"Outside of financial constraints: the kid should fully decide w/out parental influence"

[Anonymous]

If my kid wanted a no name $90K school, I would have totally failed as a parent. All their lives, we have tried to get them to consider the cost of things and whether it’s worth to them. They haven’t always made the choice I would make, but it’s considered and they can articulate why.

If I were willing to pay for Harvard or state school, and my kid wanted to go to a Dartmouth or a Williams, I am hoping they would be able to explain to me why that would be something they thought would be worth the price. I would absolutely hear the out and they would likely persuade me. If they wanted to go to a totally no name school, and it wasn’t special in some way they can articulate to their banker (me), that’s not going to happen. But I don’t think my kid would choose it or ever bring it up because we have taught them all their lives to consider cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with parents trying to influence, but the child should feel like she is in the driver’s seat.

Why? That’s absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent - you approve the list. The time to set the criteria, money and any other criteria, is before they apply.

I disagree.

I’m being extreme in my example, but just to get my point across as succinctly as possible…

you add the community college, just in case they don’t get into the safeties, which you added just in case they didn’t get into the targets… if they get into All, and your kid chooses the community college because her boyfriend of a week is staying home too? I think with all of the unknowns answered and the admitted schools in front of us in April, Together, we consider the pros and cons of each decision. And being 50, I may have insight on different pros and cons that my shortsighted 17-year-old may have.

THIS^^^

It's a huge investment and big choice in life. You help guide your kid, but if all things are equal---you let them make the final decision

For example: Kid 1 got into 2 schools, basically same ranking, both jesuit, 6-8K undergrads. One is in our home state (6 hours drive away), one is 2K miles away. Both very similar schools, kid will have similar outcomes at both. One is in a city most don't want to live in. Other is in a much nicer city (still with issues, but the largest city in the state and really a great place). Cost is same, kid got 35% tuition merit award at both.
Parents have their opinions on which is best, but we kept our mouths shut and only provided input when our kid asked. We let them make the decision. Why? Because the only "cost difference" is the getting kid to/from school and we can afford the $2-3K in plane tickets each year (fall break, thanksgiving break, xmas break, spring break, easter break, end of year/getting back to school). And if my kid were to ever struggle at college (or rather when they would because all freshman have some struggles/times they wonder should I be at this school), I dont' ever want them to be able to Blame Mom or Dad. I want the choice to be there's and they own that choice. I got my experience with college 25+ years ago, now it's time for my kid to get to choose (within the boundaries of good school for academic reasons and affordable for us)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I agree.
Stop equivocating.
I think we should just have two buckets:
You are either Full Pay - can afford it, anywhere, anyplace, whatever the kid wants
Or You are not - need to think about it, consider the "value", the "ROI", should we do it, compare it to merit, compare it to in-state, we can do it but it would hurt, blah blah blah.

I think ROI matters even if you are full pay. It is more complex than just they decide and you aren’t really involved, or you are micromanaging.
I hope to guide my kids to choices that they are excited about applying to and I am excited to pay for, should they get accepted.

[Anonymous]

So you're saying, if parents have plenty of money, they do not have a right to influence the college decision.

But if they have a budget, then they can influence the decision?

Is that right?

[Anonymous]

Our kids were only permitted to apply to schools we could afford. The decision re which one to attend was 100% up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with parents trying to influence, but the child should feel like she is in the driver’s seat.

Why? That’s absurd.

Because it's the first adult decision they will make and whatever the experience, good or bad, they cannot blame you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

+1

No way in h3ll I'm paying $360k for a degree that has low ROI. We don't have family money.

You don't need a degree from an expensive college to be an ES teacher.

[Anonymous]

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent - you approve the list. The time to set the criteria, money and any other criteria, is before they apply.

This x 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

+1

No way in h3ll I'm paying $360k for a degree that has low ROI. We don't have family money.

You don't need a degree from an expensive college to be an ES teacher.

Does Harvard even have that major ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

+1

No way in h3ll I'm paying $360k for a degree that has low ROI. We don't have family money.

You don't need a degree from an expensive college to be an ES teacher.

Does Harvard even have that major ?

Or to work one year post-Harvard and then retire as a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. Of course, I think the kid has the most important opinion. But as the financier and more experienced family member, the parent should have some input. And financial constraints are malleable. Many parents will make voluntary sacrifices (e.g., loans, delayed retirement, etc.) if their kid gets into, say, HYPSM that they wouldn't make for, say, Pepperdine (because their kid wants to be close to the beach). While recognizing that there are many unreasonable parents and many unreasonable kids, it should ideally be something of a team effort with the kid holding more sway.

Yeah the question OP is asking is crazy to me. It's okay for a parent to be a parent and also have some views on where their $ is going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF are you asking?

If you can stretch to full pay $90k at Harvard, by definition you can stretch to full pay at any school that charges $90k.

Seriously, this forum is going to the dogs.

[Anonymous]

you people are so out of touch here!

the chance that your kid even has harvard as an option is very small anyway.

we are UMC. we told our kids the budget. kids picked schools based on that. if a school was over budget, then kids needed to get scholarships for it to still be on the list.

ultimately, it was kids' decisions, but not without parental input. that's dumb. 18 year old kids (most of them) don't have the experience to make a big decision like this on their own.