Adoption Not working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Military school.

Military schools don't want your mentally ill problem child. They don't work that way.

Yes they do. States all around the country run therapeutic military high schools, called ChalleNGe Academy (NG = National Guard).

https://freestatemil.maryland.gov/about-us/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hospitalize her.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you have much choice, OP.

Just a reality check here. Hospitals are for short term stabilization and last only a few days.

Up to 3 months.

https://www.sandstonecare.com/locations/maryland-teen-rehab/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hospitalize her.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you have much choice, OP.

Just a reality check here. Hospitals are for short term stabilization and last only a few days.

Up to 3 months.

https://www.sandstonecare.com/locations/maryland-teen-rehab/

That’s not hospitalization. It’s residential treatment. They are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents adopted my sister at age 7 in the 70's. She had been neglected - her drug addicted mother left her home alone at age 4 to babysit 2 younger brothers ages 1&2. All three were with a foster family from age 4-7, then the family adopted the youngest boy and said they couldn't take my sister and the older boy.

She was "fine" until about age 12, which is also when my parents divorced. She never was able to trust and truly bond with anyone and basically did not have a conscience. She was a nightmare until age 15 - lying, stealing and very violent. I was a commuter college student and would hide the kitchen knives every night. Sometimes I came home and she had my mom pinned to the ground and wouldn't let her go.

My (divorced) parents sued the state adoption agency and won in court. The state had neuro testing done that showed issues but they never informed my parents. So they wasted 5 years not getting treatment.

The state was ordered to pay $30K per year for a special residential school (this was in early 80's). She was there for 3 years and they did "fix" her.

She married at 19 and they are still married. She became a vet tech and has been a socially responsible person.

Several other families in my parents local adoptive group also adopted older kids. Everyone dealt with the same issues. One kid tried to burn down their house, another tried to stab the mother. My sister's 2 brothers have been in prison for decades for drugs and other crimes.

I believe the term now is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Oprah did a show on these types of kids decades ago that I saw and I said - that's my sister!

Regular counseling is not going to help. You need to find local professionals who can steer you into solutions for RAD. It's probably going to involve institutional care. Hopefully you have funds to pay for it.

I am so sorry for what your family went through. And I am so impressed with their commitment. As hard as the road was, this is an amazing success story and your family is unbelievable.

This is something parents go through with a child with mental illness or other reasons. You can’t return your child due to a “defect “ whether you gave birth or adopted her. She’s your child.

I don’t think too many kids in this situation would have a normal test result. I’m surprised she wasn’t tested at school including a complete neuro work up. Your mother should have insisted when she started having difficulty. The recommendation would probably be a residential school. I’m glad they got her help before it got too bad.

Actually you can. Adoptions can be overturned children can be rehomed. And schools aren’t going to do a complete neuro work up.

They aren’t overturned. It’s just a new adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...I don’t think the sister’s story is accurate. It doesn’t make sense. Schools do a neuropsych test (the better schools do) to assess the child’s strengths and weaknesses with regard to learning. There is no testing to predict mental health diagnoses. It’s not like epilepsy.

You don't think my (the older sister) story is accurate? Do you really think public schools in the mid 70s were doing neuropsych tests on kids who presented as normal? Remember, my sister behaved "normal" from age 7 to 12. It was only when she started acting out at age 12 that my mother requested the state adoption agency's records and learned that the state had a neuro workup that indicated issues. That is how my parents won their lawsuit against the state for the state to pay for residential treatment. I think there is a blurring between neuropsych findings and mental health issues - probably one and the same, when you are talking about neglecting and abusing a 3 yo who doesn't get adopted until age 7. But I was also 19 and am now reporting from the memory of person on the sidelines who was trying to make sense of a crazy, scary, stressful situation.

This isn’t about you or her. If adopted in foster care, child had Medicaid and it will pay.

[Anonymous]

That's totally normal for that age

[Anonymous]

I didn’t thoroughly read every post but I didn’t see fetal alcohol syndrome mentioned. The child may not have experienced abuse but alcohol or drug exposure (not always obvious) can cause learning disabilities when young but severe behavior issues (physical and sexual) in the teen years.

I know several families who experienced this. Treatment differs from RAD and there are specialists who treat teens (can’t recall the name of a well known doctor in DMV).

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Military school.

Military schools don't want your mentally ill problem child. They don't work that way.

Yes they do. States all around the country run therapeutic military high schools, called ChalleNGe Academy (NG = National Guard).

https://freestatemil.maryland.gov/about-us/

Not for mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hospitalize her.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound like you have much choice, OP.

Just a reality check here. Hospitals are for short term stabilization and last only a few days.

Up to 3 months.

https://www.sandstonecare.com/locations/maryland-teen-rehab/

That’s not hospitalization. It’s residential treatment. They are different.

You need hospitalization and stabilization before a program will take a child. Most don’t get the process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two more years and she will be 18 and then you can cut all ties.

I wouldn’t blame a kid for being violent or hostile if this was the attitude shown by the “parents”. These are human beings not property that can be returned when you change your kind wtf.

[Anonymous]

I was under the impression that adoption agencies do a good job in educating and evaluating families that want to adopt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was under the impression that adoption agencies do a good job in educating and evaluating families that want to adopt.

Even with education, I think some experiences are too extreme that you just can’t imagine what it’s like or that it could happen to you. I mean people who know all of the horrible things that can happen to a biological child still go on to procreate because the desire outweighs the risk and they don’t believe it will happen to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was under the impression that adoption agencies do a good job in educating and evaluating families that want to adopt.

Even with education, I think some experiences are too extreme that you just can’t imagine what it’s like or that it could happen to you. I mean people who know all of the horrible things that can happen to a biological child still go on to procreate because the desire outweighs the risk and they don’t believe it will happen to them.

This family has had the children for 10 years. There must be some abuse going on if an 11 year old starts to run away.


Your analogy is weak. In adoption a child gets a better home.
I would bet that it could even be that the adoptive parents failed to bond with the kids, not RAD

[Anonymous]

Am I understanding this correctly. A couple adopted 2 kids, 5 and 6 years old. Now 10 years later the kids are teenagers and the adoptive parents want out?

Bad teenagers are the result of bad parenting, not the fault of the adoption or the child