What's your judgmental relationship opinion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women who call their DH hubs or hubby.

Men who call their wife babe or my old lady.

Agree, and I’d like to add men who call their wives “my bride.” It just sounds so silly to me when people have been married 20, 30, 40 and more years. And I’ve never heard a woman call her husband “my groom.” Take that for what it’s worth.

[Anonymous]

Separate finances is sometimes the prudent thing to do, so I don't judge that.

I judge the hell out of tradwives and their controlling, creepy husbands, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm judgy about married couples that maintain separate finances.

I found out a close friend of mine does this. They have multiple kids and have been together for many years. I think it’s genius!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Separate finances is sometimes the prudent thing to do, so I don't judge that.

I judge the hell out of tradwives and their controlling, creepy husbands, though.

Possibly, but it definitely says something about the marriage and the type of commitment the couple feels toward each other. I can see feeling judgey about it and avoiding that type of marriage for oneself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm judgy about married couples that maintain separate finances.

Me too, unless one of them is super irresponsible and it’s to protect the family resources.

I’m also judgy of many/most divorces. Unless there is abuse, stay for the kids and find a way to live in peace. That’s what a vow means.

Hate to break it to you but people don’t always air the real reason for divorce.

There was abuse in mine. But if you ask me and I don’t know you well, I’d probably say something blah because my kids still see their father half the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Vow renewals. Just why?

My MIL wants to do a vow renewal after 50-something years. In her case, I think it's because they got married really young - they were broke at the time. Now they have money, are really established in their lives - and I think they want to bring all the people they care about together for another big celebration. (Esp the people - BIL and his family - who always have a reason why they can't travel with them, or spend more time with them, or whatever; BIL lives close to them but somehow never gets credit for being nearby; we live far away but we travel with them sometimes and there seems to be less resentment.) Also she just really enjoys planning and executing big parties!

So, a bit manipulative and also really earnest. I understand why they want to do it. If they do, we'll go unless we can't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think women who are still happily married after 20+ years are just wilfully ignoring their partner's flaws to be happy. I can't understand it. But none of the marriages in my extended family are or were happy so I clearly don't know anything.

Yes, this is right! This is how to live with another person - you have to be blind about some things. But it's not a bad thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Vow renewals. Just why?

My MIL wants to do a vow renewal after 50-something years. In her case, I think it's because they got married really young - they were broke at the time. Now they have money, are really established in their lives - and I think they want to bring all the people they care about together for another big celebration. (Esp the people - BIL and his family - who always have a reason why they can't travel with them, or spend more time with them, or whatever; BIL lives close to them but somehow never gets credit for being nearby; we live far away but we travel with them sometimes and there seems to be less resentment.) Also she just really enjoys planning and executing big parties!

So, a bit manipulative and also really earnest. I understand why they want to do it. If they do, we'll go unless we can't.

I actually think it is sweet to do this for an anniversary celebration for 50 or more years. They’re really celebrating their long marriage with a look back to the day they made those vows, but now with their children and grandchildren- who all exist because of this couple and their love. This sounds lovely to me.

[Anonymous]

I think anyone bringing a child into the world all by themselves on purpose (without a partner) is absolutely crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that divorced people who remarry or cohabitate with a new partner with kids are pathetic. Blending families while kids live at
Home is unnecessary and rarely successful.

+1
Selfish losers who don’t care about their kids

MUCH better to stray married and traumatize them by constant silent treatments, condescension, screaming fights, contempt, etc. Right? At least you're klassy by keeping it all in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think women who are still happily married after 20+ years are just wilfully ignoring their partner's flaws to be happy. I can't understand it. But none of the marriages in my extended family are or were happy so I clearly don't know anything.

Yes, this is right! This is how to live with another person - you have to be blind about some things. But it's not a bad thing.

Right, no human being is perfect. We all have flaws. Does PP think the only marriages that are happy are between perfect people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm judgy about married couples that maintain separate finances.

+1 unless it's a second marriage with kids, IMO separate finances mean you don't trust each other and have one foot out of the relationship to start with.

I give a pass to the 2nd marriage because you have to protect your kids and odds are 2nd marriages are more likely to fail anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge when people post Happy Anniversary, Happy Birthday, or Happy Mother's/Father's Day posts on social media. YOU LIVE WITH YOUR SPOUSE - JUST TELL THEM IN REAL PERSON. I am totally judging you for the fact that you need external validation of how great your marriage/spouse is. It's pathetic.

Agreed. I think that most people posting these messages feel very insecure in their marriages. Or they are cheating and trying to hide it.

+1 a few years ago I spent an evening with a friend who spent the whole time talking about how miserable she was in her marriage and was considering leaving. A couple days later she posted an over-the-top lovey dovey anniversary message on FB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm judgy about married couples that maintain separate finances.

Why? My DH and I have been happily married for 20 years. When we met I had been working for a few years and had my own money. It felt like compromising my independence to share everything. I certainly didn’t want him going over my credit card bills. Perhaps o was jaded given the experience some women in my family had with over controlling husbands. Anyway, years went by, we consider all of our money “ours” and one or the other pays for things as they come up, big expenses we tend to split. There is no accounting of who paid what. It works for us. That being said we make somewhat similar salaries.

[Anonymous]

I'm judgy about people who complain a lot about their spouses (or fight in front of other people more than an odd occasion) and also ones who brag a lot or go on too much about how great the spouse is. Something is wrong and you need to get real. No marriage is perfect or if it's so terrible, do something or break the complaining/public arguing habit.