Shouldering more of the parenting/household work while DW is pregnant, and having mixed feelings about how it’s going

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this is one of the benefits of having more than 1 kid. You become more flexible out of necessity and realize what you can let go of.

I have 3 now and was definitely more uptight about how things had to be done with #1.

Now it’s all hands on deck, the goal is good enough not perfection, and my third (now age 2) has become a pleasant go with the flow kid.

So this may just be a good natural progression for you guys where DW learns to let the little stuff go (hopefully) and you feel empowered to step up more with the house/kids.

Also the first trimester of pregnancy is absolute misery so just be kind and don’t make any sweeping changes or accusations during this time. Continue to be supportive and let the addition of a second kid play itself out.

[Anonymous]

OP you are not actually taking on a “majority of the parenting tasks.” Not unless you can take over gestating the fetus.

I swear, men.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad you find it manageable OP. You're likely right that one rainy day isn't a big deal. 15 minutes shouldn't be the end of the world for a nap. Socks, well, crap happens. You are more laid back than your wife. However, she does it day in and day out. That makes a difference.

Maybe this can lead to a good discussion. Maybe she will see that it's OK if things go minimally off schedule. You have different personalities so naturally handle things differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not getting the child down at 1 versus 1:15 that your wife finds stressful, OP. It’s the downstream consequences. Like he won’t nap well or sleeps too long, and then tantrums all afternoon and evening, and then has trouble going to bed, and it’s all miserable. You haven’t been the primary parent long enough to have been responsible for him through all of that mess, so sure, it doesn’t bother you if he goes down a bit late. Grandparents are famous for having the same attitude you do. “What’s the big deal if she has only ice cream for lunch?!” And “it’s a special occasion, she can stay up a couple of hours late tonight!” Stick around for longer as the person who deals with it when the $&@? hits the fan, and you will see what the big deal is.

Exactly. And if OP is anything like my DH, it’s not actually the difference between 1 and 1:15. It’s that DH when I tell him at 1:15 and there’s no indication that he’s getting baby ready to nap, “DH, baby naps at 1 - are you going to put him down?” DH will respond nastily “Why are you so rigid about naps? It’s fine. He doesn’t need to nap.”

Yuck.

That’s how he “responds” to a reminder?

[Anonymous]

I wonder what OP’s wife was thinking, deciding to have a second child with such a prince.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the people roasting you have never lived with a person that has some form of OCD, anxiety, or autism (or a combination of these). It is seriously a relief to just do things without their rigidity. I can only recommend some kind of counseling for your wife or couples counseling to discuss this without being insensitive to each other's feelings.

I also think you need to come up with strategies that do not enable your wife's behavior. Like don't be a jerk, but don't give in so easily, either. It's hard. Your son will most likely inherit your wife's tendencies if she spends most of the time with him.

Anxiety and asd causes shutdown mode way more often than OCD mode.

That’s not what’s going on here.

Unclear if OP is just bragging about how he handled half a weekend w a toddler and nauseous wife or what.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of guys feel this way when they “take over” the daily tasks. What they don’t realize is that their wife does all of that plus create the infrastructure for those routines. Like I’m sure you have socks and shoes for you son, and toys and books around the house. She probably researched his nap times when he was little and got him on a schedule. She probably got the various sizes of clothes for him that changed every few months the first year plus all the diapers, feeding things, and now potty training gear. She probably looks up milestones and things about illness. Ok, you show up and do a nap and make dinner. It’s “easy.” Cool?

He was a plug and play Saturday sitter and now thinks parenting and managing a house and kids development is easy peasy. Hilarious.

Pretty much. The table below as set for him and he just went in there for a day like a paid Task Rabbit.