Is 33 a good age to have a first baby?

[Anonymous]

Hello, I am not sure if this is the correct topic area for this post. Please let me know if it is more appropriate under a different topic.

In an ideal world, I'd like to start trying to conceive now (I'm 31), but my husband and I both agree that for logistical reasons it is better for us to wait to start trying next summer (when I'll be 32). So, if all goes well, I'll be 33 when I give birth.

I'd love to hear other women's perspectives mostly around conceiving. I have read lots of contradicting reports on when it starts to be challenging to conceive. I'd really like to have 3 children, and I'm worried that I am pushing it age wise.

Thanks very much in advance for insights and experiences!

[Anonymous]

Too hard to give you the right answer. Everyone is different. I got pregnant at the exact ages I wanted to: 34 and 37, and it took less than 5mo for each. A friend, who is a couple of years younger than me, had a harder time getting pregnant in her late 20's early 30's.

[Anonymous]

I had my two kids at 33 and 35. Conceived both within 1-2 months of trying. It varies from person to person.

[Anonymous]

My first child was born when I was 33, and my second when I was 35. I thought the timing was perfect. I am approximately in the middle of the ages that I meet in this area in terms of moms, and I was established enough in my career that I had flexibility etc. once the baby came along. That said, I only wanted two children and I conceived easily both times.

[Anonymous]

There isn't really a way to give you an answer on conceiving and your experience may vary with different pregnancies. I was 31 when I had my first, after just two months of trying, and then it took me a full year to get a viable pregnancy for my second. My SIL had to do IVF to have her first, and then accidentally got pregnant with her second just 8 months later. Research can give us averages, but there is just too much random chance involved in each individual's life.

If you really, really want 3 kids, I would get busy ASAP. Do you have strong preferences about child spacing?

[Anonymous]

I didn't get married until I was 33, and I worried so much about my fertility. Ultimately I got pregnant easily at 34 and 37, albeit with a miscarriage in between. The honest truth is, anecdotal accounts will tell you nothing, because we're not you. I think the most important things are to feel secure in your marriage, happy in your station in life (whatever that may be), and resilient to change. The best you can do is educate yourself on your cycle, decide when you want to TTC, and go for it!

[Anonymous]

I'm 29 and have been trying for almost 2 years. You never know. When I started I thought 27 was too young, but now I will be 30 (If I get pregnant now) and wish I was younger. We've been married a long time and even our single friends can't believe we haven't had kids. But I still feel young in the DC area to have a kid at 30.

I would try when your marriage is in a good place and financially you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

The best decade to have a child, from a biological and health perspective, is in your twenties. From a financial and emotional point of view, it may be in your thirties.

You should have a child as soon as you can. However individual fertility varies and nobody can tell you whether you will have trouble conceiving, being pregnant or delivering a healthy baby at 33.

Are/were there fertility problems in your family? If so, at what age did they occur? That may be a better indicator for you.

[Anonymous]

If you really want to have three kids, I wouldn't wait too long. As the others have said, you might get pregnant easily, but you might not. And it would be good to be done with the third by 38 or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't get married until I was 33, and I worried so much about my fertility. Ultimately I got pregnant easily at 34 and 37, albeit with a miscarriage in between. The honest truth is, anecdotal accounts will tell you nothing, because we're not you. I think the most important things are to feel secure in your marriage, happy in your station in life (whatever that may be), and resilient to change. The best you can do is educate yourself on your cycle, decide when you want to TTC, and go for it!

+1. I was in the same situation, and found that reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" gave me knowledge about my cycle that took away much of my anxiety. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If you'd like to have 3, I'd start now. Speaking from experience, having three kids less than 20 months apart each is exhausting.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to hear more about what your "logistical reasons" are for waiting. If I were you and I knew I wanted 3 kids, I'd start trying now. I have friends who are in their late 30s TTC and are unable to conceive or who have recurring miscarriages.

For what it's worth, I'm also 31, almost 32, and I'll deliver when I'm 32.5. I got pregnant easily and probably would not have had any problems conceiving if we'd waited another year. But I'm glad that we didn't wait. After seeing several friends struggle in their early-to-mid 30s to conceive, I felt that getting started with trying sooner than later was the right decision, because if there's an issue it would be a lot easier to resolve if I was still in my early 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you really want to have three kids, I wouldn't wait too long. As the others have said, you might get pregnant easily, but you might not. And it would be good to be done with the third by 38 or so.

And you might have secondary infertility TTCing #2 (or 3, whatever you decide, you might change your mind). And consider your age spacing between kids - 2 years, 3+ years apart?

[Anonymous]

What are the logistics that you are waiting on?

Do you want to quit your job after 1 or 3?

Are you financially able to pay for 2-3 daycare tuitions?

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone should have a kid before 35 even with IF being a risk. Go read the thread on general parenting from the 31yr old with two kids who feels trapped in her life. Go use these years to get a lot of travel and fun out of your system before you have kids and/or put in some hard years in your professional life. First at 40, second at 45.