How to ask Nanny if she'd be willing to go part time

[Anonymous]

OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

For filling her hours - if your kids are just starting school they will be sick a lot - estimate 3 days/months for that.
If you are unlucky and get a colicky newborn, you will appreciate someone to hold the baby for a couple of hours to get a break. There will be no outings with the baby to the store in that case!


As to your other questions - I don't think you are being cruel or selfish, just unrealistic. Even broaching the subject is risky. Because you are risking not being able to go back to work after leave because you don't have trusted child care in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

Stop it. You do not love her. You don’t, so stop saying that.

Since you don’t want her, just cut her completely. That would be love. Love is letting her go so she can find full-time employment with another family, and probably at a higher wage . Because saying you love her, but expecting her to live on a part-time salary is not love.

This means you will need to find a new nanny in whatever your next timeframe is. Your current nanny will probably find a better paying job. Just know that you will have an extremely hard time finding somebody to work those unicorn hours you’re looking for. You could probably handle it on your own. I mean that sincerely, that’s what many women do so you will be just fine.

[Anonymous]

Filling her time:

8-9AM: take older kids to school while you take care of baby, or stay home while baby sleeps so you can walk the kids to school

9-10AM: clean up breakfast mess and tidy toys

10-1pm: various tasks (laundry for newborns is never-ending, grocery shopping, meal prep, holding baby so you can shower)

1:30-4:30PM: pick up siblings from school, fix after school snack, keep kids entertained or take care of baby while you do something with the kids

Also, as others have pointed out, you'd be paying a higher rate for part-time work. I suggest you sit down with a spreadsheet and compare the price of a PT vs FT nanny, plus the potential raised costs of hiring a new nanny if you decide to let her go and need to find a new nanny after mat leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

You continue to miss the point. You are not paying her for those 8 months, you are paying her so you can continue to retain her services for the 5 years after that. If you don't want to do that, that's fine. But you have to be realistic, and understand that's what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to fill her time OP. You just have to pay her for that time in order to keep her. I was a Nanny for 7 years for one family. The last 3 years of that the kids were in school all day. They did not try and fill my time. But they knew I was available for sick days, holidays, summer, spring break etc…. It was worth it to them to not have to stress about days off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

But you say that you only want your nanny to be part time for about 8 months, and then you'd want her to work for you full time again.
It will be hard enough to find another family who can use hours that completely revolve around YOUR schedule. If you are upfront with the fact that this arrangement will have to end next spring (which will seem like a random time because it's not the end/start of a school year or a calendar year) and you are basically eliminating all potential families. Or were you expecting your nanny to completely blindside this other family by quitting with them and returning full time to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to fill her time OP. You just have to pay her for that time in order to keep her. I was a Nanny for 7 years for one family. The last 3 years of that the kids were in school all day. They did not try and fill my time. But they knew I was available for sick days, holidays, summer, spring break etc…. It was worth it to them to not have to stress about days off.

This. since you have always had a nanny, you may not realize how often school-aged kids are home -- there are SO many days off throughout the year (the school year usually has 180 days of instruction, which is half of the year), and young kids will have lots of sick days.


I wonder if you actually want to be a SAHM mom, and that's the issue here -- you want to let this person go, and part of you wants to just never hire a nanny again. If so, own it, and let her go.

Trying to negotiate a part time (15 hours a week!) job is not a good deal of her. Her friends and family would advise her to quit and find another full-time family.

[Anonymous]

I think that you are severely underestimating how much help you will need. Maybe you should just be a SAHM and do it all yourself.

[Anonymous]

It’s confusing to me that you really think you couldn’t fill her time and that you don’t need this service at all.

You honestly think you’ll have zero need for childcare in those 8 months?

You don’t like the idea of being able to let her take the baby so you can spend time with your older kids undistracted (or Vice versa)? I recognize this may not be strictly necessary but it would definitely be useful to every mother I have ever known…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

Think about what you looking for -- another family that magically has 20ish hours of work for your nanny in a schedule that is the inverse of your needs, and that will then NOT NEED HER HELP starting in the spring. There is no other family on earch that will agree to this.

[Anonymous]

Your options are to let her go completely, or to keep her with full-time hours. You can be creative with the hours -- maybe she watches 2 kids at a time so you can have 1:1 time with each of your 3 children.

Everything else is a terrible deal for the other parties (the nanny and the other family).

[Anonymous]

What did you do your last mat leave? She came and watched kid #1 FT, right?

[Anonymous]

OP, as a practical matter, I think you will want to have full time help when you are home on maternity leave with third kid.

In the mean time - 4 hours a day while kids in school - clean the kids rooms/do laundry/ make dinner for you and your family + then 3 afternoon hours

Emergency days where kids are sick.

Once you are on leave- the newborn will be sleeping much of day- while baby is sleeping you can go to the gym, go for a walk, get pedicure, do whatever you need to do, or take a nap, and you can be there when baby is awake. Or spend quality time with other kids.

If you are looking for another family, then indemnify that option to her - say you will pay her regardless of whether that family works out - that you will then bill the other family/etc.

Also- she may ask for a raise with 3 kids!

At this point, if you need to save funds, it might be cheaper to get an au pair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Okay then, help me figure out how I would fill her time. Menu planning and grocery shopping takes what, two hours a week max? She does the kids laundry already, that's maybe another two-four hours. Running errands for me? The amount of time it would take me to think through the errands I have, describe them to her, then send her to do them is more work than just doing them on my own. Meanwhile, I'm home bored with a newborn and nothing to do, and not the one doing any tasks for the care and feeding of my own family.

I'm not trying to be cheap, I just truly don't understand how I would fill her time. And yes, MONEY DOES NOT GROW ON TREES. We are not filthy rich. We make a combined $250K or so. I can't believe everyone is assuming it's absolutely no big consideration to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for a service I do NOT NEED for a period of nearly 8 months.

Yes, I love her, yes, I realize how hard it is to find a new great nanny, no I don't want to have to do that to my kids if I can avoid it.

But are there literally no solutions here? What about having her only come to us maybe three days a week, and seeing if there's another family she could work for two days? I'm asking for help to consider all the options, and how to broach this with her, and it's amazing everyone is just focusing on how delusional, cheap and cruel I am to even ask.

You continue to miss the point. You are not paying her for those 8 months, you are paying her so you can continue to retain her services for the 5 years after that. If you don't want to do that, that's fine. But you have to be realistic, and understand that's what you are doing.

This, you don’t give up someone you love and trust. Can you go back to work part time? If you have her work for others there is a good chance she’ll leave. Are you ok taking that risk?