When did your adult child start paying for your meal? Dutch?
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Anonymous
| My FIL always pays. I let him, it makes him happy and he has the money. My mom, on the other hand, has a limited income and I try to treat her or go Dutch if she insists. That said, I’m almost 50. I can’t imagine a time I wouldn’t pay for my kids if I had the means. |
Anonymous
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I am 50 and my parents always pay. It is in our family culture. Before that, my grandparents paid when they were still alive. There is still an argument over the bill. In order to pay, we need to expressly arrange it beforehand. I will pay for my kids as adults too. It is nice tradition.
On the other hand, my in laws never pay and I find it really strange and frankly off-putting (it is not a financial concern). |
Anonymous
| Roughly (very roughly) we take turns paying in my family. |
Anonymous
| Both my parents and my in-laws always pay and I will (hopefully) always pay for my children. |
Anonymous
| We pay 90% of the time and our kids are in their 30s. They are great kids, we can afford it so I’m happy to pay. |
Anonymous
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It's weird how many people answer in terms of "we can afford it" or "I want my kids to save their money".
This isn't dinner at Inn at Little Washington and your kids are in their 30s. I gather they can afford to pay for a meal and it won't mean they live their elderly years in poverty. My kids are younger and if they want to pick up the tab at Panera for the family (every now and then)...well good for them. |
Anonymous
| I pay for my parents and ILs now. But they paid for us when we were in grad school and early in our marriage. I dont remember when things changed but around when they retired, I think. |
Anonymous
Different families have different traditions and customs. If you want your kids to pay for your food, that's your business. Not all of us want that, or want our kids to have to worry about this kind of thing. My mom will always want to pay for me, because even when I turn 70, I'll still be her baby. Same to my kids. |
Anonymous
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My parents always try to pay but my DH often grabs the check first. I’d say it’s close to 50/50 but my parents paid for the vast majority of the last 20 years.
My DH’s parents never pay. Sometimes they offer but conveniently go to the bathroom when the check comes or when it’s time to order the takeout. It is what it is. Awkward and imbalanced but the norm for our family. |
Anonymous
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in our family, the older generation pays for all outings and events, like restaurant dinners, concerts or shows. That said, while my dad pays for all of these things that he is able to participate in, I order and pay for all of his groceries and buy him pretty much everything he needs for his apartment. He likes to pay for events, but is past the stage where he can pay bills independently. For me, it’s all about his feeling that he is still able to treat the family to special things while he’s in failing health and not able to get around her easily.
As for our kids, I would plan to pay for all events and any hotels I booked for travel. If they needed help with other stuff, we’d also pay. Our goal overall is to push as much financial support to the next generation as possible tax-free. Also, as a family, we just don’t exchange money among ourselves, so it really comes down to who books events, and that tends to be me. We are very lucky financially, though, which makes this easier and is not some thing that , I would think would be everyone’s approach. |
Anonymous
It's not about wanting or not wanting...it's just peanuts in terms of $$$s. If your 30-year old kid has to "worry" about taking you out to a casual dinner every now and then, well your kid has many bigger issues. I mean, do you not accept gifts from your kids because you "worry" about the cost? |
Anonymous
| My dad always wants to pay for my sis and me and our spouses and kids when we're eating out. We've learned to just let him do it, because he gets unpleasant if we try to pay. I think it's because he grew up in a poor family, is very proud that he did well, and much prefers the feeling of being the one who treats rather than looking like he is dependent on or beholden to anyone else. |
Anonymous
| We generally pay as the DC usually has the travel expenses to travel home. What DC does occasionally is make arrangements so we never see the bill or take us out to something special DC plans. This began with the first job after college. We were surprised this early but happy DC can and wants to take care for us in turn. |
Anonymous
Actually yes! I still buy them gifts but have told them not to spend their money on me. Is wanting your children to keep their money for themselves (and their children) really that foreign to you? Why do you need your children to buy you gifts and food? |
Anonymous
| I'm 50 and my parents still pay. They are rich. |