I don’t really miss my life before kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pre-kids, on a 3day weekend I'd have taken off either Friday or Tuesday to stretch to four days, and gone to Mexico or Hawaii or Miami or somewhere. I'd have eaten amazing meals on the beach, danced until 2am, gone to a spa, done yoga on the beach, all weekend.

But now I have kids. Yesterday my kid had a meltdown because she didn't like her ballet bun. Then we went to brunch with two small children and then a 4 yr old's birthday party, before DD had a sleepover with three friends. We were up at 7am to work out and get dressed before making an avalanche of pancakes, eggs and cut up fruit. When one girl's parents arrived to pick her up her little sister darted upstairs and hid and four adults spent 15 minutes looking for a 5 yr old. Sorry - I'd rather be in Mexico on the beach.

+1. I am happy for people like OP. Because to me child rearing is drudgery. Many people feel like this and the proof is that you have to pay someone to watch your child. I love my children but do not think feeding them, changing diapers, carpooling, disciplining, and attending kid birthday parties is fun. If I didn’t have kids then this weekend I would have gone skiing, enjoyed nice restaurants and got plenty of sleep. Still glad I have a family but can’t understand someone who really thinks having kids is fun. I’m sure if you asked a woman in 1850 if child rearing is enjoyable she would have thought it was a dumb question. It’s like asking if working in the mines is fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre-kids, on a 3day weekend I'd have taken off either Friday or Tuesday to stretch to four days, and gone to Mexico or Hawaii or Miami or somewhere. I'd have eaten amazing meals on the beach, danced until 2am, gone to a spa, done yoga on the beach, all weekend.

But now I have kids. Yesterday my kid had a meltdown because she didn't like her ballet bun. Then we went to brunch with two small children and then a 4 yr old's birthday party, before DD had a sleepover with three friends. We were up at 7am to work out and get dressed before making an avalanche of pancakes, eggs and cut up fruit. When one girl's parents arrived to pick her up her little sister darted upstairs and hid and four adults spent 15 minutes looking for a 5 yr old. Sorry - I'd rather be in Mexico on the beach.

+1. I am happy for people like OP. Because to me child rearing is drudgery. Many people feel like this and the proof is that you have to pay someone to watch your child. I love my children but do not think feeding them, changing diapers, carpooling, disciplining, and attending kid birthday parties is fun. If I didn’t have kids then this weekend I would have gone skiing, enjoyed nice restaurants and got plenty of sleep. Still glad I have a family but can’t understand someone who really thinks having kids is fun. I’m sure if you asked a woman in 1850 if child rearing is enjoyable she would have thought it was a dumb question. It’s like asking if working in the mines is fun.

Maybe I enjoy what you think of as drudgery. I love the joy in the mundane every day activities like walks in the park chatting with my kid as we make dinner together, watching her play with her toys in the bath, baking cookies and reading books together in bed. When they were younger I also really liked breastfeeding and felt so connected.

In contrast, I generally don’t like what is typically seen as fun stuff like boozy brunches, skiiing, staying up late and partying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It depends on the phase you're in. Different kids are different levels of difficulty.

This. OP has easy kids but doesn’t know it. I haven’t slept more than 4 hours in a row, even once, in 3 years. I definitely miss my pre-kid life.

+1... my kids are wonderful but I am exhausted by my 3 year old and 10 month old. I look forward to days that are less physically demanding- I miss my body not aching every single morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre-kids, on a 3day weekend I'd have taken off either Friday or Tuesday to stretch to four days, and gone to Mexico or Hawaii or Miami or somewhere. I'd have eaten amazing meals on the beach, danced until 2am, gone to a spa, done yoga on the beach, all weekend.

But now I have kids. Yesterday my kid had a meltdown because she didn't like her ballet bun. Then we went to brunch with two small children and then a 4 yr old's birthday party, before DD had a sleepover with three friends. We were up at 7am to work out and get dressed before making an avalanche of pancakes, eggs and cut up fruit. When one girl's parents arrived to pick her up her little sister darted upstairs and hid and four adults spent 15 minutes looking for a 5 yr old. Sorry - I'd rather be in Mexico on the beach.

+1. I am happy for people like OP. Because to me child rearing is drudgery. Many people feel like this and the proof is that you have to pay someone to watch your child. I love my children but do not think feeding them, changing diapers, carpooling, disciplining, and attending kid birthday parties is fun. If I didn’t have kids then this weekend I would have gone skiing, enjoyed nice restaurants and got plenty of sleep. Still glad I have a family but can’t understand someone who really thinks having kids is fun. I’m sure if you asked a woman in 1850 if child rearing is enjoyable she would have thought it was a dumb question. It’s like asking if working in the mines is fun.

