How to ask Nanny if she'd be willing to go part time

[Anonymous]

TLDR: keep the nanny full time. When your kids inevitably bring illness from school you will appreciate having an extra adult. Also for all the breaks.

[Anonymous]

Just let her go. You really think there kids will be easy when you have a full time nanny.

[Anonymous]

Dear OP, I know you are hormonal and so I say this with all the kindness of a mother with three kids who are a bit older than yours. Three is NOT two. I know you said you never let the nanny touch your second baby but please trust me that’s not setting up realistic expectations. Your kids will NEED you, they will get sick, two kids is more than one and three is 100% more than two, trust me. You seem to be able to afford this wonderful nanny so keep her. Especially since you want her once you return to work. And yes SAHP do this alone a lot too, but it’s not easy and if you can keep the nanny do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just to clarify, I never expect her to live on part time hours and pay. I would help her find another family who needed mornings and see if she could still come to us in the afternoon.

I hear all the comments about wanting her when the baby is here. But I typically don’t have a nanny even touch the baby the whole time I’m on mat leave. That is my bonding time with the new baby and my responsibility, being off work. The day I go back to work is the day the nanny cares for that baby for the first time. This is what I did with my second.

Part of me hopes I won’t go back to my job after my mat leave. I would love to scale back part time then too. But I just don’t know how I’ll feel then. Another reason I am hesitant to shell out $1000+ a week, even though we do love her.

I just don’t know what to do.

Except now, you also have 2 older kids to think about, and who you also need to spend some quality time with.

3 hours will not fly. Try to see if there is another family in the neighborhood who may need temporary care. It will also depend on what the nanny is willing to do.

At some point, I had a neighbor’s nanny come help with laundry / food prep, during those hours. But I didn’t need 5 hours daily.

You’re cutting her hours by over 60%, which is massive. It’s one thing to say, we won’t need you full time, so you’ll need to find 30% elsewhere, and completely different to say that she needs now to find 60% elsewhere with no clear plan or timeline.

This just will not work. She’ll just look for a family with a new baby on the way or small kids who will seem like a more reliable job.

Also, take note, that finding specifically someone for the hours you mention is very difficult, and if you end up letting go your nanny and finding someone part time, you’d end up paying the part time person probably double the rate you pay your current nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP, I know you are hormonal and so I say this with all the kindness of a mother with three kids who are a bit older than yours. Three is NOT two. I know you said you never let the nanny touch your second baby but please trust me that’s not setting up realistic expectations. Your kids will NEED you, they will get sick, two kids is more than one and three is 100% more than two, trust me. You seem to be able to afford this wonderful nanny so keep her. Especially since you want her once you return to work. And yes SAHP do this alone a lot too, but it’s not easy and if you can keep the nanny do it.

Agree 100%. Children need stability. This should be your highest priority.

[Anonymous]

Also, op, if you really feel like you may quit work after maternity leave, then it makes sense to just let the nanny go. Put the kids in aftercare till 4:30 or so since they seem school age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just to clarify, I never expect her to live on part time hours and pay. I would help her find another family who needed mornings and see if she could still come to us in the afternoon.

I hear all the comments about wanting her when the baby is here. But I typically don’t have a nanny even touch the baby the whole time I’m on mat leave. That is my bonding time with the new baby and my responsibility, being off work. The day I go back to work is the day the nanny cares for that baby for the first time. This is what I did with my second.

Part of me hopes I won’t go back to my job after my mat leave. I would love to scale back part time then too. But I just don’t know how I’ll feel then. Another reason I am hesitant to shell out $1000+ a week, even though we do love her.

I just don’t know what to do.

Why would she do this? Add another family along with yours? What happens on sick days to the 20 school Holidays? Or summer? Will you expect her to only be with you? Get an Au pair or keep her full time.

[Anonymous]

NO ONE will want to work M-F 1:30-4:30 only. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

It’s really weird that you don’t even want your nanny to touch your baby.

[Anonymous]

Op, if you are going to eventually need nanny care for your baby, it is insane to consider letting the nanny go. INSANE. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a great, reliable nanny that meshes with your family and your kids love? SO hard.

Turn the role in to a nanny/household manager role until you need full time baby care.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

For filling her hours - if your kids are just starting school they will be sick a lot - estimate 3 days/months for that.
If you are unlucky and get a colicky newborn, you will appreciate someone to hold the baby for a couple of hours to get a break. There will be no outings with the baby to the store in that case!


As to your other questions - I don't think you are being cruel or selfish, just unrealistic. Even broaching the subject is risky. Because you are risking not being able to go back to work after leave because you don't have trusted child care in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

Stop it. You do not love her. You don’t, so stop saying that.

Since you don’t want her, just cut her completely. That would be love. Love is letting her go so she can find full-time employment with another family, and probably at a higher wage . Because saying you love her, but expecting her to live on a part-time salary is not love.

This means you will need to find a new nanny in whatever your next timeframe is. Your current nanny will probably find a better paying job. Just know that you will have an extremely hard time finding somebody to work those unicorn hours you’re looking for. You could probably handle it on your own. I mean that sincerely, that’s what many women do so you will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Filling her time:

8-9AM: take older kids to school while you take care of baby, or stay home while baby sleeps so you can walk the kids to school

9-10AM: clean up breakfast mess and tidy toys

10-1pm: various tasks (laundry for newborns is never-ending, grocery shopping, meal prep, holding baby so you can shower)

1:30-4:30PM: pick up siblings from school, fix after school snack, keep kids entertained or take care of baby while you do something with the kids

Also, as others have pointed out, you'd be paying a higher rate for part-time work. I suggest you sit down with a spreadsheet and compare the price of a PT vs FT nanny, plus the potential raised costs of hiring a new nanny if you decide to let her go and need to find a new nanny after mat leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

You continue to miss the point. You are not paying her for those 8 months, you are paying her so you can continue to retain her services for the 5 years after that. If you don't want to do that, that's fine. But you have to be realistic, and understand that's what you are doing.