done. What's the problem? This is not that hard. And, yes, they are important for their social life at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a happy medium with allowing your kids to have a social life and keeping your sanity. In the end, both are important for your kids’ well being (and obviously your own).

It’s okay to say no sleepovers and reevaluate your capacity in a couple of months. In the meantime, you can offer a movie night or whatever. Permission to set boundaries while still showing love!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

I know you think you're being clever in response to that but you're being rude. It was just a word of caution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

It's not necessarily saying no to sleepovers but it was the stern tone that PP took. I am a single parent who says no to sleepovers in my house because I have a small house, sleep terribly and need the time to unwind. When kids are over, it takes over the house. BUT I 100% reciprocate the sleepover invites my kids get in other ways. My house is an open door--until about 8pm lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Four girls. One sleepover a week. They each rotate. One sleepover per month at your house.

That’s easy for me to say but the parents have to be on board too and apparently they aren’t.

Point out that she is 1/4 of the group and you are hosting 1/4 of the time. You are doing your part. She can be mad at the parents who aren’t found their part, but don’t complain about it in public.

She will push back because you have hosted more in the past. Tell her that you’re starting to burn out on sleepovers, and you’re trying to hold on until the end of summer. If she continues to complain and stress you out, you’ll be too stressed out to host even once a month. Then stick to it. If she chooses to complain about your inability to host more than your share, you will be too stressed to host the next time you agreed to. Postpone it until the next free weekend.

The most important thing is to stick to whatever consequence you lay out. She’s supposed to push boundaries and it’s your job to hold the line. She’ll be very unhappy the first time you have to cancel. Stay calm. She’ll learn to respect your boundaries if you enforce them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you OP--I hate hosting sleepovers, even if its just one other child. I want to relax on weekend mornings, not have to care for extra kids. I would tell her they have to rotate. She gets one a month but it has to be planned in advance. I hate it when we are hanging at the pool in the evening and my kid asks if they can have a sleepover that night in front of the other kid(s). If I am somewhat prepared for it, it's more likely to happen.

I also much prefer to drop friends late at night. They hang out, watch a movie, have some snacks and I would be more than glad to drive their friends home at 10/11pm.

Tell your kids that they shouldn't do that! The one time my kids did that I told them no and also told them it was an automatic no if they ever did it again.

+1 My kid learned the hard way not to use this tactic with me.

+1
My kids know this is an automatic no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

But the weird way she was like 'when they go to college they can do what they like!' Well, yeah, they'll be ADULTS.

[Anonymous]

There seems to be a shift to no sleepovers, possibly they are only permitted to have them at your place as you are a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Families do prefer allowing sleepovers at single moms home. For sure it makes us feel safer especially if there are no brothers there too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Families do prefer allowing sleepovers at single moms home. For sure it makes us feel safer especially if there are no brothers there too.

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

Of its controlling. Wtf?
And I disagree they aren’t essential. They’re common in the US and not only a social thing, but a way to cut the apron strings a bit.

You all are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DD is very lucky. At our house, there are zero sleepovers. We do not host them ever. Our DC are not allowed to attend them elsewhere. When they go away to college, then they can choose. Not on my watch.

As an adult child of a very controlling mother who made socializing near impossible, your post makes me sad. FWIW, once I left home, I never looked back. Spoke to my mother maybe every few months, told her nearly nothing about my life, because she always disapproved of any choice I made. Be careful how you control your kids.

It’s not controlling to say no to sleepovers. Your issues with your mother go way deeper than sleepovers.

OP, it’s fine to say no, anytime. Sleepovers are not essential to a heathy social life.

Of its controlling. Wtf?
And I disagree they aren’t essential. They’re common in the US and not only a social thing, but a way to cut the apron strings a bit.

You all are insane.

Agree - the responses here are completely unhinged.