Maybe I enjoy what you think of as drudgery. I love the joy in the mundane every day activities like walks in the park chatting with my kid as we make dinner together, watching her play with her toys in the bath, baking cookies and reading books together in bed. When they were younger I also really liked breastfeeding and felt so connected.

In contrast, I generally don’t like what is typically seen as fun stuff like boozy brunches, skiiing, staying up late and partying.

I’m with you. I like the mundane stuff. I have friends without kids and while the traveling and fancy dinners they do look great, they enjoy it much more than I ever did. Most of the time I’d genuinely rather spend a low key weekend with my kids than be hopping on a plane or out late at a dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre-kids, on a 3day weekend I'd have taken off either Friday or Tuesday to stretch to four days, and gone to Mexico or Hawaii or Miami or somewhere. I'd have eaten amazing meals on the beach, danced until 2am, gone to a spa, done yoga on the beach, all weekend.

But now I have kids. Yesterday my kid had a meltdown because she didn't like her ballet bun. Then we went to brunch with two small children and then a 4 yr old's birthday party, before DD had a sleepover with three friends. We were up at 7am to work out and get dressed before making an avalanche of pancakes, eggs and cut up fruit. When one girl's parents arrived to pick her up her little sister darted upstairs and hid and four adults spent 15 minutes looking for a 5 yr old. Sorry - I'd rather be in Mexico on the beach.

+1. I am happy for people like OP. Because to me child rearing is drudgery. Many people feel like this and the proof is that you have to pay someone to watch your child. I love my children but do not think feeding them, changing diapers, carpooling, disciplining, and attending kid birthday parties is fun. If I didn’t have kids then this weekend I would have gone skiing, enjoyed nice restaurants and got plenty of sleep. Still glad I have a family but can’t understand someone who really thinks having kids is fun. I’m sure if you asked a woman in 1850 if child rearing is enjoyable she would have thought it was a dumb question. It’s like asking if working in the mines is fun.

Maybe I enjoy what you think of as drudgery. I love the joy in the mundane every day activities like walks in the park chatting with my kid as we make dinner together, watching her play with her toys in the bath, baking cookies and reading books together in bed. When they were younger I also really liked breastfeeding and felt so connected.

In contrast, I generally don’t like what is typically seen as fun stuff like boozy brunches, skiiing, staying up late and partying.

I’m with you. I like the mundane stuff. I have friends without kids and while the traveling and fancy dinners they do look great, they enjoy it much more than I ever did. Most of the time I’d genuinely rather spend a low key weekend with my kids than be hopping on a plane or out late at a dinner.

Can't wait until we can have lowkey weekends with the kids! Our little boys need so much activity and stimulation. Not super fun in the winter.

[Anonymous]

I miss the youth and freedom to make decisions only for myself. Be able to wake up late, take a spur of the moment trop (did far too few of those). But that was always going to end, whether i had kids or just all my friends. Kids are 4 and 8 and a lot of the drudgery is gone. Getting easier to just chill with them and be more on the go and meet them as their own people. Looking forward to more trips and experiences with them. Now wanting to work less and do more kid stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre-kids, on a 3day weekend I'd have taken off either Friday or Tuesday to stretch to four days, and gone to Mexico or Hawaii or Miami or somewhere. I'd have eaten amazing meals on the beach, danced until 2am, gone to a spa, done yoga on the beach, all weekend.

But now I have kids. Yesterday my kid had a meltdown because she didn't like her ballet bun. Then we went to brunch with two small children and then a 4 yr old's birthday party, before DD had a sleepover with three friends. We were up at 7am to work out and get dressed before making an avalanche of pancakes, eggs and cut up fruit. When one girl's parents arrived to pick her up her little sister darted upstairs and hid and four adults spent 15 minutes looking for a 5 yr old. Sorry - I'd rather be in Mexico on the beach.

+1. I am happy for people like OP. Because to me child rearing is drudgery. Many people feel like this and the proof is that you have to pay someone to watch your child. I love my children but do not think feeding them, changing diapers, carpooling, disciplining, and attending kid birthday parties is fun. If I didn’t have kids then this weekend I would have gone skiing, enjoyed nice restaurants and got plenty of sleep. Still glad I have a family but can’t understand someone who really thinks having kids is fun. I’m sure if you asked a woman in 1850 if child rearing is enjoyable she would have thought it was a dumb question. It’s like asking if working in the mines is fun.

Maybe I enjoy what you think of as drudgery. I love the joy in the mundane every day activities like walks in the park chatting with my kid as we make dinner together, watching her play with her toys in the bath, baking cookies and reading books together in bed. When they were younger I also really liked breastfeeding and felt so connected.

