First grade son with behavioral challenges -- looking for school in northern Virginia/DC/Maryland

[Anonymous]

Hi Susan, did you find out any school for your son? I am no the same situation with my son. He is very smart, does not have a learning disability and is very sweet and charming when he is regulated. However, when he gets frustrated, he lashes out and becomes aggressive. He is 2e, but we havent been able to find any school that would fit his needs.

[Anonymous]

No OP, but a mom who has a very similar child. My apologies in advance for the long post that will probably go unnoticed this far back in an old thread, but in case Susan/OP and the above poster will read it, here we go.

I looked at all the school mentioned and bottom line, there are no schools in this area that have this combo (grade level or above academics combined with heavy behavioral support). Part of my son’s dysregulation would be caused by his being asked to do schoolwork that he was far beyond. Things like being asked to do an addition worksheet when he could already multiply fractions, reading simple sentences when he was reading long chapter novels, would frustrate him to no end, and when combined with his fine motor delays, just produced a nightmare scenario.

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how smart, kind, and lovable my son was when he was not upset, because when he was dysregulated he was a different person altogether-and he couldn’t control it at all. Screaming, throwing things, eloping, hitting adults who tried to help, hitting peers when he was angry, he did almost every awful thing you can think of. And he would cry and cry afterwards when he realized he had “done it again” and hurt those who tried to help. K and first grade were very, very dark for all of us.

In the later half of first grade, we had a behaviorist come in to the school and observe. She wasn’t a therapist and didn’t deal with my son beyond seeing him a few times at school. However, she was able to help us (parents and teachers) create a plan to regulate him, was instrumental in getting the right supports and accommodations in his IEP, and gave the staff and admin support and ideas on how best to help my son when he was dysregulated so that the violence didn’t get out of hand. We are lucky to have a wonderful school and admin who bent over backwards to help my son.

As he has gotten older (he’s in 4th now), he has gotten much better at regulating his emotions, and he hasn’t had a violent episode in over a year. As his regulation improved, he was able to access more and more of the gifted curriculum, which helped tremendously in his behavior.

All of this is written to give you some hope that it will get better. Public is your best bet right now, and our behaviorist’s name is Sharon Weiss-can’t recommend her enough. I have no idea if the level of your sons’ dysregulation is similar to mine, but if it is, hopefully this will give you some ideas and hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would look at the Lourie Center school, and also ask about either 1:1 aide or a self contained school in your county.

I agree that Maddux, Diener, and Auburn could all be possibilities if you think the issue is that he is not well supported and that the disregulation could disappear in those contexts. I'd add Katherine Thomas to that list, but definitely not Lab.

I was coming to suggest Lourie Center school. I agree with all of this list.

[Anonymous]

Auburn might accept a child with aggressive behavior.
Not sure about Diener.
Maddux or Newton will definitely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Auburn might accept a child with aggressive behavior.
Not sure about Diener.
Maddux or Newton will definitely not.

Diener won’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^you might also try Ivy mount Asperger’s program.don’t know what it’s called now

This is what I thought too. Rigid thinking is a hallmark of autism.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked at McLean School in Potomac? It’s definitely worth researching. You may benefit from an educational consultant which unfortunately is expensive but can save you a lot of time, hassle, and stress.

[Anonymous]

Huge pet peeve of mine that honestly fills me with rage and I have seen it on this board over and over for 15 years---doctors, psychologist, neuropsychs who tell parents their kid needs a school that does x and y but don't name specific schools. *Because they know those schools DO NOT exist.* ugh!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge pet peeve of mine that honestly fills me with rage and I have seen it on this board over and over for 15 years---doctors, psychologist, neuropsychs who tell parents their kid needs a school that does x and y but don't name specific schools. *Because they know those schools DO NOT exist.* ugh!!!!

Haha, just realized this was an old thread and I posted similarly months ago. Yep, serious peeve!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge pet peeve of mine that honestly fills me with rage and I have seen it on this board over and over for 15 years---doctors, psychologist, neuropsychs who tell parents their kid needs a school that does x and y but don't name specific schools. *Because they know those schools DO NOT exist.* ugh!!!!

HUGE pet peeve of mine that really upsets me and I’ve seen it on this board over and over is people recommending schools like McLean, Potomac or Lab that are well known to NOT accept children on the spectrum!
Double ugh!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No OP, but a mom who has a very similar child. My apologies in advance for the long post that will probably go unnoticed this far back in an old thread, but in case Susan/OP and the above poster will read it, here we go.

I looked at all the school mentioned and bottom line, there are no schools in this area that have this combo (grade level or above academics combined with heavy behavioral support). Part of my son’s dysregulation would be caused by his being asked to do schoolwork that he was far beyond. Things like being asked to do an addition worksheet when he could already multiply fractions, reading simple sentences when he was reading long chapter novels, would frustrate him to no end, and when combined with his fine motor delays, just produced a nightmare scenario.

At the end of the day, it didn’t matter how smart, kind, and lovable my son was when he was not upset, because when he was dysregulated he was a different person altogether-and he couldn’t control it at all. Screaming, throwing things, eloping, hitting adults who tried to help, hitting peers when he was angry, he did almost every awful thing you can think of. And he would cry and cry afterwards when he realized he had “done it again” and hurt those who tried to help. K and first grade were very, very dark for all of us.

In the later half of first grade, we had a behaviorist come in to the school and observe. She wasn’t a therapist and didn’t deal with my son beyond seeing him a few times at school. However, she was able to help us (parents and teachers) create a plan to regulate him, was instrumental in getting the right supports and accommodations in his IEP, and gave the staff and admin support and ideas on how best to help my son when he was dysregulated so that the violence didn’t get out of hand. We are lucky to have a wonderful school and admin who bent over backwards to help my son.

As he has gotten older (he’s in 4th now), he has gotten much better at regulating his emotions, and he hasn’t had a violent episode in over a year. As his regulation improved, he was able to access more and more of the gifted curriculum, which helped tremendously in his behavior.

All of this is written to give you some hope that it will get better. Public is your best bet right now, and our behaviorist’s name is Sharon Weiss-can’t recommend her enough. I have no idea if the level of your sons’ dysregulation is similar to mine, but if it is, hopefully this will give you some ideas and hope.

Just curious which school you landed in? Our kindergartener has a similar profile - kind, thoughtful, funny when regulated, can lash out when disregulated. Our DCPS school is dropping significant hits that they won't be able to continue to support our child - we're in the throes of trying to find alternate options.

[Anonymous]

NP. We are new parents at Auburn with a similar profile. The school has been accepting of our DS behavioral needs