I don’t really miss my life before kids

[Anonymous]

FWIW, I am in my 40s and don't have kids, and I also feel like my life is more fulfilling now than it was when I was in my 20s or early 30s. I do not miss that time. While I have some freedoms with time that a parent doesn't have, I don't have the same life now that I did 15 years ago either.

I think at least some of this feeling comes with the maturity and self assurance of aging and isn't necessarily about kids. It can be hard to disengtangle since raising kids and middle age go hand in hand for the vast majority of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

I miss the travel. I skied out west a lot, had a ski house with friends, weekends in Nantucket, Europe, etc. what used to be $1,000 now starts at $3,000. We still travel to all those places but on a much more limited basis.

Meh. We did this too - we will do it again when the kids go to college. NBD.

You will hop back on the slopes with all your friends piled into a ski house and it will be like you are all in your 20s? Even if you do it won't even remotely be the same experience. How could it be? It's fine to admit you won't experience those things again.

Here is the part you don't want to see. Yes we will do things like that, but as wealthier, more mature people. The ski house will be fully stocked with king size beds and ensuite bathrooms. Dinners will be steakhouses and fine wine versus pizza and beer. The night won't be quite as late, but the sleeping in will be worth it.

It is ok to admit that your life stopped at pregnancy, but to many of us, the younger child raising years were a mere detour.

Is the late night sex with the hot guy in the group and the fact that your body recovers pretty much instantly from a night of drinking the next day and also you have 25 year old knees to ski on also happening?

It's not better or worse really. It's just different. I don't think anyone does or doesn't want to see that later on we will all (hopefully) have more money and have a better lifestyle. (Which for the record, this does not happen for everyone but good luck to you and your friends.) We're allowed to reflect on an era that's past and won't be recreated.

[Anonymous]

Ehhh. I miss traveling before we had to be on a school schedule. I miss sex whenever I wanted, anywhere I wanted. I enjoy my small humans very much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ehhh. I miss traveling before we had to be on a school schedule. I miss sex whenever I wanted, anywhere I wanted. I enjoy my small humans very much.

THIS!!!!!!

That is probably the single thing I look forward to the most about my kids going to college. Traveling separate from the masses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, I am in my 40s and don't have kids, and I also feel like my life is more fulfilling now than it was when I was in my 20s or early 30s. I do not miss that time. While I have some freedoms with time that a parent doesn't have, I don't have the same life now that I did 15 years ago either.

I think at least some of this feeling comes with the maturity and self assurance of aging and isn't necessarily about kids. It can be hard to disengtangle since raising kids and middle age go hand in hand for the vast majority of people.

Everything you’re saying makes sense, of course, and OP may nod her head condescendingly in your direction, but we all know she doesn’t really agree with you and thinks her life is more meaningful and special than anyone who doesn’t have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

I miss the travel. I skied out west a lot, had a ski house with friends, weekends in Nantucket, Europe, etc. what used to be $1,000 now starts at $3,000. We still travel to all those places but on a much more limited basis.

Meh. We did this too - we will do it again when the kids go to college. NBD.

You will hop back on the slopes with all your friends piled into a ski house and it will be like you are all in your 20s? Even if you do it won't even remotely be the same experience. How could it be? It's fine to admit you won't experience those things again.

Here is the part you don't want to see. Yes we will do things like that, but as wealthier, more mature people. The ski house will be fully stocked with king size beds and ensuite bathrooms. Dinners will be steakhouses and fine wine versus pizza and beer. The night won't be quite as late, but the sleeping in will be worth it.

It is ok to admit that your life stopped at pregnancy, but to many of us, the younger child raising years were a mere detour.

Blech. You and your friends sound boring and stuffy.

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP. I don't miss it. But, I didn't have my kids until my 30s so I had A LOT of fun adult life before them. I'm hoping that I can pull myself together once I have an empty nest and learn to enjoy the next stage.

[Anonymous]

JFC why does every thread turn into a “yuck my yum” competition. Bunch of defensive biddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:JFC why does every thread turn into a “yuck my yum” competition. Bunch of defensive biddies.

So typical. Some people are insecure enough that it's not enough that they're current situation is pleasant or they're happy with their choices. What they didn't choose or what they're not experiencing has to be lesser than.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this are so wretched and smug. Implicit in them is that lives without kids are empty and meaningless and that being a parent makes you a superior human being.

In fact, many parents are among the most selfish people on the planet because they only think of themselves and their kids as an extension of themselves.

We have four adult children. Three are married, and two of the three have children. The third married child doesn’t want kids, and the fourth doesn’t want either to get married or have kids. All four are happy with their choices and supportive of their siblings’ choices, and we are equally proud of all four. But there is no question that the two without children are doing more to help the broader society than the two with children - or, for that matter, than we ever could because we had children ourselves.

So, bottom line: stop patting yourself on the back and stop implicitly judging everyone else. You’re not that special.

Op here. I wrote this post after reading Fleishman is in trouble, with the character Libby pining for her life before kids and missing who she was before that. I just truly could not relate to what she was missing or why she was so unhappy, hence the post.

[Anonymous]

I miss:
- not being on the school schedule
- getting more sleep and exercise (less stress)

.... yep, that's it! Everything else in my life is better with kids. I had my first at 32 and traveled and did lots of fun stuff/travel before that. I was very ready to have kids and it was the right time for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids?

I miss the travel. I skied out west a lot, had a ski house with friends, weekends in Nantucket, Europe, etc. what used to be $1,000 now starts at $3,000. We still travel to all those places but on a much more limited basis.

Meh. We did this too - we will do it again when the kids go to college. NBD.

You will hop back on the slopes with all your friends piled into a ski house and it will be like you are all in your 20s? Even if you do it won't even remotely be the same experience. How could it be? It's fine to admit you won't experience those things again.

Here is the part you don't want to see. Yes we will do things like that, but as wealthier, more mature people. The ski house will be fully stocked with king size beds and ensuite bathrooms. Dinners will be steakhouses and fine wine versus pizza and beer. The night won't be quite as late, but the sleeping in will be worth it.

It is ok to admit that your life stopped at pregnancy, but to many of us, the younger child raising years were a mere detour.

I have 4 kids and own my own ski house. I stock it with whatever I want..... sometimes steak and sometimes pizza. My kids like steak too. I love watching my kids progress in skiing. Taking my oldest down her first double black was more exciting than doing MY first double black. Seeing the world again and experiencing all the firsts through their eyes is somehow much better than my first experiences. I don't miss the travel because I still travel. I only miss having to travel when other people do during school breaks.

I'm grateful I lived a full life before kids. Now I'm grateful for neuro-typical kids through which I can experience life a second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are some things I miss of course (sleeping in, quiet mornings with long coffees). But on the whole, I don’t miss my life before kids at all and can’t relate when people talk about how much they miss their 20s, the freedom to travel, the parties and the fun. I did that, and found all that quite meaningless.

Life with kids feels richer, fuller and more meaningful than anything before. There is day to day drudgery but I feel bursts of joy at little things my children in a way I never used to feel. I don’t see this sentiment shared very often. Anyone relate? Or was I just a boring person before kids?

Honestly it sounds like you were boring. I’m happy now with kids but I was happy before without kids. I miss the time and energy to pursue creative projects/hobbies most of all. But it will come back!

[Anonymous]

I do lol

[Anonymous]

As an empty nester, I can tell you….the time flies by. My adult children are successful, happy and have children. I love being a grandmother. I’ve enjoyed all stages of my life. You have to make your own happiness whatever stage you are in.