In contrast, I generally don’t like what is typically seen as fun stuff like boozy brunches, skiiing, staying up late and partying.

I’m with you. I like the mundane stuff. I have friends without kids and while the traveling and fancy dinners they do look great, they enjoy it much more than I ever did. Most of the time I’d genuinely rather spend a low key weekend with my kids than be hopping on a plane or out late at a dinner.

Can't wait until we can have lowkey weekends with the kids! Our little boys need so much activity and stimulation. Not super fun in the winter.

Pp here, I feel you. I’ve got 3 little boys and it’s a lot of energy and chaos so my version of “low key” is probably not in line with most peoples. For me, I think it’s a personality thing where I 1. Am introverted 2. Have never been that adventurous and 3. Am very patient and enjoy a lot of homemaking/caretaking tasks. I totally get why someone else would not be into this stage of parenting, it is a lot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I miss the youth and freedom to make decisions only for myself. Be able to wake up late, take a spur of the moment trop (did far too few of those). But that was always going to end, whether i had kids or just all my friends. Kids are 4 and 8 and a lot of the drudgery is gone. Getting easier to just chill with them and be more on the go and meet them as their own people. Looking forward to more trips and experiences with them. Now wanting to work less and do more kid stuff.

What more kid stuff do you want to do as they get older? How does work get in the way

[Anonymous]

They are 18 and 22 now and have enriched my life beyond measure. I feel life began when they were born. I only hate the anxiety for their well-being. That is the hardest part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pre-kids, on a 3day weekend I'd have taken off either Friday or Tuesday to stretch to four days, and gone to Mexico or Hawaii or Miami or somewhere. I'd have eaten amazing meals on the beach, danced until 2am, gone to a spa, done yoga on the beach, all weekend.

But now I have kids. Yesterday my kid had a meltdown because she didn't like her ballet bun. Then we went to brunch with two small children and then a 4 yr old's birthday party, before DD had a sleepover with three friends. We were up at 7am to work out and get dressed before making an avalanche of pancakes, eggs and cut up fruit. When one girl's parents arrived to pick her up her little sister darted upstairs and hid and four adults spent 15 minutes looking for a 5 yr old. Sorry - I'd rather be in Mexico on the beach.

+1. I am happy for people like OP. Because to me child rearing is drudgery. Many people feel like this and the proof is that you have to pay someone to watch your child. I love my children but do not think feeding them, changing diapers, carpooling, disciplining, and attending kid birthday parties is fun. If I didn’t have kids then this weekend I would have gone skiing, enjoyed nice restaurants and got plenty of sleep. Still glad I have a family but can’t understand someone who really thinks having kids is fun. I’m sure if you asked a woman in 1850 if child rearing is enjoyable she would have thought it was a dumb question. It’s like asking if working in the mines is fun.

It is fun! My kids are fun to be around and make me laugh every day. I mean they have also brought stress and many sleepless nights, but lately it’s also fun.

[Anonymous]

I miss being 25 and being in a phase of life where it felt completely appropriate to be blissfully focused on myself. And having my whole life ahead of me.

I miss sleep and free time, but I’m very happy having children. I don’t “miss” my pre-children life in the sense that I would trade any of it in, and am enjoying this phase of life with small kids.

[Anonymous]

I miss sleep. I really miss it. Ive rapidly aged. Both pre and post kids are good, just different phases of life. Everyone has phases…kids or no kids. Im not 20 anymore whether i have kids or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

Op here. I wrote this post after reading Fleishman is in trouble, with the character Libby pining for her life before kids and missing who she was before that. I just truly could not relate to what she was missing or why she was so unhappy, hence the post.

I feel like more a whole fully realized version of myself post kids. I also can not relate to the idea that I’ve “lost myself” I having them. Quite the opposite.

It’s easier to maintain yourself if you have more disposable income….there are parents who struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

Op here. I wrote this post after reading Fleishman is in trouble, with the character Libby pining for her life before kids and missing who she was before that. I just truly could not relate to what she was missing or why she was so unhappy, hence the post.

I felt the same about Fleischman is in trouble. There’s definitely an idea in the cultural zeitgeist (for upper middle class women) that parenting is oppressive drudgery. I don’t doubt that some women experience that, and I think they should feel able to express those feelings. But I love my life as a parent. (But I’m also glad I got to experience relatively carefree young adulthood too.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are 18 and 22 now and have enriched my life beyond measure. I feel life began when they were born. I only hate the anxiety for their well-being. That is the hardest part.

I think I am going to vomit