When did your adult child start paying for your meal? Dutch?

[Anonymous]

I’m 45 and my mother has always paid. Now we usually split but that has only happened recently.

I hope I always pay for my kids!

[Anonymous]

This thread is weird. I mean we aren’t likely talking about the Inn at Little Washington I assume.

If your kids can’t afford to invite you to a casual meal somewhere, well there are bigger problems. At the same time, I don’t get why it is a flex to always pay for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

My parents don’t have a lot of money and I buy them a lot of things so they like to take us out for breakfast / lunch as a thank you. We pick a couple local spots that are very cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t expect my college aged kid to pay to take us out. We still pay and intend to for as long as we can. I love treating them!

[Anonymous]

Never!!!! When my dad (who is extremely wealthy) started parsing out the bill to the penny, looking back, it was a sign of his incipient mental illness. Again, because he is extremely well off and had always been so generous to us, his kids. Meanwhile, whenever I’m around my mom, I would never let her pay for anything, I know that she depends on every penny, and is very careful with her money, and I adore her treating her. My in-laws always treat us whenever we are out, but we love to pay for big ticket items whenever possible, like covering the cost of the hotels that we stayed at on our trip to Europe, the ferries in Greece, a house rental in the French alps, and a super nice night out that they never would’ve allowed themselves. My husband was recently in their house, he replaced their HVAC and did other repairs, he was Thrilled to be able to help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never!!!! When my dad (who is extremely wealthy) started parsing out the bill to the penny, looking back, it was a sign of his incipient mental illness. Again, because he is extremely well off and had always been so generous to us, his kids. Meanwhile, whenever I’m around my mom, I would never let her pay for anything, I know that she depends on every penny, and is very careful with her money, and I adore her treating her. My in-laws always treat us whenever we are out, but we love to pay for big ticket items whenever possible, like covering the cost of the hotels that we stayed at on our trip to Europe, the ferries in Greece, a house rental in the French alps, and a super nice night out that they never would’ve allowed themselves. My husband was recently in their house, he replaced their HVAC and did other repairs, he was Thrilled to be able to help.

This is how adults act! Sometimes parents treat you and sometimes you treat them. You don’t go literally Dutch in the moment. It’s just how prosperous people conduct their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still paying for my kids meals, they are in college. When did they take you out and how often ? Or do you just go dutch with your kids?

Its a bit unfair to expect that before they finish college and gain a proper professional job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

What is wrong with you? No one said they can’t afford lunch, I would just never dream of letting them pay. I’m not sure why this irks you so much, it’s a bizarre thing you’ve grasped onto.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll always wrestle with them for the bill

I love buying for them

This is my parents. But when they visit us and we get takeout etc we pay obviously. We have also done joint vacations where we booked a bunch of things and we don't ask to be paid back. Basically it's very fluid / we don't keep track with family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".

This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty.

My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them.

Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids.

It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues.

I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost?

Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food?

Why are your kids such losers they can’t afford to buy you a meal or gift every now and then?

Wanting to treat my kids =/= kids being losers.

Sorry you’re too poor to buy your own panera and need your child to fund your life.

Try again…since both us parents and our kids have $$$s and are successful, we don’t need to buy our kids lunch so that they have “money for them and their children”.

Your words…apparently your grandkids are going to starve if your own kids buy you a sandwich.

lol! You’re so insecure about this. You do you boo, I’m happy my kids are spending their money on themselves rather than buying me lunch when I can clearly afford it myself.

Good for you…glad you are secure in the fact your kids can’t afford a lunch.

Just curious…when they go out with their adult friends, do they need those friends to pay for them as well?

Or do they only go to restaurants when mommy takes them?

What is wrong with you? No one said they can’t afford lunch, I would just never dream of letting them pay. I’m not sure why this irks you so much, it’s a bizarre thing you’ve grasped onto.

Refer to the PP above who understands how prosperous families operate.

Sometimes we treat, sometimes the kids treat…you know, like prosperous adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still paying for my kids meals, they are in college. When did they take you out and how often ? Or do you just go dutch with your kids?

We split it or one side pays if it’s a special occasion for the other.

Once spouses and grandkids enter the picture we definitely split it. We try to pay it forward but then it gets imbalanced with the adult kids who don’t have 1-3 kids, etc.

We like to gift time share units. Every time we go somewhere we book three large units, email out the details and 1-2 of our kids families try to make it. As their kids get to middle school they have more narrow travel times. So we are mindful of that too.